Phillip Schofield has revealed he once refused to go on This Morning as he struggled with his sexuality.
The presenter, 58, came out as gay earlier this year and has previously told how he went through some “very dark moments”.
He has now opened up about his experience in his new memoir, Life’s What You Make It.
According to The Mirror, Schofield revealed there was one morning when he felt he just couldn’t do his ITV show.
He messaged his wife Steph to tell her he wasn’t going on, and his co-presenter and close friend Holly Willoughby told viewers he was not well and went on to host the programme alone.
“I sat alone in the flat, staring at the walls, as This Morning started on the other side of London,” Schofield was quoted as saying.
“It was a very stupid thing to do... all my closest friends knew how ragged my head was but no one except Steph knew why.”
The star also told how his weight dropped to less than 10 stone and he struggled to get much sleep before he came out. On one occasion, he had to run off the set of This Morning to be sick.
Watch: Phillip Schofield says his mental health has taken a ‘dark turn’ this year
Reflecting on that period, Schofield said it was “like being inside the blackest cloud and being consumed by crushing, desperate sadness”.
He did go on to seek help and in February this year came out in an emotional interview on This Morning.
At the time he said he had been coming to terms with his sexuality with “the strength and support” of Steph, his wife of 27 years, and their two grown-up daughters Molly and Ruby.
Schofield also thanked Willoughby for her support, saying she had been “so kind and wise” and had “hugged me as I sobbed on her shoulder”.
Speaking on ITV’s Lorraine on Thursday, he said it had been tough but that it was a “work in progress”.
He also told how he had enjoyed a meal with his family this week.
“I’m still me and they are still them and it’s still us four,” he told host Lorraine Kelly.
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