If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “you know, I’ve gone my whole life without watching models eat sushi off Rob Gronkowski’s chest,” guess what: today’s your lucky day! Behold, friends, Rob Gronkowski: Music Video Superstar.
Gronk, the Patriots tight end, is many things: NFL star without peer, America’s preeminent party animal, Axe Body Spray in human form. One thing he’s not, however, is an actor, as you can see in “On My Mind,” the new video by 3LAU (feat. Yeah Boy, but you knew that already). The languid club track is the kind of music that burbles in the background at the kind of restaurants where servers seem annoyed to deal with you, but the video is genius.
Gronk sits down to have drinks with a beautiful woman at a sleek bar, but literally cannot focus on her for more than eight seconds before envisioning her and her friends soaped up at a car wash. Seeing sushi sends Gronk into visions of being covered in sushi bits while those same (imaginary?) models come and pluck bits of California roll right off his chest. The beautiful woman, apparently unwilling to deal with an NFL player who periodically suffers from debilitating, all-consuming hallucinations, walks out on Gronk. He attempts to follow, and then plummets into another vision — three in a row really ought to warrant some sort of concussion test — where Gronk, the aforementioned models, and a couple of bro-dudes have a pillow fight on the trampolines of a gigantic jump zone, presumably with a kids’ birthday party right out of camera range.
It’s all weird and ridiculous and hysterical, and it’s why Gronk > Brady, forever and ever. More of this, always, Gronk.
Jay Busbee is a writer for Yahoo Sports and the author of EARNHARDT NATION, on sale now at Amazon or wherever books are sold. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org or find him on Twitter or on Facebook.