Lena Dunham says the pandemic has resurfaced 'old feelings of self-loathing' about her body

Lena Dunham says that the pandemic has caused feelings of “self-loathing” about her body to resurface.

On Monday the former Girls star took to Instagram to post a selfie of herself in a black bikini top, exposing the “pot belly” she says she feels increasingly pressured to change with all the downtime pandemic life has given her.

“You know I’ve been thinking a lot about my pot belly in quarantine — especially as I notice an unusual amount of articles with titles like ‘How I Lost the Weight’ and ‘Diet is Everything,’” the 34-year-old, who battled COVID-19 in March, wrote to followers. “Are there more of them or do I just have more time to notice? Somehow, headlines that used to roll off my flesh rolls sting in a new way — not because I think that’s the body I’m meant to have, but because it feels like it’s adding yet another item to the epic to-do list we are all creating for ourselves in COVID. You know the one: ‘Now that I can’t be in the world, maybe I’ll finally ... take up karate ... build my own furniture ... grow geraniums ...’

“But for most people pandemic life has not proven to be a break from the world or themselves,” she continued. “And so the list grows, the items remain unchecked and the suggestion of a revamped clean eating plan in my newsfeed somehow feels like a personal assault.”

Dunham — who has previously expressed having a conflicted relationship with body positivity, explaining that she considers herself to be “body tolerant” — went on to share how this assumption that she’s lazy, or should be using this time to revamp her figure, rather than appreciating it for what it is, can “sting.” Even after making peace with her curves, she admitted that she’s recently found herself feeling self-conscious about her weight.

“Growing up chubby, fat, thicc, whatever you wanna call it, I always felt my body was a sign that read ‘I’m lazy and I have done less,’” she wrote. “Like if I just found the will to invest 30 percent more I could be OK. Over the years, as my body guided me through my career and illness and disability, I started to appreciate what it was capable of. But somehow, this pandemic time has brought back some of those old feelings of self-loathing and I think it all comes back to that damned to-do list, the one that started when we went into lockdown.

“Should I be revamping my fridge with veggies and showing off before/after pics, emerging from quarantine with a revenge body?” she mused. “And why, after all these years spent fostering self-love, do I still feel like weight loss is an item for my to-do? When I could be adding ‘learn Spanish?’ or ‘fall in love with a firefighter?’ Like, what if I checked that one off *forever forever* (by doing it never never)?”

Dunham then asked her followers to share what they’ve addressed about their own bodies during the pandemic, signing off with “I’ll be reading faithfully from right here in this bikini top.”

Many commenters responded with praise for Dunham’s candor, while others opened up about their own discoveries and issues, from achieving “self-acceptance” to sharing the actress’s sense of failure at not having accomplished more during this time, and working to push past that pressure.

Read more from Yahoo Life:

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• Black gardening community grows amid pandemic and racial unrest

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