"It’s the hardest feeling to watch someone you really loved and you have a family with just be so different than who you knew," Kim said of her ex on the latest episode of 'The Kardashians'
Thursday's episode picked up where last week's left off, as Kim cried to mom Kris Jenner about the impact of Kanye’s erratic actions, which at the time had involved online attacks and allegations made against her family and loved ones.
"I'm stuck with this for the rest of my life, and I'm just so overwhelmed," Kim, 42, told her mom, acknowledging that while she can't control her ex, it "affects my kids."
"That's the tragic part of the whole story," agreed Kris, 67.
Through her tears, Kim shared in a confessional: "I still feel the need to not talk about it and protect it from my kids and I always will feel that way, but God, if people knew ... I just would never do that to my kids. It just is really crazy."
She later added of the rapper: "It’s the hardest feeling to watch someone you really loved and you have a family with just be so different than who you knew."
Back in the conversation with her mom, Kim admitted that Kanye, 45, may have to hit "rock bottom" in order to realize the impact of his actions.
"Sometimes I feel like if he were to hit rock bottom, that’s his journey that he needs to figure out on his own. I used to run around and call everyone behind his back, and be like, 'It's gonna be OK, it's gonna be OK, don't worry. Just give him another chance,'" she said. "I used to spend hours and hours and hours of my day to be the clean-up crew. I just don't have that energy."
Kris told her daughter, "Well, that's why you got divorced because you can't do that to yourself. You never deserve to live like that."
The pair also spoke about the impact that Kanye's actions had on their four children: North, 9, Saint, 7, Chicago, 5, and Psalm, 4. Kris insisted that North must know what's going on but won't say anything about it, which she noted "breaks my heart."
However, Kim disputed that her oldest daughter was aware of the drama.
"She actually doesn't know and that's what's so crazy. When stuff is said, it’s a chain to my whole household. No TV, only Apple TV. I can't risk an Access Hollywood … or anything on the news coming up with their dad mentioned and they want to watch," she explained. "I have to figure out a way to protect and so they still haven't seen anything, but then I go into crisis mode."
In a confessional, Kim added: "I'm the one being accused of so many things and being blamed for so many things and it's really hurtful and it sucks. But, I can control how I react and I can control if I’m a mess, [and] then my kids will see that … I really do believe in my soul that one day, my kids will appreciate my silence, my understanding and my grace, and I will try my hardest to keep it together at all times."
As fans know, Kim and Kanye wed in 2014 but ultimately divorced in 2021 after a tumultuous period that saw the rapper posting erratic tweets, making troubling allegations against her mother and divulging deeply personal details about his family and marriage.
Some of Kanye’s troubling remarks were also directed at comedian Pete Davidson, whom Kim began dating in fall 2021. As the new couple's relationship deepened, Kanye hurled several attacks at the couple both online and in the press.
His harassment became so detrimental to Kim that she stated in a 2022 court filing that it caused her "emotional distress." Additionally, the SKIMS mogul said she "very much" desired "to be divorced."
"I have asked Kanye to keep our divorce private, but he has not done so," she said in documents obtained by PEOPLE in February 2022. "Kanye has been putting a lot of misinformation regarding our private family matters and co-parenting on social media which has created emotional distress. I believe that the court terminating our marital status will help Kanye to accept that our marital relationship is over and to move forward on a better path which will assist us in peacefully co-parenting our children."
A judge then ruled Kim legally single on March 2 of that year.
"Even how he looks so down on me for my [sex] tape, brings it up all over town, all over the media. Like, thanks for reminding people once again," she told her mom. "All of his shenanigans is gonna be far more damaging to the kids one day than my tape will ever be and I have to sit here and not say anything, ever, because I know one day my kids will appreciate that. And I know that is the best thing for them.”
"And by the way, I'm the one where s--- could be going down and I get in the car, and every day, the kids want to blast dad's music and I’m like, 'He's the best!' I put it on and we're singing along, and inside I'm dying because I will be his biggest cheerleader to them forever, and one day, when they can see for themselves, I'll answer whatever they want me to. It's a lot," she added. “And the one that was supposed to protect me — and still does interviews saying they will be my forever protector — is the one that's hurting me the most.”
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