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Introducing the 2016 NBA Free Agency All-Cap-Killer Teams

Former NBA All-Stars Joakim Noah (left) and Dwight Howard could make handshake deals for $260 million this weekend. Let the fun begin. (Bruce Yeung/Getty Images)
Former NBA All-Stars Joakim Noah (left) and Dwight Howard could make handshake deals for $260 million this weekend. Let the fun begin. (Bruce Yeung/Getty Images)

Welcome to NBA free agency in 2016, where the ballooning NBA salary cap is all fun and games until a general manager wakes up in two years and realizes he’s paying his backup point guard $20 million.

Be prepared for ludicrous contracts come Friday, when NBA free agency begins in earnest, because the salary cap has increased 34 percent from 2015 to $94 million this summer. As a result, cap space is burning a hole through the pockets of every GM who already couldn’t help himself in free agency.

The Detroit Pistons signed Reggie Jackson to a five-year, $80 million deal last summer, so you can only imagine the sort of money that will be thrown around this July. But just because a GM has an extra $24 million to spend doesn’t mean he must dole out all of it (the salary floor is $84.6 million), and it certainly doesn’t mean he shouldn’t invest it wisely. Do you want your team to pay Evan Turner $48 million over the next four years? Brace yourself, because that news just might spoil your July 4.

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And Turner didn’t even make our 2016 NBA Free Agency All-Cap-Killer Teams, although he was on the bubble along with fellow free-agent guards Brandon Jennings, Jeremy Lin and J.R. Smith. These are the guys who — if you wake up this Fourth of July to the news your team agreed to terms on a mega-deal with one of them overnight — it might make that can of Budweiser America taste a little more bitter.

FIRST TEAM

C: Dwight Howard

After declining a player option that would’ve paid him $23.2 million in 2016-17 (See what I mean? Players are thumbing their noses at $23.2 million), Howard’s tenure in Houston appears to be over. That’s good news for Rockets fans and bad news for the faithful of every other NBA team, especially the Atlanta Hawks and Boston Celtics, who according to ESPN are the first two teams to set meetings with the much-maligned, oft-injured 30-year-old former three-time Defensive Player of the Year.

It’s the last bit — the lure of Howard’s potential presence as a rim-protecting force of nature — that will entice at least one GM to eclipse $100 million and approach the $140 million max contract offer he can earn over the next four years. Howard led Houston to the Western Conference finals in 2015, they will say, ignoring the fact he only played 41 games that season and wore out his welcome the following season, just as he’d done in previous stays on the Los Angeles Lakers and Orlando Magic.

F: Ryan Anderson

Speaking of former Magicians, Anderson became a darling of the NBA’s stretch-four revolution, shooting 39.3 percent on 763 3-point attempts over his final two years in Orlando and capturing Most Improved Player honors while working on a bargain deal in 2011-12. That earned him a well-deserved four-year, $34 million deal from New Orleans in the summer of 2012 that he fulfilled this past season.

Along the way, tragedy befell Anderson, and he hasn’t been the same player since undergoing season-ending neck surgery in 2014. His 3-point accuracy has dipped to a league average 35.3 percent, and for a player who’s been a minus defensively for his career, that’s cause for concern, even if he is only 28 years old. Is there a GM out there crazy enough to offer him a $120 million max deal? There might be.

F: Harrison Barnes

Did you watch the last three games of the NBA Finals? In case you didn’t, Barnes was a lost cause on the biggest of stages when the Cleveland Cavaliers drove a stake through the heart of his Golden State Warriors’ immortality. Now, do you want your team to pay that guy $100 million? Didn’t think so.

G: Dion Waiters

Waiters was a revelation during the Oklahoma City Thunder’s impressive postseason run, serving as an invaluable role player and realizing a bit of the potential that made him the fourth overall pick four years ago, but he was also responsible for one of the weirdest (dumbest?) plays of the playoffs. It was no surprise that Kevin Durant had to colorfully remind Waiters of his role on a title contender.

The Thunder lived with Waiters’ defensive lapses, hero-balling offense and general malaise while he was still on his rookie contract, but paying Waiters the four years and $40 million he could command in free agency is a different story. Don’t approve your GM’s vacation to Waiters Island this July.

G: Rajon Rondo

Four-time All-Star. Three-time NBA assist leader, including this past season, when he led the league with 11.7 per game. Two-time First-Team All-Defensive selection. One-time NBA champion. What could go wrong? Maybe give Celtics president of basketball operations Danny Ainge a call for that answer. Rondo stopped playing defense in Boston, quit on the Mavericks after being traded to Dallas and swallowed his pride in the form of a one-year, $9.5 million deal from the Sacramento Kings in 2014-15.

Granted, he joined Russell Westbrook as the only other player in the league to average double-digit points and assists while adding at least five rebounds per game in 2015-16. Except, the Kings owned a horrendous defense and middling offense, because Rondo doesn’t play the former and can’t shoot to increase the efficiency of the latter. Is there a team out there willing to pay him in excess of $100 million? Is it the Brooklyn Nets, who Rondo reportedly has interest in? What a pair that would make.

SECOND TEAM

C: Joakim Noah

You either love Noah or hate him. If you ever played with the 31-year-old center, you’re probably in the fan club. If you ever faced him, you’ve probably considered making an oddly coiffed Voodoo Doll. Which is why I’m pro-Noah. He’s the sort of antagonist you want on your roster, combining a high motor with a high basketball IQ. The dude averaged 12 points 11 rebounds, five assists and two blocks over two All-Star seasons from 2012-14, finishing fourth in the MVP voting just two years ago.

What’s the issue, then? Well, Noah’s body has been breaking down for a while now, as he’s missed at least 20 percent of five of his last seven seasons, including season-ending shoulder surgery 29 games into this season. For a (near) 7-footer north of 30 years old, that’s a problem, but it’s one some team — reportedly the Washington Wizards — might ignore in offering a $120 million max contract.

F: Jared Sullinger

As a former 21st overall selection, Sullinger proved a solid late-round pick for the Celtics, averaging 16 points and 11 rebounds per 36 minutes during his four years in Boston. But the generously listed 265-pound power forward’s biggest problem has been an inability to play 36 minutes a night. Ainge has consistently and publicly criticized Sullinger’s conditioning, and back and foot injuries that cut one season short and nearly ended another, respectively, aren’t positive signs for the 24-year-old’s future.

Sullinger is an old-school four in a league that relies less and less on them, and he’s one that’s shown up to training camp out of shape every year, despite his repeated insistence to the contrary. The Celtics tried like heck to turn him into a stretch forward, but his 27.6 percent career clip on almost three attempts from distance per game for the past four years makes him one of the league’s worst 3-point shooters. Sold on Sully yet? Well, ESPN is, ranking him as the eighth-best free agent in the Class of 2016, and all it takes is one general manager to think $15 million a year will motivate Sullinger.

F: Jeff Green

Folks freaked out when Green got a $35.2 million deal from the Celtics four years ago, so imagine the reaction when he signs for twice that this summer — or more. Green’s athleticism at 6-foot-9 is awfully enticing, as is his occasional production, which included a 20 points-per-game average on 58.2 true shooting in a brief 2013 playoff appearance for Boston. If you were to create a basketball player in a lab, you might come up with a Green prototype, but you can’t manufacture engagement.

Eight seasons into his NBA career, four teams have fallen in love with Green’s potential, and three have dumped him. The L.A. Clippers will make it a perfect 4-for-4 if they opt not to re-sign him this summer. John Hollinger was Green’s harshest of critics while still at ESPN when that $35.2 million deal was signed, and even he, as vice president of basketball operations for the Memphis Grizzlies a few years later, was enticed enough to give the Celtics a first-round pick for him in 2015. A year later, the Grizz dealt him for Lance Stephenson, which should give you an idea of the league’s love/hate relationship with Green. A fifth team will fall in love with Green this summer. Just hope it’s not yours.

F: Eric Gordon

It’s hard to believe Gordon is still only 27 years old. It seems like a generation ago he was the centerpiece of the Clippers’ trade for Chris Paul, but that was only four and a half years back. Since then, Gordon has earned $58.4 million and never played more than 64 games in a season for New Orleans, including three seasons of 45 or fewer games. Injuries riddled a once promising career.

But because he remains 27 years old and averaged 15 points a game while shooting 40 percent from 3-point range over his last three (partial) seasons on the Pelicans, plenty of teams will be interested in him on a one- or two-year trial deal. The problem will be when those teams begin outbidding each other with more years and millions until Gordon ends up with another four-year, $60 million contract.

G: Brandon Jennings

Returning from a ruptured left Achilles tendon, the former Pistons point guard fetched Tobias Harris from the Magic on the trade market, just months after Harris signed a four-year, $64 million deal. He then averaged 14 points and eight assists off the bench in Orlando, shooting the same low percentage and playing the same high-turnover style that made him expendable in Milwaukee and Detroit.

None of that will stop some GM from taking a flyer on Jennings because he’s 26 years old and once made an All-Rookie roster. And by flyer I mean someone will offer him tens of millions of dollars.

Happy shopping, everyone.

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Ben Rohrbach

is a contributor for Ball Don’t Lie and Shutdown Corner on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at rohrbach_ben@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter!