Demi Lovato has emotionally bared it all for fans. She’s been candid about addiction struggles, battling an eating disorder, and her mental health — so it’s no surprise she’s getting raw about the state of her sobriety.
In her new single “Sober,” the 25-year-old former Disney star opens up about relapsing.
“Mama, I’m so sorry I’m not sober anymore / And daddy please forgive me for the drinks spilled on the floor,” she sings. “To the ones who never left me / We’ve been down this road before I’m so sorry, I’m not sober anymore.”
Lovato continues, “And I’m sorry for the fans I lost who watched me fall again / I wanna be a role model, but I’m only human.”
Another lyric reads: “I’m sorry that I’m here again / I promise I’ll get help / It wasn’t my intention / I’m sorry to myself.”
Lovato released the song along with a lyric video on Thursday.
— Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) June 21, 2018
The former Camp Rock star first sought treatment in 2010. Lovato, who has been diagnosed as bipolar, admitted to struggling with bulimia and self-harm. Shortly after she left rehab, she relapsed, turning back to cocaine.
“I wasn’t working my program, I wasn’t ready to get sober. I was sneaking [cocaine] on planes, I was sneaking it in bathrooms, sneaking it throughout the night,” she revealed in her 2017 documentary Simply Complicated. “I went on a bender of like, two months where I was using daily. … There was one night when I used a bunch of coke and I popped a few Xanax bars, and I began to choke a little bit. My heart started racing, and I thought to myself, ‘Oh my God, I might be overdosing right now.’”
In March, Lovato celebrated six years of sobriety.
“Yesterday, six years ago, I was drinking vodka out of a Sprite bottle at nine in the morning, throwing up in the car and I just remember thinking, ‘This is no longer cute. This is no longer fun. And I’m just like my dad.’ So I made changes in my life,” Lovato emotionally told the crowd at her concert in New York. “The reason why I became so open about my story is because I know that there are people here tonight that need to ask for help and I want them to know that it’s OK. Mental health is something that we all need to talk about and we need to take the stigma away from it. So let’s raise the awareness. Let’s let everybody know it’s OK to have a mental illness and addiction problem.”
Just officially turned 6 years sober. So grateful for another year of joy, health and happiness. It IS possible. 🙏🏼
— Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) March 15, 2018
The following month, the internet speculated about whether the singer was off the wagon after she enjoyed a night out in Hollywood. Lovato — along with fellow Disney Channel stars Cole Sprouse, Debby Ryan, Alyson Stoner, and Matthew Scott Montgomery — celebrated the release of Hayley Kiyoko’s new album and was holding a drink in some photos.
THATS A LOT OF CUTE PEOPLE TOGETHER😍😍❤️ I’m so happy for her omg!! ‘ ‘ ‘ #hayleykiyoko #expectations #party #lgbtqia #LGBTcommunity #laurenjauregui #demilovato #cheers #matthewscottmontgomery #sirahsays #keanamarie #SYD #beccatiley
A post shared by Hayley Kiyoko fan❤️🌈 (@hayleykiyokogirl) on Apr 7, 2018 at 4:11am PDT
One user wrote, “@DDLovato Bishh I’m not hating on you or tryna put you on blast but frs frs can you at least explain this lmaooo. Also at all of you who will prolly get defensive and pissed, I’m not tryna question Demi’s sobriety bc I have a lot of respect for her. It’s just it seems weird.”
Lovato replied, “I don’t have to defend anything but it was red bull.”
She has shared a few cryptic posts on social media about her “truth” and beginning a “new chapter.”
There’s nothing like the truth. The honest to God, uncomfortable and shocking truth. Sometimes you have to share your story in the most honest way possible… for me that’s through music
— Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) May 29, 2018
Sometimes you have to end an era to begin talking about a new chapter of your life. #D7
— Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) May 30, 2018
I feel like I’ve grown more in the past two months than I have in years. I feel like a new woman and I’m so grateful for my life today.
— Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) June 1, 2018
It’s unclear when exactly the singer relapsed. However, she admitted the thought of drinking again crossed her mind at the 2016 Met Gala.
“I had a terrible experience,” she said. “This one celebrity was a complete bitch and was miserable to be around. It was very cliquey. I remember being so uncomfortable that I wanted to drink … I changed my clothes, but I still had my diamonds on — millions of dollars of diamonds on in an AA meeting. I related more to the homeless people in that meeting who struggled with the same struggles that I deal with than the people at the Met Gala — fake and sucking the fashion industry’s dick.”
Lovato has yet to comment further about the meaning behind her “Sober” lyrics.
Read more from Yahoo! Entertainment: