Get a new hobby. Adopt a pet. Live a little. Anything’s better than watching Panthers

Look, if you’re planning on going to watch the Carolina Panthers continue to commit crimes against football next Sunday, more power to you. There’s a 33 percent chance of rain in the forecast, which means you’ve got decent odds on good weather, at least.

If that’s indeed your deal, you’ll be glad to know the team’s offering free root canals before the game. BYO anesthetic, not that you’ll want it, you masochist.

Enjoy the camaraderie, the tailgating, the distraction from the workweek, whatever, because the football is only going to insult your intelligence.

Of course, if you are still paying attention, you already know: Just when it looked like the Panthers had turned a corner, finding a way to squeeze out a win against the New Orleans Saints, in the same kind of game they keep losing, a week ago — ironically, when the eyes of a good chunk of the Charlotte gentry were focused on Quail Hollow and the Presidents Cup instead — they were back to their old habits on Sunday.

There may not be anything in the wide, wide world of sports more unwatchable than bad NFL football, and the Panthers continue to pump out even a poor vintage of that. It’s one thing to lose, honestly and genuinely, clear hearts and all that. Such is the nature of sports, the beauty of it. The Panthers, in this 26-16 loss to the Arizona Cardinals and so many before, manage to lose in the most infuriating and ugliest ways possible.

In the face of these same persistent problems resurfacing week after week, Matt Rhule was asked afterward if he was second-guessing his own coaching abilities.

“No, but it’s a good question,” Rhule said. “I can understand why you asked it.”

They didn’t score an offensive touchdown until garbage time, Christian McCaffrey graded out as “present,” but just barely, and Baker Mayfield had a full handful of passes — 5 (five) — batted down at the line. Other than future WWE superstar Frankie Luvu — pick-6, body slam, clothesline — it was very hard to figure out what exactly was supposed to be worth the price of admission.

The Panthers’ most exciting pass of the day was thrown by punter Johnny Hekker on a fake punt called back for a penalty. Rhule’s living the football version of the Sixth Sense — “I see fired coaches” — and while the defense certainly did its part yet again to honor Sam Mills’ memory on the day the Panthers chose to recognize the Hall of Famer who set the standard for this franchise, the offense seemed determine to defile it.

But that’s an old story, isn’t it? The oldest, with these Panthers. Defense plays well enough to win and offense trips over its own shoelaces. It spans multiple coaches, multiple quarterbacks, multiple administrations. McCaffrey was a bystander for most of the game Sunday, and there’s certainly value in limiting his touches, but eight carries is way too far to the extreme. He’s the one player the Panthers have capable of conjuring magic from nothing — other than Hekker, apparently, because Mayfield clearly isn’t — and they’ve done a better job of keeping him under wraps than their opponents.

Meanwhile, Panthers fans took a break from Googling “Matt Rhule fired yet” to search for “Sam Darnold return” in the fourth quarter of this one, and what a state of affairs it is when the quarterback no one could wait to run out of town last November is suddenly the savior again — never mind the baseline competence of Teddy Bridgewater, cynically scapegoated and now merely a bedtime story Panthers fans tell their kids.

Those poor kids. There’s now an entire generation in these two neighboring states that didn’t choose to be Panthers fans but were born to it, and one can only pity them. Everyone else is still watching by choice, waiting for the Panthers to bring in yet another failed QB who’s allegedly going to turn his career around under this coaching staff. The next one’s always the ticket. It’s the hope that kills you.

At some point, in the near or far, far future, the Panthers will figure this out and be worth your time. They’re not now. Enjoy the fall weather while it lasts. Get a new hobby. Adopt a pet. Live a little.

Never miss a Luke DeCock column. Sign up at tinyurl.com/lukeslatest to have them delivered directly to your email inbox as soon as they post.

Luke DeCock’s Latest: Never miss a column on the Canes, ACC or other Triangle sports