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Healthy relationships: Let us love better this month ... and all year

Jennifer Pencek
·3 min read

February is often seen as the Month of Love — or at least that’s what all the commercials tell us. But what the commercials filled with promises of eternal love if you just buy this one piece of jewelry, this one car, or whatever piece of materialism thrown into the universe don’t tell you is there are so many types of love — none of which are guaranteed to last forever and certainly not without a healthy dose of respect and boundaries.

Love is often equated with romantic gestures or even sexual intimacy. But what about love between friends, colleagues, or the stranger you pass on the street? Do you love the person others ignore but who is just as deserving of affection and the generosity of others? How about the person who on the surface seems reserved or stand-offish but maybe has secretly been dealing with trauma or depression?

No matter the type of love, there likely are signs whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy. One Love Foundation promotes 10 signs to help us consider the relationships in our own lives. One Love Foundation (joinonelove.org) is a national nonprofit organization with the goal of ending relationship abuse. The organization empowers young people with tools and resources to see the signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships and bring life-saving education to communities.

10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

While everyone does unhealthy things sometimes, we can all learn to love better by recognizing unhealthy signs and shifting to healthy behaviors. If you are seeing unhealthy signs in your relationship, it is important to not ignore them and understand they can escalate to abuse. If you think you are in a dangerous situation, trust your gut and get help.

  1. Intensity: When someone expresses very extreme feelings and over-the-top behavior that feels overwhelming.

  2. Manipulation: When someone tries to control your decisions, actions or emotions.

  3. Sabotage: When someone purposely ruins your reputation, achievements or success.

  4. Guilting: When someone makes you feel responsible for their actions or makes you feel like it’s your job to keep them happy.

  5. Deflecting responsibility: When someone repeatedly makes excuses for their unhealthy behavior.

  6. Possessiveness: When someone is jealous to a point where they try to control who you spend time with and what you do.

  7. Isolation: When someone keeps you away from friends, family or other people.

  8. Belittling: When someone does and says things to make you feel bad about yourself.

  9. Volatility: When someone has a really strong, unpredictable reaction that makes you feel scared, confused or intimidated.

  10. Betrayal: When someone is disloyal or acts in an intentionally dishonest way.

10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Healthy relationships bring out the best in you and make you feel good about yourself. A healthy relationship does not mean a “perfect” relationship, and no one is healthy 100 percent of the time, but the signs below are behaviors you should strive for in all your relationships.

  1. Comfortable pace: The relationship moves at a speed that feels enjoyable for each person.

  2. Honesty: You can be truthful and candid without fearing how the other person will respond.

  3. Respect: You value one another’s beliefs and opinions and love one another for who you are as a person.

  4. Kindness: You are caring and empathetic to one another, and provide comfort and support.

  5. Healthy conflict: Openly and respectfully discussing issues and confronting disagreements non-judgmentally.

  6. Trust: Confidence that your partner won’t do anything to hurt you or ruin the relationship.

  7. Independence: You have space to be yourself outside of the relationship.

  8. Equality: The relationship feels balanced and everyone puts the same effort into the success of the relationship.

  9. Taking responsibility: Owning your own actions and words.

  10. Fun: You enjoy spending time together and bring out the best in each other.

No matter the relationships in your life, know there is support to help you navigate whatever you may be experiencing. Please visit centresafe.org to learn more about Centre Safe services and/or call our 24/7 hotline at 877-234-5050.

Jennifer Pencek is the executive director of Centre Safe.