Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Welcome to parenting. None of the pencils in your house have erasers on them now.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 2, 2017
Watched Great Pumpkin special with my son yesterday and he LOST HIS F**KING MIND FOR SNOOPY.
He calls him "SNOOFY."
NO ONE CORRECT HIM EVER
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) October 30, 2017
Shout out to all the parents whose kids have changed their minds today about their Halloween costumes.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 30, 2017
Halloween never scared me until I became a parent. There is NOTHING scarier than over tired kids in costumes hopped up on sugar.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) October 31, 2017
LOL at the brand new, naive father that told me "Disney will never see a cent of my money."
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 29, 2017
My 5yo thinks the best time to ask me to spell every word in the English language is when I'm both on the phone & making dinner.
— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) November 2, 2017
People who have it together enough to do family-themed costumes, what is that like?
— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) October 29, 2017
When you ask someone the age of their oldest kid, you're also asking them how long it's been since they had a good night's sleep.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) November 2, 2017
4yo from the other room: I love you, Mama.
Me: Aww, I love you too!
4, angrily: No, that was my doll saying it to her mommy!
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 30, 2017
If there’s not at least 1 kid dissolving into a sobbing jellyfish after being denied a 39th piece of candy, can you even call it Halloween?
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 1, 2017
I don’t secretly steal my kids’ Halloween candy. I eat it right in front of them while maintaining eye contact. Total power move.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 2, 2017
I'm just a Mom, going for a walk with her kids, staying just far enough ahead of them so that people don't know they're mine.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) October 30, 2017
These days when people tell me they're having a baby, my "congratulations" is starting to sound an awful lot like "good luck!"
— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) October 29, 2017
Me: You can be anything you want in this world.
Also me: You picked the ghost costume for Halloween and that's what you're going to be.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) October 30, 2017
If you think you can handle finding Mac n Cheese inside of your favorite shoes, then parenting is right for you.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) October 27, 2017
(Making the kids' school lunches)
8: We don't have school tomorrow!
Me: GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) October 29, 2017
When a child gets a bad cold that’s when parents feel completely powerless. You just know that little Petri dish is gonna get you sick too.
— @TheAlexNevil (@TheAlexNevil) October 30, 2017
Spends 2 hrs refusing to sleep in soft, comfortable bed. Passes out 20 min later, sitting upright, in hard, uncomfortable carseat.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 30, 2017
My 1-year-old picked up her toy phone, said "Don't call," and slammed it down.
She gets her people skills from me.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 29, 2017
7: WHY is it so hard to get you to pay attention to somebody?!?!
5: I'm FIVE!
— here comes the son (@idtweetforever) November 2, 2017