"I posted that because I was at the end of my rope. I had burned everything down yet again," McDermott explained, sharing how the statement had also "devastated" his children
Feeling “drunk and angry,” the former Chopped Canada host, 57, recalled seeing “the light, the final flicker of the flame go out in her eyes” as he “raged against her and the children.”
“I posted that because I was at the end of my rope,” he told the Daily Mail, explaining that his issues with substance abuse and their financial insecurity had left him feeling helpless. “I didn't know what to do. I had burned everything down yet again.”
Not only was Spelling, 50, “totally caught off guard” and “traumatized,” but their five children were also “particularly devastated” by his online statement. The television personality shared that he quickly came to his senses and deleted the post — though the damage had already been done.
“I was literally at my wit's end,” McDermott continued. “That night, I was drinking and I was into my pills. After I sent the post, I took some more pills, and I took six or seven Ambien in the hopes that I would not wake up.”
Thankfully he did, “Because I would've ruined so many lives if I had died.”
In June, McDermott announced the couple's split after 18 years together, noting that the pair "have decided to go our separate ways" and "start a new journey of our own."
"We will continue to work together as loving parents and guide and love our children through this difficult time," he continued. "We ask that you all respect our privacy as we take this time to surround our family with love and work our way through this. Thank you all for your support and kindness. 🙏"
The reality star admitted to the outlet that his impromptu statement “wasn’t the right way” to break the news though it certainly “got people’s attention” and “the people I needed it to.”
“It fell in the ears of people I wanted it to fall into,” he said, before adding. “I was so full of shame and it was such a horrible idea. And then my kids were really, really hurt.” He also revealed that the incident prompted post prompted Spelling to encourage him to seek treatment.
McDermott and the Beverly Hills, 90210 alum married on May 7, 2006, and renewed their vows on May 8, 2010. They share fdaughters Stella Doreen, 15, Hattie Margaret, 12, and sons Liam Aaron, 16, Finn Davey, 11, and Beau Dean, 6.
In the nearly two decades since their wedding, McDermott said he fell deeper into alcohol and prescription drug abuse and publicly cheated, despite the beginning of their romance being "a total fairytale."
"I mean, it was a beautiful love story," McDermott told the Daily Mail. "Love at first sight and getting married in the most beautiful way possible."
He noted the "pain" he's put Spelling through and how he's "taking accountability" for what ultimately happened in his marriage. "It's going to be living the rest of my life making amends because I took something that was really beautiful and I just tore it down year after year, day after day," admitted McDermott.
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