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Dad goes viral for PSA about men guarding their wife’s personhood

dad holding baby talking
@honest_fatherhood/Instagram

Let’s face it: No matter how equal your parenting partnership is, the mom will more than likely be carrying the mental load for her family. But modern dads are stepping up and not only acknowledging that their partner needs a break, but also stepping in to ensure she receives the support she needs. And they’re posting about it on social media so other dads can learn, too.

Daniel Grose (@honest_fatherhood on Instagram) recently went viral for sharing a PSA titled:  “A word to fathers about motherhood that I wish someone had told me long ago,” geared toward men about guarding their wife’s personhood. In the confessional-type clip, the father of four says “if you’re a man and you’ve been married for any period of time with kids, you probably know that your wife is more in tune to their needs and that affects her more strongly than it does you,” while holding his young son.

“Women just operate on this frequency that men don’t have but there’s nothing wrong with that,” he admits. “It’s a strength that they have that we don’t.”

However, even the biggest strengths come with challenges, and for moms that’s trying to fill our own cups while ensuring our family is happy and healthy. “She’s got all these needs that she’s trying to juggle and do the best she can, and it’s overwhelming,” Grose continues. “So sometimes she can’t have her own thoughts—her only thoughts are meeting the needs of everybody else. And when I don’t step in and give her space and guard her personhood and guard her heart, it allows for things like bitterness and loneliness to come in. Even feelings of resenting motherhood, which makes her feel guilty because she loves me and she loves the kids.”

“It is my job when I see my wife getting overwhelmed to man up, step in, and give her a break,” he says before pointing out “really I need to be doing it all along so that she never gets to that point.”

“I didn’t know that coming into marriage,” Grose confesses. “I have learned it hard over the years.”

After reading through comments and processing praise and criticism, Grose edited his caption to clarify a point that irked some people. “When I said ‘step in’ when she gets overwhelmed … there is an assumption/implication that she is the default parent. It could be heard as ‘men are the relief pitcher,’” he wrote. “That’s not the standard I hold myself [to] or what I want men to hold themselves to. We don’t ‘step in,’ we need [to] already be ‘knee deep’ with our wives at all times.”

It takes great communication and the readiness to let your guard down for couples to get to this point—we all have triggers and defense mechanisms—and it doesn’t happen overnight. A strong partnership means nurturing your relationship with your spouse and getting to the space where you feel comfortable expressing your needs without judgment.