CJCH - Sunday, May 26, 2024 - 11:00 p.m. (ET) - Segment #2

Ready go Collect points with every purchase. And save big on their favourite services. Anything for you PetSmart. Anything for Pets. We know you care. But if this is all too real for you and your loved ones. Make the call. Because we care too. Home Instead. To us, it's personal. This new Charmin Ultra Soft smooth tear has wavy edges. It's no ordinary square. New Charmin Ultra Soft smooth tear has wavy perforations that tear so much better with more cushiony softness. Enjoy the go with Charmin. So, what's going onwith Raj? Well, the good news is, he has no problemwith my mother's tur-briska-fil. Hard to believe,but go on. The bad news is,he says he's getting deported. LEONARD:What do you mean, he's getting deported? I believe it meansthat the U.S. government is going to expel himfrom the country. He could then either returnto his native India, emigrate to another countrythat's willing to accept him or wander the high seasas a stateless pirate. Personally, I'd choose pirate. Penny, would you mindstepping outside so we can speak to him? (groans)Fine. But the man really needs to workon his girl issues. Another reason to considera life of piracy. Even today, I understandthat's an all-male profession. Okay, she's gone. Sorry.I lost my cool. So, what's going on? Okay, here's the deal: Six months ago, myresearch testing the predicted compositionof trans-Neptunian objects ran into a dead end. So?So, my visa's only good as long as I'm employedat the university. And when they find outI've got squat, they're going to cut me off. By the way, when I say squat,I mean diddly-squat. I wish I had squat. So, wait, what have you beendoing for the past six months? You know, checking e-mail, updating my Facebook status, messing up Wikipedia entries. Hey, did you know Netflix lets you stream movieson your computer now? And you've continuedto take the university's money under false pretenses? Highly unethicalfor an astrophysicist. Although practically mandatoryfor a pirate. I don't want to go back to India. It's hot and loud, and there's so many people. You have no idea-- they're everywhere. Okay, guys, think. How do we keep Raj in the country? PENNY: Why doesn't he just get another job? What are you asking me for? I don't know if you can talk now or not. Oh, beef... I'm going to miss you so much. Do you know, at the Mumbai McDonald's, you can't get a Big Mac? All you can get is a Chicken Maharaja Mac. And the special sauce-- curry-- which, in India, believe you me, is really not that special. Don't worry, you'll find another job. Yeah, let me start practicing for it. "Do you want fries with that Maharaja Mac?" SHELDON: Hi, Leonard. Hello, Raj. Hello, Sheldon. Forgive me, as you know, I'm not adept at reading facial cues, but I'm going to take a stab here: You're either sad or nauseated. I'm sad. I was going to say sad. I don't know why I hedged. What are you eating? Elbow macaroni with ground hamburger and tomato sauce. Oh, Beefaroni. I think I'll miss you most of all. I've always been a little confused about this. Why don't Hindus eat beef? We believe cows are gods. Not technically. In Hinduism, cattle are thought to belikegod. Do not tell me about my own culture, Sheldon! In the mood I'm in, I'll take you out-- I swear to cow! I'm sorry. Me, too. I'm just... I'm a little on edge. Understandable. Your entire life seems to be crumbling around you, and your future appears bleak at best. Thank you. And you're wrong about Hinduism and cows. Hey, Raj, guess what. Professor Laughlin is looking for someone to join the stellar evolution research team. You-You're kidding! That's fantastic! WOLOWITZ: Come on. What are you waiting for? Call him and set up an interview. I'm on it. That's happy, right? Yeah. Nailed it. Dr. Koothrappali, come on in. I was surprised to hear you were interested in joining our little team. Giving up on those trans-Neptunian objects, are we? No, no; it's a very promising area. In a perfect world, I'd spend several more years on it. But I just couldn't pass up

the opportunity to work with you on your tremendously exciting and not yet conclusively disproved hypothesis. Splendid. Uh, please sit down. Can I offer you a sherry? It's a little early, isn't it? Not on Proxima Centauri. (chuckles) (laughing): That's very good. Jolly amusing, but if you don't mind, I'll hold off until sunset on Titan. (laughs) Well done. I have a feeling you're going to fit in just fine, Dr. Koothrappali. Thank you, sir. (knock at door) I'm sorry. Am I late? No, no, no. Right on time. Dr. Koothrappali, may I present Dr. Millstone from MIT. She'll be heading up our data analysis team. It's nice to meet you, Dr. Koothrappali. I read your paper on Kuiper Belt object size distribution. I really enjoyed it. How did you correct for the selection bias? Well, I ran a simulation that allowed me to correct for the observational efficiency. That's just fascinating. Thank you. Would you like to hear more about it in my hot tub? So, when do I start? What do you mean you didn't get the job? How could you not get it? You know... he's British; I'm Indian. Ever since Gandhi, they haven't liked us very much. Wait, are you saying that he discriminated against you? Because we should file a complaint. That's okay. A complaint's been filed. So, that's it. That was my last hope. I'm going to be deported, sent home in disgrace, exposed to the sardonic barbs of my cousin Sanjay. Or, as you may know him, Dave from AT&T Customer Service. I'm really going to miss you. Will you come visit me in India? Gee, that's, like, a 17-hour flight. How about I meet you halfway? Halfway is 600 miles off the coast of Japan. Tell you what, we'll Skype. Gentlemen. LEONARD:Hey. Raj, did you get the job with Professor Laughlin? No. I assumed as much. But never fear. Like the subordinate male protagonist in countless action movies who disappears halfway through the second reel, I have returned to save the day. Odd. Usually, he's met by cheers. Anyway, I was thinking about exploring the string theory implications of gamma rays from dark matter annihilations, and it occurred to me that I could benefit-- Excuse me, Sheldon. How many reels before the subordinate male protagonist gets to his point? I'm sorry-- if you didn't cheer at my entrance, it's too late to buy into the premise. Anyway, I got some extra money from the head of the department, and Raj can come work for me. You want me toworkwith you? Forme. You're going to have to listen more carefully when you're on the job. Okay, uh, please don't take this the wrong way, but I'd rather swim buck-naked across the Ganges with a paper cut on my nipple and die a slow, agonizing death from a viral infection than work with you. Forme. “Don't Let Go” by Terrace Martin, Mr Talkbox, PJ Morton Don't let me go No Don't let me go No Don't let me go No, no, no don't let me go Don't let me go No don't you ever let me go Don't you ever let me go Don't you ever let me go Want a smarter way to mop? Introducing the new Swiffer PowerMop, an all-in-one cleaning tool with a 360° swivel head that goes places a regular mop just can't. Mop Smarter with the new Swiffer PowerMop. With HelloFresh, get more out of your budget without compromising on quality or flavour. Delicious meals with fresh ingredients that save on food waste and trips to the grocery store. Order now at HelloFresh.ca A diaper this leak-free,sets them free. Only Pampers Cruisers 360 have a 360 stretchy waistband. Plus a newblowout barrier. For up to 100%leak-free fit. Pampers Cruisers 360. Live wild and free. They allow us to live because we follow their rules. Do not turn your back to the mirror. Do not open the door after dark. Let me inside! Do not go near the burrows. Always stay in the light.

Daniel! Don't you want to know what they are? The Watchers. Only in theatres June 7th. NIVEA Q10 Targeted Wrinkle Filler. ( ) With Pure Q10 coenzyme and Bioxifill peptides. Visibly reduces the look of fine lines in 5 minutes and moisturizes to help reduce the look of deeper wrinkles over time. For every expression of you. NIVEA. [ ] Ever notice some odours don't come out in the wash? Odours like those from sweat,urine, and other musty odours can get trappedin fabrics. Try Downy Rinse & Refresh. Just add to the fabric softener drawer. It's formulated withodour-releasing technology to helpremove odours 3 times betterthan detergent alone. Plus, it's gentle on sensitiveskin and on all fabrics. Release trapped odours the first time with Downy Rinse & Refresh also available in fragrance-free. Brand Power, helping you buy better. FOUR ELIGIBLE FARMERS SEARCH FOR REAL LIFE ROMANCE WITH A NEW CROP OF DATERS FARMING FOR LOVE ON CTV (knock at door) Sheldon, are you busy? Of course I'm busy. Shall I wait? Yes, please. How may I help you? I've reconsidered your offer to let me work with you. Forme. Yes,foryou. I do, however, have a few conditions. First, at all times, I am to be treated as a colleague and an equal. Second, my contributions shall be noted in all published materials. And third, you are never allowed to lecture me on Hinduism or my Indian culture. I'm impressed, Raj. Those are very cogent and reasonable conditions. Thank you. I reject them all. Then you leave me no choice. I accept the job. I'm sorry, I believe you've misunderstood. I'm not giving you the job. I'm simply affording you the opportunity to apply for it. Have a seat; we'll get started with the interview. Wha... you're kidding! Please. (sighs) All right. (annoyed sigh) So... (sighs) That's what you wear to an interview? Come on, dude, we've been friends for years. Oh, pulling strings, are we? Sheldon, for God's sakes, don't make me beg. Bazinga! You've fallen victim to another one of my classic practical jokes. I'm your boss now. You may want to laugh at that. Ah, this is nice having the place to ourselves, isn't it? Uh-huh. Now that Raj is working for Sheldon, I don't have to chauffeur him around anymore. Plus, yeah, with them working late so much, we get some privacy. Mm-hmm. Hey, want to get a little crazy? What are you thinking? Let's slide over to Sheldon's spot and make out. You are a dirty girl. (knocking on door) Oh, God, how did he know? Hello. Hi, Howard. (wry laugh) Am I interrupting? Little bit, yeah. Guess I should have called. Yeah, maybe. (sighs) (clicking tongue) Tonight's the night I usually go line dancing with Raj at the Palomino. Uh-huh. But he's working with Sheldon. Yes, we know. Want me to leave? You know, whatever. Okay, I guess I can hang for a little while. So what are we watching? Sex and the City. Yikes. Hey, I happen to love this movie. Fine, let's watch it. Maybe all our periods will synchronize. All right, we're going to be designing an experiment to look for the annihilation spectrum resulting from dark matter collisions in space. Ooh, dark matter. We better bring a flashlight. (chuckles) I was making a joke. I'm the boss. I make the jokes. Sorry. Go ahead and make your joke. This is not the time for joking. We're doing serious research, which requires complete and utter focus. All right, let's buckle down and work. ("Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor playing)

Copyright protected and owned by broadcaster. Your licence is limited to private, internal, non-commercial use. All reproduction, broadcast, transmission or other use of this work is strictly prohibited.

Transcripts