Chrissy Teigen would have welcomed her third child this week and she’s reflecting on that loss as she recovers from endometriosis surgery.
Sharing photos from the video shoot for husband John Legend’s “Wild,” in which they made the surprise pregnancy announcement, the cookbook author and model, 35, remembered planning it with excitement and happiness.
However, she wrote that she “never imagined what would happen over the next 10 weeks.” The video was released on Aug. 3 and by September, Teigen shared that she was struggling amid a high-risk pregnancy caused by partial placental abruption, which had caused a lot of bleeding. She was on bed rest, then hospitalized, having blood transfusions, but ultimately lost the baby they planned to name Jack on Sept. 30.
The mom of two said she’s “not sure I’ll ever be able to watch that video again without sobbing but I hope he feels my tears and knows we miss him so. He would have been here any day now — if he were like Luna and Miles, I’d probably be holding him as we speak.”
Teigen had Legend take photos of them saying goodbye to the baby in the hospital, which she shared on social media. The photos sparked an important conversation about how mental health experts encourage parents of a loss like that to hold the baby, name the baby and take photos as part of a healthy grieving process. And while Teigen was instrumental in spotlighting that conversation, she still wishes she did one thing differently that day.
“I am so full of regret that I didn’t look at his face when he was born,” she candidly shared. “I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams. I hurt every day from that remorse.”
In addition to this week being her due date, Teigen returned home Thursday after undergoing surgery for endometriosis, a painful disorder in which tissue similar to the tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus grows outside the uterus.
She concluded her post by writing, “This month is a rough reminder and to be honest, I thought the worst was over but I guess life and emotions aren’t on any sort of schedule. Love you guys to pieces and am grateful for all your support and love. I firmly believe energy and healing travels through the night sky and I feel it, I promise I do. And I love you jack. I miss you so so much.”
Earlier this week, she shared with her followers that she had been feeling “off” as her due date neared. She spoke about how she has been experiencing period pangs that felt “exactly like baby kicks," sharing a video of her stomach moving. “I’ll pretend it’s him [Jack] saying hi,” she wrote.
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