Unparalleled in its butterfly-inducing excitement is the “talking phase” of a relationship. You know the one—you’re anxiously waiting for the person you’ve been on a couple dates and feel crazy chemistry with to text you back, your nightly phone calls are your favorite part of the day, and you’re counting down the days until you get to hang out with them again. But more than just a fun and flirty stage, it’s also a crucial getting-to-know you era. The relationship is new and you’re both putting your best foot forward in order to decide if you want to make it official, so when you text, you want to ask questions and bring in conversation starters that’ll tell you as much as possible about your overall compatibility. (While still, ya know, not feeling like a job interview and actually being fun.)
According to Mia Lux, the co-founder and CEO of the dating app and virtual social club, La Vette Social Club, texting can be a great flirting tool. But if you want to stand out in a sea of matches and Instagram slides, you’re going to want to make your texts feel special. “Think about giving value and adding to their day instead of being just another notification on their phone,” she says. That means nix the basic “how are you?” texts and think about the goal of your convo. Are you trying to get to know the person? Are you curious about something specific? Do you simply want to remind them you exist? Figure out the purpose before hitting send.
And take your time—there’s no rush! Don’t wait a whole day to text them back, but a short delay between messages gives you both a little more time to respond thoughtfully, which can be beneficial if you’re nervous or still testing the waters, says Lux.
Just remember: Texting is great, but it also makes it “hard to accurately assess what someone is like just from their messages. All the key non-verbal cues (how they sound, how they move, etc.) that give us an idea of if we feel safe with and are attracted to someone are missing,” says Lux. So even if you have great banter via text, don’t forget to take your connection offline to get a real feel for the person.
Whether things are platonic, you’re on a first date, or you’re in a long-term relationship and just wanna mix things up, here are 50 conversation starters for texting that’ll take your banter from basic to productive in 100 characters or less.
If You’re Texting a Dating App Match
Describe yourself in three words.
What was the best part of your day today?
What’s your strangest talent?
If you were an emoji, what emoji would you be?
What was your first concert?
Who’s your favorite character from a movie, TV show, or book?
If you could have dinner with one person (living or dead) who would it be?
What was the best vacation you ever went on?
What’s your favorite holiday?
If you were an animal, what animal would you be?
If You’re Texting Someone You’re Casually Dating
Do you have a life motto? What is it?
Are you more introverted or extroverted?
What’s your biggest pet peeve?
What role do you play in your friend group?
If your life was a movie, what scene would you want to watch on a loop?
What would you do if you won the lottery?
When was the last time you laughed so hard you couldn’t breathe?
What does your perfect day look like?
What’s the most interesting thing you read/saw/heard recently?
If You’re Texting Someone With Long-Term Potential
Are you a better talker or listener?
What’s the best thing about getting older? What’s the worst?
Who is your role model and why?
What do most people over or underestimate about you?
How often do you visit home? How do you feel when you do?
What’s something that makes you nervous?
What’s your love language?
Did you have pets growing up?
What’s something that made you feel really proud recently?
How do you define happiness for yourself?
If You’re Texting Your Partner and the Relationship Is Still New
What has been your favorite date that we’ve been on together?
What was the highlight and the lowlight of your day? What about your week?
Is there a hobby you’ve been curious about but haven’t tried yet?
Do you have a favorite family member? Why are they your favorite?
What’s your best holiday memory?
Do you have a “most embarrassing” moment?
How would your friends describe you in three words?
What does your dream vacation look like?
If you could do anything for work without money being a factor, what would you do?
Do you have a self-care routine? What does it look like?
If You’re Texting Your Long-Term Partner and Want to Dive Deeper
What song reminds you of me?
What has been your favorite part of our relationship so far?
Is there a sex thing you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?
Have you ever read a book/watched a show/listened to a podcast that taught you an important lesson about life?
Has our relationship made you think differently about your hopes and dreams for the future?
What has been your proudest accomplishment in your personal life so far?
Tell me about a time you’ve surprised yourself.
How do you make yourself feel better when you’re in a funk?
If you could build a time machine and go back to any era of your life, which one would it be? Would you do anything differently?
If you could travel into the future and see where you end up, would you do it?
Bookmark this page and remember: You no longer have to talk about the weather or complain about work. Use the above and watch your convos flow with ease!
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