Future News: Cristiano Ronaldo promises to ‘be less handsome’ when playing against Man United

Cristiano Ronaldo has said he will try to ugly himself up when he plays against former club Manchester United for the first time as a member of Real Madrid in the Champions League round of 16. Ronaldo forced a move from Man United to Madrid for a world-record transfer fee in 2009 after six years at Old Trafford, but out of respect to his old side he has vowed to alter his appearance so as not to upset them.

"I know that fans of other teams sometimes get upset with me for being so handsome and rich and talented and I do not want this to happen at Manchester United since they were like family to me," Ronaldo told Spanish newspaper Falso. "So I will try very hard to be less handsome when I play against them. I will get a bad perm before the matches. I will not moisturize. And I will have food stuck in my teeth for the entirety of both games."

Ronaldo has also said that he will not celebrate if he scores against Man United, but went on to offer even more goodwill gestures.

"I will not try to get Wayne Rooney sent off again [as he did at the 2006 World Cup]. I will not shush the Manchester United fans after any of the many, many goals we will score and I will not leave an upper decker in all of the visitors' dressing room toilets at Old Trafford. That's how much respect I have for Manchester, which was a valuable stepping stone in my career."

These words have already impressed Man United supporters. "That's pure class," said United fan Billiam H. Gacy. "It's like he never asked the club to sell him."