What's Buzzing:

Dirty Tackle

Chelsea’s last eight managers give Roberto Di Matteo their advice in his difficult time

Dirty Tackle

(Getty)

After an excellent start, Chelsea have once again slipped into a Fall lull (two wins in seven matches). Despite winning the Champions League and FA Cup just last season, this has still led to talk of manager Roberto Di Matteo's job being in danger because of Roman Abramovich's famous impatience. So, all of the managers in the Abramovich era who have come before Di Matteo have offered him a bit of advice to help him through these tough times.

Claudio Ranieri: As a fellow Italian, I can assure you everything will be fine, Roberto. You'll go to Spain for a season, bounce around Italy for a while and then end up in Monaco. And I'll tell you right now this place is sick. They have all kinds of parties and stuff. It's like living in a James Bond film, but one that includes a Ligue 2 football club. Anyway, don't worry about anything.

Jose Mourinho: Roberto. I am sorry you are having trouble managing my Chelsea, but what can I say? I expected this. Even though I was not there, I led you and the players to the club's first Champions League title using my methods and no one said, "Thank you, Jose. You are a genius and you smell like candy." So this year, I do no help. But don't worry, Roberto. If Pep Guardiola replaces you I will torment him until he is reduced to a blogging shell of his former self like Rafa Benitez when he tried to follow me at Inter. You're welcome.

Avram Grant: If Chelsea sack you, so what? I'm standing in the rain at the top of the Serbian SuperLiga now. Whatever.

Phil Scolari: You're probably thinking that if Chelsea sack you, you'll never be with a club that big again. So what? After Chelsea I went to Bunyodkor. Do you have any idea where that is? Neither do I. But look at how much fun I had at this wedding while I was there...

That's right. They had lasers, dancing and I got to wear a hat like a boss. Life is the best.

Ray Wilkins (caretaker manager): Stay on your feet.

Guus Hiddink: I wasn't sacked, Roberto, but I can tell you that there is always another club out there with absurdly rich owner. Remember that.

Carlo Ancelotti: LOL. What he said. I got sacked for winning a double for Abramovich, but I'm not upset about it because I got a bucket of money out of it and the bread in Paris is like baked orgasms. Seriously. I'm not exaggerating at all. Also, you have no idea how amazing it is to have Zlatan Ibrahimovic instead of Torres. No. Idea.

Andre Villas-Boas: F*** you, Roberto. That was supposed to be me winning the Champions League with Chelsea last season. But no. Now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and I can't even use a freaking notebook without getting mocked for it. So I hate you. And Fernando Torres. And yes, those weird phone calls you get in the middle of the night where it's just someone crying are from me. Deal with it.

View Comments (9)
  • Van Gaal got what he deserved at Man United, says Gullit

    (Reuters) - Manchester United were right to sack Louis van Gaal after the club failed to qualify for next season's Champions League, according to his fellow Dutchman Ruud Gullit. Van Gaal, who guided his side to a fifth-place finish in the Premier … More »

    Reuters - 2 minutes 3 seconds ago
  • French union leads new anti-reform protests, seeks to maintain momentum

    French union leads new anti-reform protests, seeks to maintain momentum

    By Brian Love and Ingrid Melander PARIS (Reuters) - France's hardline CGT union sought to choke off power and fuel supplies and hamper the country's public transport network on Thursday in a showdown with a government that flatly refused to … More »

    Reuters - 7 minutes ago
  • Benitez has full control over football matters at Newcastle

    Benitez has full control over football matters at Newcastle

    (Reuters) - Newcastle United manager Rafael Benitez has been assured full control of football-related decisions by the club's hierarchy as he aims for the side's immediate return to the Premier League. The 56-year old signed a three-year deal to … More »

    Reuters - 1 hour 28 minutes ago
  • Guardiola will transform Man City, predicts Ancelotti

    Guardiola will transform Man City, predicts Ancelotti

    (Reuters) - Incoming manager Pep Guardiola will give Manchester City a new identity, replicating the possession-based football that was the hallmark of his trophy-laden stint with Barcelona, according to his Bayern Munich successor Carlo Ancelotti. … More »

    Reuters - 1 hour 35 minutes ago
  • Bale feels right at home in Madrid

    Bale feels right at home in Madrid

    It took more than two seasons but Gareth Bale finally feels settled at Real Madrid and is dreaming of big things to come. The Wales international will play his second Champions League final with Real in three seasons in Milan on Saturday. Bale, … More »

    Reuters - 1 hour 48 minutes ago