Dirty Tackle

  • The Champions League group stage has begun and Arsenal defender Laurent Koscielny seems a bit confused about what sport he's supposed to be playing. Early in the first half of his side's match against Borussia Dortmund, Koscielny decided he would rather be playing volleyball and spiked the ball like someone who has seen Top Gun too many times.

    Koscielny wasn't punished for this because a foul was called on a Dortmund player. Later in the half, Koscielny was responsible for Ciro Immobile's opening goal. Other than all that, he actually was playing quite well, though.

    Dortmund went on to win 2-0.

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    Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

    Read More »from Arsenal's Laurent Koscielny thinks he's in the Champions League of volleyball
  • FC Muri goalkeeper Reto Felder has threatened to sue Baden fans who urinated in his water bottle, which he then drank from, during a Swiss fourth division match. The fans somehow convinced a ball boy to give them the bottle and then put it back when they were finished sullying it. And that's when the 34-year-old keeper had the least refreshing beverage of his life.

    From the Guardian:

    “I have never experienced anything like it, said Felder of the fans, who also shouted “now you will get Aids”. “That is just primitive filth,” he said. “I took one sip and realised that it was warm but thought that it was because of the sun. But by the second sip I realised that something was wrong.”

    THE SECOND SIP! He took one sip, noticed the warmth as the only thing that was off about the waste fluid in his mouth, and then took another sip and realized, "Yep, this is human urine in my mouth."

    While CCTV footage is being reviewed, an apology from Baden presiden Thomi Bram has been published on the

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  • A list of things that Rio Ferdinand did not like about David Moyes

    Rio Ferdinand has a new autobiography entitled #2Sides. Sadly, the hashtag is not a typo. It should also be noted that the book only presents one side. Rio Ferdinand's side.

    The plumbing of new depths in terrible book titles aside, Ferdinand has taken this opportunity to become the first former Man United player to publicly air his grievances with ex-manager David Moyes (for financial gain). The following is a list of Moyes horrors that the current QPR defender felt compelled to put in print.

    Negative tactics: You didn't have to play for Manchester United to realize that Moyes' tactics were markedly different from Sir Alex Ferguson's and his six home losses (Man United's most in 12 years) were a consequence of that.

    "Moyes' innovations mostly led to negativity and confusion," Ferdinand writes in the book, which is being serialized by The Sun. “Sometimes our main tactic was the long, high, diagonal cross. It was embarrassing. In one home game against Fulham we had 81 crosses! I was

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  • Fox Sports' Gus Johnson experiment comes to a merciful end

    Gus Johnson, the most criticized soccer commentator in the United States, has told Sports Illustrated that he has decided to step down as Fox's top commentator for the sport, citing his busy schedule covering basketball and American football and a desire to spend time with his new wife.

    From SI:

    Johnson told Sports Illustrated on Sunday that he called Fox Sports president Eric Shanks last week and explained that with a full schedule of college football and college basketball, he could not give soccer the attention it deserved and that viewers demanded of a lead broadcaster. Shanks agreed to pull Johnson off the assignment.
    "I think that it was a mutual decision, but maybe I was the guy who came to it first," Johnson said.

    Johnson was well known for his shouty style of broadcasting before Fox decided to try and fit his square peg into a round hole in an apparent effort to Americanize UEFA Champions League broadcasts and appeal to non-fans of the game. The hope was that he would lead

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  • Real Madrid president Florentino Perez just doesn't know when to stop, so he celebrating his club's long awaited 10th European Cup with significant turnover. Bringing in the likes of James Rodriguez and Toni Kroos while selling off Angel Di Maria and Xabi Alonso has shaken up the team and the early returns haven't been good.

    Two losses in their first three matches — the most recent being a second straight home loss to Atletico Madrid for the first time ever — have caused frustrations to start boiling over.

    Gareth Bale's refusal to stop and sign autographs for waiting fans as he left training on Monday prompted a couple of grown men to kick at his white Bentley. Because scoring important goals in both the Copa del Rey and Champions League finals apparently wasn't enough to earn their respect.

    Elsewhere, ultras hung banners on overpasses in the city calling for Perez to be ousted.

    Read More »from Fans kicking at Gareth Bale's car and other signs of discontent at Real Madrid
  • (Globo)(Globo)

    Despite all the talk of white elephants and misused government money, there is at least one good thing to come of the 2014 World Cup in Brazil.

    Though Japan didn't win a match in Brazil, its fans won the respect of the world by cleaning up their section of each stadium they attended after the games were over. And now fans of one Brazilian club have adopted the practice.

    Following a 2-0 win over Vitoria at the Arena da Baixada in Curitiba — one of the World Cup host venues built for the tournament — a large number of Atletico-PR supporters stayed to pick up trash in the stands. According to Globo, the club provided 20,000 trash bags, which the fans dutifully filled and piled up.

    Considering the scenes of horrific violence that took place in the stands during a match between Atletico-PR and Vasco da Gama last year, which resulted in a 12-match stadium ban for Atletico-PR, this is as surprising as it is admirable.

    The 1986 World Cup brought the wave to the attention of people all over

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  • Whenever a foreign player moves to the Premier League, there's always talk of how they will need time to get acclimated to the unmatched power and speed of it. As if nothing short of spending a year in a NASA space shuttle launch simulator could possibly prepare anyone for the unimaginable difference between the Premier League and anything else masquerading as professional football.

    Well, Diego Costa responds to this notion with a defiantly uncaring shrug. Since joining Chelsea from Atletico Madrid, he has scored seven goals in his first four Premier League matches — including a hat trick in Saturday's 4-2 win against Swansea. Obviously the transition has been about as taxing as putting on pants before having a pizza delivered.

    Of course, scoring goals for Chelsea hasn't been easy for every pricy striker of the Roman Abramovich era. Andriy Shevchenko and the recently shipped out Fernando Torres are the two examples that immediately come to mind, so Sky Sports put together a handy

    Read More »from Sky Sports tries to make Fernando Torres and Andriy Shevchenko feel bad
  • Jeremy Menez rounds Parma goalkeeper to score clever backheel

    Milan and Parma turned off defending and played a delightfully absurd match that produced a truly wonderful goal from Jeremy Menez. With Milan up 4-3 in the 78th minute, Menez, who had already scored from the penalty spot, ran down a ball near the endline at the edge of the six-yard box, passed it around the keeper to himself and as he ran across the face of goal, he backheeled it in.

    It was an excellent bit of creativity that reminds us why Menez was once compared to Zidane and it extended Milan's lead to two goals. A Mattia De Sciglio own goal from distance in the 89th minute gave Parma a bit of hope, but Milan held on for the full three points.

    Here's the own goal to illustrate just how nutty this game was...

    Read More »from Jeremy Menez rounds Parma goalkeeper to score clever backheel
  • President Obama fulfills World Cup beer bet with Belgium

    In the build-up to the World Cup round of 16 match between the U.S. and Belgium, Belgian Prime Minister Elio Di Rupo tweeted a friendly wager to President Obama, betting an unspecified amount of his nation's beer that they would win.

    Though Obama never responded to the wager (he does have roughly 46.4 million more followers on Twitter, after all), he has paid up.

    Despite an incredible performance from goalkeeper Tim Howard, the U.S. lost 2-1 in extra time nearly two months ago in Brazil and now the Belgian embassy in Washington D.C. has received a special delivery of American beer in the form of a case of Sam Adams Boston Lager and a Sam Adams seasonal variety pack. The shipment also included a handwritten note from Obama. And the embassy confirmed that the beer arrived safely by tweeting a picture of their

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  • Dallas' Blas Perez scores from crazy angle against Vancouver

    Dallas' Blas Perez scored what has to be the unintentional goal of the year on his way to a brace that delivered a 2-1 win over Vancouver. In the 20th minute, the Panama international was near the corner with a defender in front of him when he decided to launch a looping cross/shot into the box that curled over the goalkeeper and into the far side of the net.

    If he meant to score this goal, he is a wizard. If he didn't, he's an incredibly lucky wizard.

    Vancouver equalized in the 67th minute and Perez scored his second of the match in the 78th minute with a more conventional shot inside the box. Needless to say, Perez was named Man of the Match.

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    Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

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  • Frank Lampard's brief debut in a Man City shirt weirds everyone out

    Frank Lampard always said he would never play or another Premier League club after Chelsea. In his 13 years there, he became the club's all-time top scorer and lifted 13 trophies, including the European Cup. When his contract expired at the end of last season, he joined New York City FC — a new club that will not play their inaugural MLS season until 2015. So in the meantime, they loaned him to parent club Manchester City for six months. Though he toed the company line, this was a move that Lampard didn't seem terribly thrilled about given his previous statements.

    Lampard made his City debut against Arsenal, starting in place of Yaya Toure. This jarring vision prompted many to comment on the weirdness of seeing the 36-year-old midfielder in a different shade of blue. And judging by his lackluster performance, he seemed to feel like he was having a bad acid trip, as well.

     (Photo by Shaun Botterill/Getty Images) (Photo by Shaun Botterill/Getty Images)

    Lampard: John! Has Jose arrived yet?

    Kompany: For the last time, I'm not John Terry. My name is Vincent. I'm not

    Read More »from Frank Lampard's brief debut in a Man City shirt weirds everyone out
  • Danny Welbeck made his Arsenal debut against Manchester City after scoring both goals in England's 2-0 win over Switzerland earlier in the week and he very nearly kept the goal train rolling early on at the Emirates. Except he didn't.

    Arsenal came out looking like the stronger side and Welbeck had the chance to make it a dream start in the 12th minute when he chipped Joe Hart only for the ball to bounce off the far post and find it's way into the arms of the relieved keeper. Here's a brilliant illustration of it from Richard Swarbrick...

    (@RikkiLeaks)(@RikkiLeaks)

    Welbeck, who wasn't up to the standard required at Manchester United according to Louis van Gaal, instinctively reacted to his miss by putting his hands to his head as many of his new club's supporters did the same behind him (captured exquisitely in the picture above). It's always nice to see fans embrace new players with open arms. Even if they are slapped against their own heads in disbelief.

    (@ESPNFC)(@ESPNFC)

    Man City went on to get on the board first with a

    Read More »from Arsenal fans welcome Danny Welbeck by mimicking his reaction to hitting the post
  • Ronaldinho says he joined Queretaro for 'titles and girls'

    Ronaldinho was unveiled as a Queretaro player on Friday and though the move was a surprising one, his intentions are right in line with his reputation. The decorated party machine was very blunt about his aims at his first press conference.

    Said the two-time FIFA World Player of the Year (via Mundo Deportivo):

    "I've always lived in the same way and with every team I've been a champion. I hope to keep doing the same and continue winning titles and girls."

    At 34 years old, it seems Ronaldinho has decided to be upfront about the lifestyle that has prompted many clubs and critics to question his commitment to the game. But when there are pictures of you posing like this (NSFW) floating around, it's difficult to claim a monkish existence.

    It's difficult to say how much of an impact he will have in Liga MX, but thirty years from now Ronaldinho is going to be that old guy in the night club that everyone tries not to make eye contact with.

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    Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty

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  • Future News: Mario Balotelli to tutor children in Liverpool

    Liverpool striker Mario Balotelli has announced plans to start his own tutoring service for school children in the city. The 24-year-old Italian international says that he will do the tutoring for "Tutoring by Mario" himself in order to ensure that his "real world" lesson plan is properly executed.

    "Education is important," Balotelli told reporters while riding a jet ski in a standard sized bathtub. "Rich footballers like me need doctors to keep us healthy and bankers to watch our money, so Tutoring by Mario will prepare children who aren't good at football to do those jobs in the future."

    Since joining Liverpool in late August, Balotelli has demonstrated an admirable interest in promoting education. He recently posted a video message on his personal Instagram account in which he wished kids around world good luck as the new school year begins, telling them to "study hard and play harder." And Tutoring by Mario, which Balotelli will provide as a free service to the Merseyside

    Read More »from Future News: Mario Balotelli to tutor children in Liverpool
  • Artificial playing surfaces are usually nothing more than skin shredding torture devices universally cursed by those forced to use them, but thanks to new technology there is now one that has some redeeming value.

    Pele was on hand at a Rio de Janeiro favela to unveil the world's first pitch that harnesses the energy of the athletes playing on it to produce electricity.

    From the Telegraph:

    The so-called King of Football visited Morro da Mineira favela in the city to launch the revolutionary artificial field, which is installed with 200 kinetic tiles to capture the energy of players’ movement and generate power.
    Combined with energy from solar panels, the electricity produced by players can power the six LED floodlights so children from the neighbourhood can play safely into the evening.
    The new pitch, which was refurbished by Shell, uses technology developed by British company Pavegen.

    Should this technology be brought to the professional level, the energy exerted by Dimitar Berbatov

    Read More »from Pele unveils first artificial pitch that uses players' energy to generate electricty in Brazilian favela
  • Puebla defenders train in wolf masks to make them more aggressive

    Ronaldinho could make his Liga MX debut against Puebla on Friday and to prepare for this challenge, the Puebla defenders have been training in wolf masks. Yes, wolf masks.

    The idea came from eccentric Puebla manager Chelis, who recently returned to the club after a four year absence that included a stint in MLS with Chivas USA. It was intended to instill in the players that they need to fight for the ball like a pack of wolves. He credits Atletico Madrid manager Diego Simeone for the original idea, but the masks were a Chelis touch.

    "It's sending the message with an anchor, the anchor is the mask," Chelis told the club's website. "To understand that every time you go to play a ball and anchors you in the idea, remember you're a dog, I have to go for it, fight it, steal it and defend it."

    You can see the wolf dogs in action about 1:50 into the video below...

    We can only hope that animal masks as a training tool catch on around the world. Wayne Rooney running around in a panda mask is

    Read More »from Puebla defenders train in wolf masks to make them more aggressive
  • Celebrating a goal scored by your favorite team is supposed to be a joyous moment. It is not supposed to involve smashing your face into a metal railing. But for one Sao Paulo fan, it sadly involved more railing than joy.

    While celebrating one of the two goals Souza scored in a four-minute span to help Sao Paulo to a 4-2 win, the barrier in front of a few fans gave way under the pressure of people pushing forward and one man leaning against it fell face first into a metal railing.

    After receiving assistance from medical staff dressed as miners, the man was able to walk away under his own power.

    It should be noted that this occurred at the Estadio Nacional Mane Garrincha, which was rebuilt ahead of the World Cup. Thankfully, this faulty construction didn't result in anything worse than it did.

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    Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

    Read More »from Sao Paulo fan celebrates goal by having his face smashed into a railing
  • Napoli's new denim kit is an abomination

    First Napoli wore a camouflage kit and it split opinion, but attracted plenty of attention. Then they made it worse by adding a bunch of yellow and called it "Xtreme." Now they've gone full USA '94 and then some by coming out with a denim kit. Not just a denim style shirt like the U.S. team wore at the 1994 World Cup — shorts too. Jorts, basically. They're calling it "Perfect Denim." It should be called "Insanely Denim."

    As you can see, the players modeling it at the unveiling totally did not want to set themselves on fire...

    Napoli's head of operations, Alessandro Formisano, said that the kit is "a versatile piece of clothing that can be used in work and in sports." But if you wear this to work, you will almost certainly be fired on the spot for being on all of the drugs in existence.

    "We were inspired by jeans," he continued, as if that wasn't abundantly obvious. The new kit will make its debut on the pitch against Chievo this Sunday.

    (SSC Napoli)(SSC Napoli)

    Though the old U.S. shirt is an obvious

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  • Sometimes a quote comes along that's so wonderful it doesn't matter if the person it's attributed to actually said it. This is one of those quotes.

    According to El Confidential, Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho recently said the following about his former Clasico rival Pep Guardiola:

    "When you enjoy what you do, you don't lose your hair, and Guardiola is bald. He doesn't enjoy football."

    That might be the most Jose Mourinho line ever, even if he didn't actually say it. But there is reason to believe that he did...besides hilarity. 

    The two longtime bitter enemies were both in attendance for the UEFA Elite Club Coaches Forum last week and they reportedly bickered about grass length. Yes. GRASS LENGTH.

    From the Express:

    According to TZ, Guardiola argued that the rules would make the game faster and therefore more beautiful.
    Mourinho is said to have responded: "Everyone has his style of play, which should be respected. Football can be spectacular in several ways."
    Guardiola reportedly hit
    Read More »from Jose Mourinho reportedly claims that Pep Guardiola is bald because he doesn't enjoy football
  • A couple in southern Argentina have been given special permission to circumvent the country's strict baby naming laws and register their son as Messi Daniel Varela. Though many Argentine children have been named Lionel after the four-time Ballon d'Or winner, this is the first that a baby has been allowed to have the national team captain's surname as its first name. And now the director of the civil register in Lionel Messi's home province fears that a legal precedent has been set that could lead to a whole lot of Messis.

    In Argentina the civil registry maintains a list of only a few hundred names and approved spellings that parents can use for their children. According to the AP, "names will be unacceptable if they are extravagant, ridiculous, contrary to Argentine customs or ideology or could cause confusion about a person's sex." Surnames as first names are not permitted ("Evita" is also specifically banned), but the Varelas somehow got the necessary permission to name their son

    Read More »from Argentine parents get special permission to name their son 'Messi,' deluge of Messis feared