Puck Daddy Power Rankings: Kane investigation; even less fighting; Gibson's future

[Author's note: Power rankings are usually three things: Bad, wrong, and boring. You typically know just as well as the authors which teams won what games against who and what it all means, so our moving the Red Wings up four spots or whatever really doesn't tell you anything you didn't know. Who's hot, who's not, who cares? For this reason, we're doing a power ranking of things that are usually not teams. You'll see what I mean.]

9. Appreciating the question

Last week's press conference for poor Patrick Kane — who's ooooooonly accused of a violent sex crime, after all — was some kind of circus. A lose-lose-lose-lose-lose scenario is rare in this world, but Kane lost, Chicago executives lost, his team lost, fans lost, and sanity lost, all within, what, half an hour?

The question of whether Kane actually did this horrible thing is, frankly, immaterial here. He shouldn't be at camp because if this were like the time Kane maybe-beat up a cabbie for a pair of dimes — remember, he pleaded down to charges of noncriminal disorderly conduct — and no charges had been filed yet in that case, the “This is a distraction!” clarion would be sounded far and wide.

Let's put it this way: If the average hockey fan who thinks Kane should be at camp — he shouldn't! — were to go to the Wikipedia page for any NBA star whose “Personal life” section on Wikipedia included subheadings for “Assault and theft charges,” and “Rape investigation,” they'd be using the word “thug” faster than you can say “dogwhistle racism.”

Like, okay, you're gonna get up there and (mis)read a prepared statement. You were going to have to face the music at some point, and this, to some extent, qualified in the minds of some particularly daft people. But to take questions? And then effectively no-comment every single one?

What did they think, some writer was going to get up there and ask, “Hey Pat, quick question here, how do you feel about playing with another new center this season and also this question has nothing to do with the abominable thing of which you stand accused? Thanks.” The reporters in attendance did a mostly good job with grilling Kane — though how the word “rape” isn't actually said once at the presser is baffling; maybe make the gravity of that ugly, ugly word stick in their guts a little more next time — but this was a joke and it was always going to be a joke.

The cretins who cheered him at camp and who cheered him last night in his first exhibition are the scum of the earth. No two ways about that. It is literally possible to separate the feelings of liking Kane as a player and Chicago as a team, and still feeling very uneasy about these charges and what the hockey world's collective shrug regarding them means about sports culture. (Although one could say that convicted rapist Mike Tyson having a cartoon where he solves mysteries was evidence enough that the sports world and society at large really doesn't give a rat's ass about sex crime victims to begin with.) Not that you'd know it from the reaction; if you say the presser was gross — and it was — that means you think Kane is guilty.

The only thing he's guilty of as far as I know is being repugnant about this. But there's plenty of that to go around these days.

8. Not being tone-deaf

As for the team's contention that this who fiasco wasn't tone deaf, well, that's not something you get to say if you are the one accused of being tone-deaf. It's just like saying, “Hey, don't call me an idiot. I'm not an idiot.” You have to be able to actually disprove it, rather than just refute it.

At no point in this entire process has the team or league made any headway toward proving they are not tone-deaf idiots on this subject. And also plenty of media members.

It's very difficult to understand how women put up with this.

7. Starting out so heavy

Sorry.

6. John Tortorella getting another coaching job

Guess the U.S. team doesn't want to win the World Cup that badly. The fact that he's getting prank calls about this is probably the only positive here, sizzle chest.

5. Tweeting about training camp

Now this is the good content we all want this preseason. I need to know the line combos for guys who will be sent to the AHL before the week is over. Did a kid going back to junior get stopped by a goalie on a PTO in a shootout drill? That's the important info. That's the stuff that's great for your online brand.

[Yahoo Fantasy Hockey: Sign up for a league today]

4. Getting it half right

“Paul Bissonnette weighs in on possession stats.” Oh, now there's a headline that screams for a nice click. Can't wait to read what this guy has to say on any subject that doesn't have to do with being EXXXXXXTREME, let alone one he likely understands very little.

But then if you read what he actually says, he's not entirely wrong. Which is a surprise. Some pertinent quotes here:

Know who else does? Good teams. Los Angeles, Chicago, Pittsburgh, Washington, etc. all buy into this stuff. With actual “money and influence.” I think most people would be surprised, though, what “boatloads” is in actual dollars of what analytics people are getting paid versus what their analysis saves teams on an annual basis.

Yeah, no one who knows anything thinks this is the point of utilizing this data, even if it's a canard that gets trotted out often. No one believes Tyler Johnson is better at hockey than Sidney Crosby either, but his points per 60 were better last year. This data is supposed to help you find the next Tyler Johnson or other undervalued players who can make a difference for your team and maybe earn you an extra win or three over the course of 82 games.

This is actually a very good argument. Or rather, it was one in like 2009. Yes, possession numbers in and of themselves may not reveal much about an individual player. But that's why we have zone start data, quality-of-competition and -teammate measures, WOWYs, and other things that help us to separate out the noise from any one number.

Well first of all, those numbers would absolutely be used in drafting if they were widely available. I had teams contacting me last season for possession numbers for highly valued college players. And it's not as though those teams didn't have scouts at almost every college game I went to last season. Hockey data analysis is intended to be married to actual game-watching skill honed by scouts over years or decades. Scouts are still given to evaluation mistakes, just like improper application of this data is, but if you use the two together, you're going to increase the rate at which you succeed in drafting or signing guys. Pretty simple.

I am not kidding you. And the amazing thing is that this never happened in the time before the Advanced Stats Revolution hit this league. Never in NHL history prior to 2013 did a guy coming off one good year from playing with a world-class linemate ever get more money than he deserved. Ask Tyler Bozak and David Clarkson, whose old GM was the biggest advanced-stats believer of all time!

And the irony of all this is, of course, that if you were to look solely at the advanced numbers on Paul Bissonnette, you'd think there'd be a number of teams trying to sign him for his fourth-line services:

And yet, Bissonnette going to be lucky to make an AHL roster this season, after going 1-6-7 in 56 AHL games last season. Even as an advanced stats guy, I would look at these numbers and try finding someone who can actually play the game for a roster spot instead.

But hey, he got what he wanted: We're all talking about Paul Bissonnette, the bad AHL player, once again. Hooray.

Speaking of which...

3. Even less fighting

Here's Ken Holland: "One-dimensional players are almost extinct. The game is faster than ever. Teams that used to want a physical and intimidation factor on the fourth line now are more interested in having four lines that can contribute offensively and play with discipline to stay out of the penalty box."

And here's Joel Quenneville: “[Having a scoring fourth line] makes our team probably different than other teams when you have that type of a group that can play against top lines and top teams. They can score, they can hold their own, sometimes influence a game. It's almost like they're probably not a fourth line."

And then, sadly, here's Tanner Glass: “I think there's still a spot for that, and there always will be a spot for that. I know it won't be as prominent as it is and as it has been, but I think if you talk to guys around the league, no one wants a league with no toughness and no accountability. Guys kind of play a different way when there's no accountability.”

Hmm, who among these people do we believe about the thing that teams aren't doing any more because it's an inefficient waste of a roster spot? The ones with the Stanley Cups, or the guy whose job is wholly dependent upon teams buying into the fiction of enforcers? Tough call here, that's for sure.

One wonders at what point we stop getting these trend pieces, and just don't have time for goobers like Glass to spout self-lionizing pablum about “keeping the other team honest” and so on. Like, this is the same stuff we get with creationism. Sorry, “intelligent design.” Teach the controversy, etc. because maybe fighting works despite some statistical evidence that it does not, and maybe it's worth all these enforcers killing themselves (accidentally or on purpose) too young. What's that? Another enforcer suicide happened this week? I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

You have to assume that the Venn diagram of “bemoans decline of the enforcer,” and “believes Patrick Kane is a good person” is a single circle. So of course, “irresponsible” and “morally repugnant” are just two great ways to describe the average person who likes fighting anyway, given what we know now that “Death Of The Enforcer” is no longer just a way to talk about this issue, and an actual ongoing concern the hockey community has to face head-on.

2. John Gibson's chances of landing a job

That three-year deal for John Gibson doesn't make a whole hell of a lot of sense, especially at that dollar value.

He's been a solid pro in his first two seasons, for sure, and the ceiling is clearly quite high. But if you're bidding against yourself, don't you want to see more than 30 games (albeit of .919 hockey) at the NHL level before you cut a big check, which, granted, starts after a third year of what's probably going to be slightly better hockey than that?

But that's especially true if you have Frederik Andersen, who's fine I guess, and Anton Khudobin, who's better than fine. Andersen is an RFA at the end of this season. Khudobin probably goes around looking for another job despite currently being a .919 (hey!) career goalie in 91 games.

Not that the Ducks didn't have to re-sign Gibson, and not that he might end up saving them some money at the end of this deal, but honestly if the team is smart they keep Khudobin and jettison Andersen, and go 1a/1b for a year or two with Gibson to ease him into the league. That has a high likelihood of working out while Ryan Getzlaf and Corey Perry still operate at what's probably going to be a high level over the next three seasons.

1. Hockey's back

Summer is officially over and I'm very happy about that. I watched exhibition games on both Sunday and Monday this week. They were awful.

And so, so wonderful.

(Not ranked this week: P.K. Subban only being kind of beloved.

Last week P.K. Subban gave $10 million to Montreal Children's Hospital. He also made a concerted effort to learn how to speak French so he could tell Quebec residents in their own language how much Montreal and its community means to him. He also stayed for hours after the press conference to meet with patients and hospital staff, away from the cameras.

And also: Look what he's inspiring.

Anyone who has a bad word to say about PK Subban after this really needs to get their priorities in order.)

Ryan Lambert is a Puck Daddy columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here.

(All statistics via War On Ice unless otherwise noted.)

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