Would you pay $30 million for four years of Shane Doan? Report: someone would

With Zach Parise and Ryan Suter gone, and because someone is spreading a rumour that Alexander Semin has a highly communicable form of super-leprosy, Shane Doan has become the most coveted free agent on the market.

And, while the Coyotes' winger has made his preference for staying in Phoenix perfectly clear, with the franchise continuing to fight for their very existence like Marty McFly, the mess in Arizona could eventually prompt Doan to head elsewhere.

Now, if it's stability Doan is craving, he might want to avoid the team whose GM had a full-blown mental breakdown recently and submitted the offer Phoenix radio talk show host John Gambadoro alleges is on the table:

Let's suppose that some Eastern Conference GM really did down a tall glass of ayahuasca tea and submit this offer. This is insanity.

Doan had 22 goals and 50 points last year, playing first line minutes on the Coyotes. His numbers were fairly similar to what he put up in the two years prior as well, so it's a safe bet that that's the production you'll get out of Doan going forward.

So what kind of crazy do you have to be to make Doan one of the 10 highest-paid players in the league in terms of cap hit for that kind of production?

On top of that, we're only talking about Doan's production right now. He's 35 years old, and three years removed from two consecutive seasons as a 70-point guy, so he's already taken a step back. At his age, who's to say he doesn't take another?

So basically, you'd be paying $7.5 million a year for a guy that's not worth $7.5 million now -- I'd argue he's not even worth $5 million -- and the most you can hope for is that he doesn't regress. For four years.

Furthermore, if he does, under the terms of the current CBA, there's no way to wipe this patently stupid contract from the books because he'll have signed it after his 35th birthday.

Now, I guess, considering there are GMs out there trying to trade for Tim Thomas's contract (now without all that Tim Thomas!), this offer might be about getting to the cap floor. Is it possible that, say, Garth Snow or Dale Tallon's plan for reaching the minimum team salary is really to throw this kind of money at Doan?

Or maybe the Hurricanes, Senators or Jets, all of whom have over $20 million in cap space remaining, are really this serious about beefing up their forward corps? Could Doan be tempted to leave the old Jets for the new Jets, effectively the hockey version of what happens to Jimmy Stewart in "Vertigo"?

Perhaps it's wacky old Paul Holmgren? Let's check in with Travis Hughes of Broad Street Hockey:

I wish I could, buddy. I wish I could.