Jesus Christ and the Boston Bruins, now in tattoo form (Photo)

Jesus saves. Also he plays for the Boston Bruins. As our Harrison Mooney opined: "Just more competition for poor Malcolm Subban ..."

Did the Bruins equipment manager have to fashion skates out of sandals? We suppose Jesus turned the TD Garden ice into wine after Game 6, to help the B's forget those 17 seconds. We also look forward to him laying hands on Gregory Campbell's leg to get him ready for camp.

But seriously: Alternate captain? Does that even work within the biblical context of the Holy Trinity? Are God, His Son and the Holy Spirit all alternates? Or does the Big Guy wear the 'C'?

All we know is that a Miro Satan comeback with the Bruins really, really, really isn't going to happen. And that we look forward to our first 'CHRIST 1' Jersey Foul. (Or, knowing hockey fans, 'JESUS 69'.)

[The Nosebleeds]

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