Last week, we looked at some of the best and worst hockey toys of all-time. The video game category was mostly “the best,” spanning from the Nintendo “Ice Hockey” through the EA Sports’ classics of the last 22 years.
But this got us thinking: What was the worst hockey video game of all-time?
COED.com submitted that it’s anything with ESPN in the title and/or 2K Sports’ ‘NHL 2K10,’ which basically killed the series. Sports Grid listed “Mutant Hockey League,” which is such a misguided opinion that we want to purchase a GPS so it can find its way back to sensibility.
But then we stumbled upon this video from Cinenamassacre, from its series mocking bad video game cover art.
Submitted for your disapproval: “Street Hockey ’95,” as the worst hockey video game of all-time.
The game was developed by GTE Interactive Media, which was a subsidiary of GTE, a telecommunications company that merged with Bell Atlantic in 2000. It mostly developed PC games, but created a few titles for platforms. (One that was developed but never released: “M.C. Hammer's Soulfire,” much to our chagrin.)
Here’s some actual game play and title screens from the game:
As A&C Games wrote: “We forced ourselves to play this game so we can show you guys how bad it is. Probably one of the worst sports games ever made. Hard to control, bad concept, cheesy characters, and more.”
The side-scrolling is reminiscent of “Blades of Steel.” It has random “trash talk” throughout – doesn’t get more 1995 than “WHAT’S UP WIT DAT?!” The nets look cool, we guess. The music sounds like something from a 1980s "Escape From New York" ripoff that went straight to VHS. Most of the characters look like they just got done playing paintball. Also, there seems to be more gender equity here than there is in the hockey world circa 2015, which is weird.
But that game play .. oof. It’s like if you took “NBA Jam,” sucked all the fun out of it and then injected it with a mixture of hockey DNA, Mountain Dew and Vin Diesel’s spinal cord fluid.
Now, granted, not everyone loathes the game. It has a 7.2 rating on IGN based on a whole three reviews. And according to Wikipedia:
GamePro praised the game's variety of options and trash talking voices, but criticized the music and the controls, elaborating that "Jerky player movements and slow reactions to the button presses can be frustrating and might cause you to spend too much time on defense." They nonetheless concluded the game to be "a decent walk on hockey's wild side."
Because sometimes you can judge a book by its cover, we nominate “Street Hockey ‘95” as the worst hockey video game of all-time. Unless you have a better suggestion in the comments.
Greg Wyshynski is a writer for Yahoo Sports. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org or find him on Twitter. His book, TAKE YOUR EYE OFF THE PUCK, is available on Amazon and wherever books are sold.