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Shutdown Corner

What do the replacement refs do for their ‘real’ jobs?

Shutdown Corner

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The replacement refs have screwed up a lot of the NFL's short season, and deserve blame for plenty of problems on the field. Our friends at USA Today tracked down their day jobs. Now we know what we can blame them for off the field, too.

-- Lance Easley, the guy who signaled the touchdown right away during Monday night's Seattle Seahawks "win" over the Green Bay Packers, is a vice president at Bank of America. When there's a long line at the ATM or you're on hold for 20 minutes, you know who to blame.

-- The delightfully named Don King is a bankruptcy lawyer, which makes one wonder if there's any possible way he could make more dough in the NFL than by representing people who have gone under in the current economy.

-- The equally delightfully named Perry Hudspeth is the president of Anchor Financial Group, which makes us wonder if he's ever had dealings with Don King before.

-- Aaron Schrein is a high school teacher. Your child has too much homework? Has been sitting in detention for hours? Perhaps you aren't pleased with the selection of cookies at parent-teacher night. It's Schrein's fault.

-- Thurman Hardison is the Parks and Recreation director for New Bern, N.C. He's not Ron Swanson, and he is a scab ref. You can blame everything on him.

-- Henry Zaborniak is an assistant commissioner for the Ohio High School Athletic Commission. Obviously, he's the son of Dorothy and you can blame him for eating all of the cheesecake. Blanche is still mad about it.

-- Donovan Briggins is a real estate agent. The housing bubble bust is completely and 100 percent his fault.

-- Tom Falcinelli is a former attorney and policeman, which means that he's used to directing traffic and then arguing that he was not actually responsible for directing traffic.

-- Jim Core, whom we've discussed before, is the activities director at Sawtooth Middle School in Meridian, Idaho. He's also officiated in the Frontier Conference. As we all know, there's nothing that trains you for the speed of the NFL experience like a rousing game between Dickinson State University and Montana Tech.

-- Randy Weissenhofer is a State Farm agent, though we expect that he wasn't doing the Discount Double-Check after that Packers-Seahawks debacle.

-- Bill Theodore has -- among other gigs -- a job as a youth referee in Forth Worth, Texas. This will be an important qualification if a head coach pulls on his sleeve after a game, though Theodore might accidentally think it's for permission to use the bathroom.

-- Mike Wilmoth is a social studies teacher at the high school level, which means that he can tell kids about the history of labor relations.

-- Wayne Bernier is a senior Client Development manager at Aon eSolutions, which claims to provide "cloud-based and on-premises business solutions designed and built for the specific security, performance and compliance needs of the risk, insurance and safety management community." Maybe he should advise Roger Goodell and the NFL about safety issues ... such as the player safety that is jeopardized every time Bernier and his cohorts take the field. Also, Bernier probably fills out his TPS reports first after every game.

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