Dos (only one) and don'ts (more than a lot) of the Masters

AUGUSTA, Ga. — So you scored a ticket to the Masters (which, if you bought one on the secondary market, ran you about $2,400 … a day) and when you show up the first thing you notice isn't Magnolia Lane (you're not allowed to drive there), nor the azaleas (you'll get there) nor Jim Nantz greeting you with a warm, "Hello, friend."

Nope, it's the sign listing the rules, positioned right there in the parking lot, and for good reason. It'll save you time going back to your car to drop off a few things.

For the uninitiated, here are the basic dos (there's only one) and don'ts of Augusta National:

• No cell phones

This might as well be Rule 1 through 26. Get caught with a cell phone, you're out … even if it's turned off in your pocket.

• No device capable of transmitting video

ie. Cell phones. See, Rule 1-26.

• No large backpacks

There's not much need to bring a lot onto the grounds. Sandwiches are $1.50, even beers are only $4 – $5 for premium.

• No cameras

ie. Cell phones.

• No weapons of any kind

Precedent (being Nov. 27, 2009) tells us a golf club can be used as a weapon, right?

• No folding arm chairs

See, you're allowed to bring in a folding chair, just no folding chairs with arms. Got that?

• No flags, banners, signs

You could try air advertising, but ...

• No food/beverages/coolers

For the price of a Dodger Dog you can buy a Masters Club sandwich and a beer, so this one doesn't sting much.

• No ladders, periscopes, selfie sticks

You can't bring in a cell phone, so what do they suppose you would do with a selfie stick anyway?

As for the dos, there's really only one: Buy Masters gear. Seriously, the line to get into the merch tent is longer than a TSA line on Christmas Eve.