The Last Saskatchewan Pirates

The news of the Saskatchewan Roughriders making a big free-agent splash by bringing back Weston Dressler prompted this, appropriate given the success the team's had recently on and off the field and the way they've consistently been able to attract top talent. Apologies to The Arrogant Worms.

Well, the Riders had their farmers, but they were making just dimes
They had community telethons to help the bottom line
But times went by, the team got good, and the money was there
So they outspent the other teams, proclaiming "fair is fair"

But when the NFL came calling, they were sometimes told "No"
"200K?" players would laugh, "It's $420 if we go!"
Sheets and Dressler headed south, in search of princely sums
And some with Rider Pride did say "Good riddance to the bums!"

Then, they saw transaction wires, Weston, he was gone
So, enter the pirates from the River Saskatchewan!

And it's a heave-ho, hi-ho, coming down the plains
Signing Weston Dressler, giving Ottawa pains
And it's a ho-hey, hi-hey, Redblacks bar your doors
When you see the green-and-white flag on Regina's mighty shores

Well, you'd think the other teams would know they're roaming free
But just the other day, they spoiled B.C.'s guarantee
They snuck up on the Lions, they were none the wiser
They ran the ball right down their throat, made Skulsky into a miser

Labour Day approaches, and the Riders will giv'r
With Dressler back, the Bombers' D may wind up in a quiver
He can run the posts and slants, he's hard to keep at bay
They'll have to watch out for him if he's able to play

And it's a heave-ho, hi-ho, coming down the plains
Signing Weston Dressler, giving Winnipeg pains
And it's a ho-hey, hi-hey, Bombers bar your doors
When you see the green-and-white flag on Regina's mighty shores

Brendan Taman used to vex them, he was always at their throat
He used to lead the Bombers, giving Winnipeg hope
But the issues there were frequent, and Taman lost his job
So now he runs the Riders, and the other teams he robs

A swinging pen! A new contract! That's just where it's at!
The merchandise will support it, and screw the salary cap! (Screw it!)
Training camp in Saskatoon? A way to build that brand!
Giving them more money to bring in some good hands

And it's a heave-ho, hi-ho, coming down the plains
Signing Weston Dressler, giving the West teams pains
And it's a ho-hey, hi-hey, opponents bar your doors
When you see the green-and-white flag on Regina's mighty shores

Well, the Rider life's appealing, but you don't just find it here
From Florida to Las Vegas, you see people in their gear
They roam the continent's cities, they take over the sports bars
And Saskatchewan's front office gets to add more stars

Now Dressler is a-coming, and a chill is in the breeze
The CFL's reigning champs just pulled this off with ease
Watch for them in November, they look headed to the top
If this latest signing doesn't prove to be a flop

And it's a heave-ho, hi-ho, coming down the plains
Signing Weston Dressler, giving the CFL pains
And it's a ho-hey, hi-hey, GMs bar your doors
When you see the green-and-white flag on Regina's mighty shores