Written by Harrison Mooney and Greg Wyshynski/Puck Daddy
[INT -- Secret Meeting Room, Somewhere in North America]
One by one they entered the darkly lit room, candlelight illuminating their scarred and broken faces. An air of disappointment gave way to acknowledgment, which gave way to unfettered anger at their lots in life.
“ARRRRRRGH!” growled captain Joe Thornton, sharks teeth adorning his chest. “’Tis a travesty those scalawags couldn’t see the Olympic talent gathered here in this room.”
“I won the Cup of Ages, and they left me home in favor of a Coyote!” lamented The Crow.
"They claimed I spent too many moons seafaring!" said Daniel Boyle.
“Я Misss мой друг Александр (I miss my friend Alexander),” said Sasha The Red.
"Chris Kunitz. Seriously? Chris Kunitz?" pondered JamesBeard.
"Perchance they were afeared that I'd score four versus Austria, and unleash my rooster," Thornton murmured. “BUT HERE’S WHAT WE DO! I says we band together, the men left behind, the heroes without a home. I says we go to that god-forsaken frozen land..."
(Sergei Gonchar picks his teeth with a sword. Sasha The Red looks at his laces like he was trying to locate an Eric Staal pass.)
Thornton continued: “... And we steal those bastards’ gold right from under their Lilli-livers! What say ye, boys? What say ye to becoming Snubland?"
"No," said Robert Ryan.
All eyes turned on him. Was this a power play? Since when is he around for those?
"Not Snubland. The Sovereign Nation of Unpicked Brethren. S.N.U.B."
Thornton nodded, as all gathered knew of Ryan's incredible gift for acronyms and spelling. Captain Jumbo bellowed:
“WHAT SAY YE, YE S.O.B.'s, TO BECOMING S.N.U.B.’s?”
One by one, the men threw their sticks on the table in solidarity, save for Victor Hedman, who speared Sean Bergenheim in the stomach before tossing his into the pile.
They were no longer outcasts. They were legion. And they were going to Sochi to pillage the gold they felt had been stolen from them.
Here now are the men of S.N.U.B. Tremble at their mere mention ...
Read More »from All-Snub Team: Could an international squad of Olympic outcasts win gold?