Undeterred after a trial at Chelsea came to nothing earlier this year, David Beckham's oldest son Brooklyn has been training with another London club, QPR. A flurry of initial reports claimed that 14-year-old Brooklyn had signed with QPR, but the club clarified that he is not (yet) a member of their academy via Twitter.

Contrary to reports, Brooklyn Beckham has been training at #QPR but has not joined our academy.

— QPR FC (@OfficialQPR) May 21, 2013

Brooklyn's father, who signed with Manchester United at the age of 14 (fantastic picture here), played his final match last weekend. So in a way, it would be fitting that the first of David Beckham's sons begins his career days after he ended his and at the same age as he started.

According to Reuters, bookmakers have the odds of Brooklyn playing for England like his father did (a record 115 times) at 12-1 and the odds of him one day playing in the Premier League at 9-2. He definitely won't be doing that with relegated QPR next season, though.

Here's video of Brooklyn showing PSG defender Thiago Silva his skills while goofing around with his brothers at a PSG training session last month...

A disgruntled fan of Argentine Primera Division side Argentinos Juniors decided to express their frustration with the club by throwing false teeth on pitch during their 3-1 loss to Belgrano on Monday. Currently at the very bottom of the league table, Argentinos Juniors surrounded the third goal in the 60th minute, prompting debris to rain down on the pitch from the stands. Among the paper and other junk on the pitch near Argentinos Juniors' bench sat the dentures. Like Santa Claus at a deviant sex party.

The home fans continued to yell out in anger as the camera searched the crowd for someone missing a set of teeth, but, like the person who smeared poo in Crystal Palace's dressing room last week, the denture thrower remains a mystery.

After years of very publicly planning and searching for a suitable ownership group to front a second MLS team in New York, the league has found it in a partnership between Manchester City owner Sheikh Mansour of Abu Dhabi and the New York Yankees. The new team will be called New York City FC and will begin play in 2015 as the league's 20th club. It also marks the resolution of a very public spat between MLS commissioner Don Garber and Yankees president Randy Levine.

According to Reuters, Sheikh Mansour, who has pumped hundreds of millions of pounds into Premier League club Man City since buying it in 2008, will be the "majority partner" in NYCFC while the Yankees will be an "active member of the ownership group." The new MLS club required a record $100 million franchise fee.

The Yankees' involvement is a bit surprising after Garber and Levine traded verbal barbs in 2009. While speaking to the Associated Press Sports Editors, Garber made mention of empty seats in the new Yankee Stadium and the Mets' Citi Field. Levine shot back by saying, "Don Garber discussing Yankee attendance must be a joke. We draw more people in a year than his entire league does in a year. If he ever gets Major League Soccer into the same time zone as the Yankees, we might take him seriously. Hey Don, worry about Beckham, not the Yankees. Even he wants out of your league." And now they're partners on an MLS club.

MLS's other New York club is owned by Austrian energy drink company Red Bull and play in a specially built three-year-old stadium in Harrison, NJ. The league has openly stated that they want to create a local rivalry for the New York Red Bulls with a new club based in one of New York City's five boroughs. Though that is still the plan, the club has been created before a proper home has been found.

From MLSsoccer.com:

In order to begin play in 2015, NYCFC will arrange for an interim venue but will also seek a permanent home in New York. The club says it will continue the discussions already under way with the City of New York, local residents, community and business leaders, and soccer leagues about a possible new stadium in Flushing Meadows Corona Park (FMCP) in Queens, while also continuing to look at other potential sites.

“New York City FC will have a permanent home in the City in the great traditions of New York sports and world soccer -- a home that must be a sports, commercial and civic success,” Soriano said. “But in considering any stadium site, we will listen first. This is what we have always done in Manchester and what we will do in New York. Only in this way, can the Club truly represent the City whose name it will carry.”

Levine said that "Yankee Stadium is a potential place to play" during the search for a permanent home for NYCFC, but the logistics of converting the field with both teams in season at the same time seem like they would be a headache for both the Yankees and MLS. Here's a time lapse video of that lengthy conversion process:

The reborn New York Cosmos, who begin play in the second-division NASL later this year, were thought to be favorites to become MLS's second New York club for a while now. But when the combination of the Yankees' name and Man City's endless money came along, it blew the Cosmos out of the water.

There has been talk that Man City would use an MLS club as something of a feeder team for their Premier League squad — sending young players and older cast-offs to America to develop and/or wallow until Man City decide what to do with them. Whether this type of set-up and relationship with a Premier League club is good for MLS remains to be seen, but the league's reputation as a developer of talent that can transition to the best leagues in the world has grown in recent years. But Man City have the resources to make NYCFC the biggest club in MLS (within its tight salary cap constraints, of course) and they say they plan on doing just that.

From MLSSoccer.com:

"Our first idea and our first objective is to bring to New York the best football club that we're able to produce," said Manchester City CEO Ferran Soriano. "And that means using all our expertise, our scouting network all over the world and also our players."

Soriano said that the club will bring to bear all its resources to ensure the club is successful.

"Obviously we're going to make extensive use of our resources and knowledge, not only in Manchester but globally," Soriano said. "The teams are going to have synergies all over, from the sports point of view and commercial point of view. We're lucky the name is very similar and the teams might look similar, but this is something we'll be working on in the coming months."

You can already find NYCFC on Twitter and the club also has a website that features that same design and light-blue color as Man City's official website.

Surely by no coincidence, Man City are currently in New York, where they will a postseason friendly against Chelsea on Saturday at Yankee Stadium, of course.

More soccer coverage on Yahoo! Sports:
• David Beckham’s son Brooklyn training with QPR academy
• Why the next EPL season will be much better than this one
• Jose Mourinho tasked with reviving Chelsea again

Brighton & Hove Albion have apologized to rivals Crystal Palace for the excrement that was smeared in the visitors' dressing room before the second leg of their Championship playoff semifinal. Despite the welcoming gift left by a mystery poo smearer, Crystal Palace went on to win the match 2-0 to advance to next week's final against Watford.

From the Guardian:

An angry Ian Holloway told his opposite number Gus Poyet what Palace had found as they shook hands on the touchline after the teams had emerged from the tunnel.

Poyet was apparently so disgusted to learn of the incident that he sent an email to staff demanding that the culprit be found and sacked. He and his coaching team have since been suspended by the club, apparently partly because the hierarchy were annoyed by aspects of Poyet's emailed complaint. It is not suggested that any of the trio were involved in the dressing-room incident.

Brighton, who have confirmed no players were involved, insist security will be tightened at the Amex.

According to The Sun, Poyet's email read:

“When Crystal Palace players and staff arrived to the Amex and went into their dressing room, they found themselves in a very uncomfortable situation.

“For some reason, someone had access to the away dressing room and done something terrible, trying to upset everyone related to Palace. To say it in clear English, someone had a ‘poo’ all outside the toilets, over and around the toilets.

“I am angry that someone within this club could endanger our good reputation and stoop so low. I would like someone to accept responsibility and resign.”

But since the mystery of the poop smeared in the visitors' dressing room wasn't enough to hold Poyet's focus, he also decided to criticize Brighton's marketing team for handing out 28,000 paper clappers to fans in the stadium. “Would someone like to admit it was their idea to hand out stupid pieces of noise-making paper?" he wrote, adding: "Whoever you are, you let the club down very badly."

So, just to be clear, smearing feces in an opponent's dressing room is only slightly worse than 28,000 paper clappers.

In an email to Brighton's season ticket holders, the club's chief executive Paul Barber confirmed that "We apologised to Crystal Palace as soon as the vandalism in their dressing room was discovered, and again more formally a few days after the match. As a result of what happened, please rest assured we have reviewed our internal procedures to guard against this ever happening again."

It's unclear what they plan to do to guard against it, though. Walls resistent to fecal matter? Cops in riot gear stationed near the dressing room toilets? A strictly enforced no No. 2 policy within the stadium?

The local police, meanwhile, are investigating the incident.

While retiring defender Paulo Ferreira spoke to the Stamford Bridge crowd after Chelsea's final match of the season, backup goalkeeper Ross Turnbull's two-year-old son Josh became one of the highlights of the year. Wearing his full kit, Josh dribbled a ball towards goal all by himself. He stumbled on top of the ball at one point, but continued on as the crowd urged him to shoot. When the ball finally passed the goal line, a cheer erupted and after a brief hesitation, Josh turned back toward the players and their families in the center of the pitch and raised his arms in triumph.

The moment was reminiscent of Chelsea defender Branislav Ivanovic's young son Stefan scoring a similar goal at the end of the season two years ago...

Then there was also the Chelsea mascot who pulled a prank on Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard before a match several years before that...

Finally, there was the three-year-old girl from Japan who sang "Blue is the Color" outside Stamford Bridge in a full Chelsea goalkeeper's kit...

And with that, we have reached cuteness overload.

More Chelsea video from Yahoo! Sports:

Related coverage on Yahoo! Sports:
• Busch Stadium pitcher’s mound flattened for Man City-Chelsea match
• Jose Mourinho tasked with reviving Chelsea again
• Photos: Best images from the weekend in sports
• Photos: Crazy sports injuries

The 2012/13 Premier League season is over and, to be honest, it wasn't that great. We were definitely spoiled by the dizzying last-minute climax of the 2011/12 season, but watching Manchester United trudge to a 20th title while the rest of the league floundered and groaned had all the excitement of bingo night at Gareth Barry's house.

Until it became clear that four of the top six clubs in the table (including each of the top three) would have new managers next season, the league was feeling decidedly stale with the same old stories (even Luis Suarez biting an opponent was a rerun from his Eredivisie days) and all of its representatives crashing out of the Champions League. But the good news is that all of that is over now and next season has the elements necessary to be bananas. Here are some things to look forward to...

Sir Alex Ferguson is retired -- It's always sad when a legend of the game moves on, but change can bring the reinvigorating elements of doubt and uncertainty. After 27 years and 13 Premier League titles, Ferguson's stronghold on the league is suddenly gone and it's up to David Moyes — a man who has only ever won the old Second Division with Preston North End in 2000 — to fill the void at one of the biggest and most successful clubs in the world.

For many Man United fans, Ferguson's reign has been all they know/remember. They've spent years wondering how other clubs could burn through a new set of managers every season or struggle to contend for trophies. Andi Thomas recently summed up their new plight for Football365:

It's not that Ferguson never made any mistakes; it's that when he did, it was okay because Ferguson was there to fix them, and he was able to do so in large part because he was Ferguson. Now they, like every other poor sap in the world, have to spend time worrying that their manager might not be any good, or might be good but unlucky, or might be good and lucky but end up on the wrong side of a power struggle, or might be good and lucky and have the backing of the board but bugger off after two seasons for somewhere sunnier.

Adding to the intrigue is that Ferguson will still be around the club in some capacity as director and ambassador like a phantom of more certain times. If Moyes falters, will Ferguson be summoned back to his full gum-chomping glory? Of course, it's very unlikely that Man United will instantly disappear from contention, but those new feelings of doubt and uncertainty could make even a second straight Man United title far more entertaining.

Jose Mourinho will (probably) return -- One grizzled manager with the fury of a thousand vengeful gods departs and another one (probably) returns, far more grizzled than when he left. When Jose Mourinho was shuffled out of the Premier League in the middle of the 2007 season, he was simply a great manager with a massive ego. Now he's a great manager with a massive ego and a fresh bruise on his record.

Mourinho is used to accomplishing two things: winning trophies and having his players adore him. At Real Madrid this season, he accomplished neither of those things and he's not taking it well. "This has been my worst season because it's the first season in which I have not won an important title," said Mourinho after losing and getting sent off in the Copa del Rey final. What's more fun than Jose Mourinho? Jose Mourinho in a conducive environment with something to prove.

Man City in flux again -- After winning their first top-flight title in 44 years, City became a little complacent. They went from spending ludicrous amounts of money to just massive amounts of money, they sold off Mario Balotelli and their once delightful YouTube channel became as bland as every other YouTube channel in existence. But going winless in the Champions League group stage, finishing a distant second to Man United, and losing the FA Cup final to Wigan (yes, Wigan) prompted them to sack manager and scarf model Roberto Mancini with two matches still to play in the season. Now the possibilities are once again endless. They can bring in manager with a more exciting style of play and resume throwing money out the door like it's covered in anthrax.

Wayne Rooney -- Will he again turn back on a transfer request and try to prove that he can still be one of the best players in the world while supporters again try to reconcile his fits of disloyalty or will he move on and attempt to start fresh somewhere else? Either way, he has a fascinating journey ahead of him and maybe another hair transplant too.

Season two of Brendan Rodgers at Liverpool and Andre Villas-Boas at Spurs -- No matter how you feel about Liverpool, you'll probably agree that the league was more interesting when they were a contender rather than an also-ran floating around the middle of the table. Brendan Rodgers' time at the club started with a preseason documentary that earned him the sticky tag of being football's David Brent and his results didn't prove revolutionary enough to shake it. Liverpool went from finishing eighth the season before to seventh in Rodgers' first campaign with his initial crop of signings proving largely underwhelming.

But midseason acquisitions Daniel Sturridge and Coutinho showed promise and provided a spark that could be a sign of more substantial improvements to come. Rodgers could still turn out to be less David Brent and more Donald Trump — someone lacking self-awareness who spouts cringe-worthy soundbites, but actually built an impressive empire to sit atop.

As for Villas-Boas, he delivered Spurs' best point total ever in the Premier League, but still finished one point shy of a Champions League spot. Retaining Gareth Bale for a little while longer is a major success (perhaps even equivalent to winning a trophy, as Arsene Wenger might say) and if he can convince the club to make a fresh investment while cutting off some of the fat in his squad, further improvement seems almost certain.

Luis Suarez returns from his biting ban -- Two seasons ago it was racial abuse, this season it was biting another human being (again), so what awful thing will Luis Suarez do next season to keep his streak going? Will he play every match with a machete tied to his head? Will he start an identity theft ring that targets his opponents' grandmothers? Will he help North Korea develop nuclear weapons? And will we finally learn what it takes for Liverpool to start believing that his many controversies are ultimately his fault and not purely the product of a massive conspiracy against him? The anticipation is almost too much.

No more QPR moralizing -- They paid way too much money for a group of talented players who didn't seem to care and now they're gone. The weekly pompous handwringing can be aimed at something else now.

Jose Mourinho will (probably) return -- There's a good chance Mourinho and Suarez will bite each other at the same time.

Barcelona were presented with the Primera Division title for the 22nd time in the club's history after their 2-1 win against Real Valladolid on Sunday. After the match, the players brought their families onto the pitch to join in the celebration, but one person who did not seem to enjoy it was Lionel Messi's infant son, Thiago.

Messi's hamstring injury kept him from participating in the match, but after the final whistle he put on his kit and stepped onto the pitch with adorable young Thiago, who was a bit overwhelmed by the ruckus. Have a look...

"I told you not to wake me up until Jose Mourinho was out of the country. What's going on?"

"I am just now realizing how ridiculous Carles Puyol's hair is."

"This is mine now."

"Noooooo! It smells like Sergio Ramos! He must have filled this thing with cologne and facial hair."

"Awesome. I have the watch the fireworks through the reflection on Gerard Pique's head. This is literally the worst."

"And now my father has my sucking thing in his mouth. Hey! I don't put your Lego stuff in my mouth and you don't put my sucking thing in yours. That's the deal."

Fergie was denied a victory in his 1,500th game in charge as a Romelu Lukaku hat-trick earned West Brom a bizarre 5-5 draw, but there was one clear winner on the day: the man who bought 700 souvenir programmes, spending £2,800 ($4,250) in the process.

Unless he really likes pictures of Steve Clarke clapping, the opportunistic "fan" presumably intends to cash in on his share of the £4 match day magazines, which included a 40-page Sir Alex Ferguson tribute.

[Related: Sir Alex Ferguson can retire satisfied]

The Daily Mail reports:

To mark the Manchester United boss being at the Hawthorns to bring down the curtain on his incredible career, West Brom have produced a 144-page programme, which is the biggest ever produced for a domestic fixture in England.

And one fan stunned a programme seller by handing over £2,800 for 700 copies, which are selling for £4 each.

Another supporter earlier bought 300 copies for £1,200, which means that one twentieth of the 20,000 editions printed are in the hands of two fans.

A number of the programmes have already shown up on eBay, and at the risk of helping to promote the enterprise of someone who might have kept thousands of fans at the Hawthorns from getting their own programme, here's one seller with some still available.

Yet those wishing to hold onto their rare copy and one day put their kids through college with the profits might be disappointed, as the club appears to be printing more.

More news from the Yahoo! Sports Minute

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In the 59th minute of Zenit St. Petersburg's final home match of the Russian Premier League season, 31-year-old Russian international Roman Shirokov was brought on to boos and jeers. In the first minute of injury time, Shirokov put away the final goal in Zenit's 3-1 win against Volga Nizhny and he celebrated by giving fans behind the goal an "up yours" gesture as payback for his reception half an hour earlier. The referee then showed the striker with a history of being unfriendly a straight red and he was off.

Shirokov was probably jeered in the first place because he tweeted "CSKA deserved the championship!" after CSKA Moscow sealed the league title on Saturday, leaving second place to Zenit. This isn't the best way to endear yourself to your own fans.

Prior to Euro 2012, ITV explained his reputation for cause controversy like this:

That [big-game] mentality has its downsides, though, as a number of disciplinary scrapes have given Shirokov something of a bad-boy reputation in Russia. He's known as 'Mister Twitter' in his homeland, apt - much like Joey Barton - to use social media to vent his uncompromising views. Shirokov once famously referred to fans of rival club Spartak Moscow as "pigs", and to Slovakia's national side as "a bunch of farmers".

So it seems this is just Roman Shirokov being Roman Shirokov.

Real Madrid were understandably confident going into Friday's Copa del Rey final. Atletico Madrid had not beaten them in over a decade and Jose Mourinho had to win in order to avoid the first season of his top-flight career without a trophy. But then Mourinho was sent off. And so was Cristiano Ronaldo. And Atletico ended up winning the Copa del Rey in extra time.

As a result, Real Madrid didn't get to use their customized open-topped bus, which was spotted in the city on its lonely trip back to the garage.

Atletico did use their bus as they paraded through the streets on Friday, though. Here it is in all its glory...

After Borussia Monchengladbach scored three goals in the first 10 minutes of the final match of the Bundesliga season, Bayern Munich came back to win 4-3. Though Bayern still have the Champions League final against Dortmund and the DFB Pokal final against Stuttgart to play, it was still an emotional day for outgoing manager Jupp Heynckes, who is not only from Monchengladbach, but also had two spells as a player there and two spells as a manager.

During Heynckes' post-match press conference, he got a bit misty-eyed while discussing the occasion. "This is an emotional moment for me," He said. "I started my playing career and coaching career at Gladbach. It would certainly have been more emotional if it would have been at the Bökelberg [Gladbach's old stadium]. I associate many triumphs, bitter defeats and some curiosities with it. I would like to heartily thank the Borussia fans for the wonderful farewell."

"This shows me that this is my home," he added, tearing up.

Heynckes said earlier in the week that he would not take another job in the Bundesliga and that at 68 years old, he felt he might be too old for youth-oriented clubs abroad. But he did admit that he has had offers. Still, he hasn't ruled out devoting his golden years to pulling a series of vengeful pranks on his successor at Bayern, Pep Guardiola.

Already crowned Ligue 1 champions, PSG strolled to a 3-1 win against Brest in David Beckham's final match in Paris before his retirement. Beckham was given a rare start and wore the captain's armband, along with a special pair of boots (pictured below) he designed himself with the names of each of his four kids and the shirt numbers he wore throughout his career. When he was subbed off in the 82nd minute, he was in tears as his 20-year career comes to an end at the age of 38.

Though PSG still has one more match at Lorient, PSG's president suggested this was, in fact, Beckham's last game and his emotional exit seems to back that up. Beckham assisted PSG's second goal against Brest with one of his signature corner kicks, which Blaise Matuidi headed into the net. After the final whistle, Beckham returned to the pitch all smiles and his teammates tossed him into the air.

"I think over the years, when I've seen players retire — when you ask them about it, they always say 'You know when you're ready.' And I think I know when I'm ready," Beckham said after announcing his retirement earlier this week. "I think I'm ready. Obviously it's a difficult decision because I still feel I can play at the top level — and still have done for the last six months. But I always secretly said to myself that I want to go out at the top." He also joked that he knew it was time to retire "when [Lionel] Messi was running past me," in the Champions League quarterfinals.

Though his celebrity transcended his sport because he married a Spice Girl, advertised products around the world and even became an underpants mogul, he always cared deeply about his football and it showed. "I just want people to see me as a hard-working footballer," Beckham says. And now he finishes his career with 10 domestic league titles in four different countries (a mark no other Englishman has reached), a record 115 caps for England and twice runner-up for the World Player of the Year award. If he was just in it for the money or the fame or swooning admirers, he wouldn't have accomplished half of what he did. Nor would he have shed a tear as he came off the pitch for the last time.

On the same day that the Daily Mail carried a story about how much the Man City players disliked now ex-manager Roberto Mancini, the Italian who wasn't even kept until the final match of the season took out a full page ad in the Manchester Evening News to say goodbye to the fans. "Manchester City supporters 3 UNFORGETTABLE YEARS," the ad reads above a picture of a waving Mancini with the FA Cup, Community Shield and Premier League trophy superimposed beneath him. "You will always be in my heart. Ciao. Roberto Mancini."

Mancini enjoyed great support from the fans despite finishing a distant second to Man United and losing the FA Cup final to Wigan this season. Though the club nor his players had the same faith in him, it seems he's looking to keep the fans on his side even after departing. One last way of thumbing his nose up at those who undermined him.

If only the next page was addressed to Carlos Tevez with a picture of Mancini giving the finger.

"This has been my worst season because it's the first season in which I have not won an important title." That is what you said after losing Atletico Madrid in the Copa del Rey final, Jose. I am already having this stitched onto a pillow to put in my hotel room. It makes me very happy. Like Batman movies and funny hats.

While you were getting sent off and having Real Madrid lose to Atletico for the first time in 13 years, I was just sitting here in my beanbag chair with my new Europa League trophy. You only won the Spanish Super Cup with Real Madrid, but I wasn't even at Chelsea a full season and I still won a better trophy. I have named it Albert. Albert and I were discussing how you have said many rude things about me over the years and how you even got lying liar Marco Materazzi to lie lies about me. Lie. Liar. Lie lie. Anyways, maybe now you and Materazzi can cry together. Oh wait, you've already done that. Rafa burn!

But seriously, I must congratulate you, Jose, because you have done many things this season that I never thought was possible. You beat Barcelona, but you still lost the league by 10 points. You have also maintained a feud with Iker Casillas. Iker Casillas! Who has eyes like puppy dogs hugging unicorn kitten in a river of baby giggles. Here is a picture of him...

How does anyone have a feud with this man? Even Osama Bin Laden would have said, "Eh, that Iker Casillas is a good guy. I'd let him borrow my car." But Pepe...I get that.

But enough about you not being special anymore. Let's talk about why my goatee is like a picture frame for smiles. I beat Alex Ferguson and then he announced his retirement three days later, you won no major titles for the first time in your career, Chelsea fans were so mean to me that everyone now treats me with sweet, wonderful pity, Liverpool fans still like me more than Brendan Rodgers, Roman Abramovich cares so little for the Europa League that he's letting me keep the trophy as a drinking glass for any combination of buttermilk and Pepsi that I want, and you won no major titles for the first time in your career. Everything is coming up Rafa! Fact.

P.S. When you come back to Chelsea and you sit down in the manager's office, take a deep breath and smell the musky odor of Rafa wins. See you soon, Ordinary One.

Previously: Jose Mourinho congratulates Rafa Benitez on winning the Europa League

All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award-winning Dirty Tackle...

The FA's YouTube channel says the kid nutmegged Beckham in this Zurich appearance during World Cup bid week a while back, but it's hard to tell if he actually did. Either way, this might have been the moment Beckham first started thinking about retirement. [YouTube]

Mario Balotelli is finally on Twitter for real. [Twitter]

Sir Alex Ferguson in 13 paradoxes. [Grantland]

A deeper look at the false story about Mario Balotelli offering his now ex-girlfriend as a prize to Real Madrid. [SWW]

Gigi Buffon plays for Juve, but his heart and pocketbook belong to Carrarese. [Counter Attack]

The Alternative PFA team of the year. [SB Nation]

The Real Oviedo story is worth your time. [Copa90]

Like DT on Facebook for extra bits and chances to win prizes. [DT on Facebook]

Sheffield Wednesday turn down payday lender sponsorship deal. [Independent]

MLS is testing out a ref cam. [MLSSoccer]

If you haven't checked out Howler Magazine yet, you're really missing out. [Howler]

And finally, DT is once again nominated for a couple of EPL Talk awards and we must defend our titles in both categories! You can vote in the Best Blog category here. Both Ryan and I are also up for the Best Blogger award (him for his work at Bleacher Report, me for DT). You can vote in that category here. Your support is greatly appreciated (and any betrayal will be punished by Zlatan)!

Stoke have launched an internal investigation after a prank gone wrong prompted striker Kenwyne Jones to reportedly throw a brick through teammate Glen Whelan's windshield after finding a pig's head in his locker. This comes just days after the Stoke boys dumped eggs and flour all over Michael Owen's car. Michael Owen apparently did not go on a rampage after that incident, though.

From the Telegraph:

Jones is understood to have been furious after discovering the bloody carcass in his locker on Friday morning and threw a brick through the windscreen of Glenn Whelan's car as revenge. [...]

It is understood Whelan, the Republic of Ireland international, was behind the prank and he is expected to meet Stoke officials to explain his behaviour before Sunday's trip to Southampton.

In response to the incident, Stoke released this statement on their official website:

“The Club takes seriously reports of an incident at our Training Ground this afternoon.

“A full internal investigation will be carried out and those responsible for any unacceptable behaviour will be dealt with in accordance with the Club’s disciplinary procedures.”

On Twitter, Jones' girlfriend, Kissa Abdullah, stated that he told his teammates not to prank him.

@theswin they put a huge bloody pigs head in his clothes at training! He warned them 2 keep him out of the banter or else! u kno the rest

— Kissa Abdullah (@kissakj) May 17, 2013

So now they know he wasn't kidding.

With just days before they face Bayern Munich in the Champions League Final at Wembley, Borussia Dortmund have officially kicked off the mind games by invoking one of the Bavarian side's most painful memories in their museum.

BVB have put a Manchester Utd jersey belonging Ole Gunnar Solskjaer on display. Bayern fans will need little reminding that the plucky Norwegian scored the winning goal in the 93rd minute of the 1999 Champions League Final, in one of the biggest upsets in football history.

It is not actually the garment the Baby-Faced Assassin wore in the '99 final, but one he swapped with Dortmund's Knut Reinhardt after Utd's European Cup semi-final defeat of 1997.

So technically, this is an authentic piece of memorabilia to place in their museum. But they don't exactly have to rename this part of the building "The Didier Drogba Memorial Wing presented by Porto" to make it clear they are trolling their Bundesliga rivals for their predilection for losing European Cup finals in the dying moments.

Jose Mourinho did not show up for a press conference the day before the Copa del Rey final between Real Madrid and Atletico Madrid, so Sergio Ramos was left to field questions on his own. A Brazilian journalist in attendance was not pleased with this development, so he took out his frustration on a picture of Mourinho after the press conference.

The reporter was filming a segment when he colleague pointed out a picture of Mourinho, whose move to Chelsea is virtually inevitable at this point. The man then ripped it to shreds and called the torn up picture an idiot. This is what Jose Mourinho does to people. He makes them so angry that they call torn up paper an idiot.

Three short weeks ago, Everton midfielder Marouane Fellaini vowed to color his hair silver if he could raise £25,000 for the club's official charity. Well, he reached his target and so his hair is now silver(ish). Fellaini debut his temporary new look at Everton's end of season awards and though it was a hit, it won't last long.

From Everton's official website:

Speaking about his new do, Marouane said: “It’s okay – I think I look nice. It is only for one day but I will enjoy my day. Maybe I will do it again with another colour now that silver is done. Maybe blue next for Everton!"

With the silver hair, Fellaini can go as Jermaine Jones next Halloween.

Before he scored that iconic goal against Greece, married a Spice Girl, won the treble, became the Pied Piper for MLS and got into the underpants racket, David Beckham was just a spiky-haired 14-year-old signing a schoolboy contract in a wood-paneled room with a man who had never won anything for Manchester United. Now, almost exactly 24 years and 4,872 Beckham hairstyles later, David Beckham is one of the most recognizable humans on the planet with a 14-year-old son of his own (who had a trial with Chelsea) and Sir Alex Ferguson is one of the most accomplished managers in the history of sports.

They're both retiring at the end of the season and they're both doing it as champions – Beckham in France, age 38, and Ferguson still in the Premier League, age 71. Though their relationship was marred by Ferguson kicking a boot at Beckham and opening up a cut above his eye before the midfielder left Man United for Real Madrid in 2003, there was nothing but hopes and dreams in that antiquated room with too many phones on the table in 1989.

But well before that momentous day, David Beckham had already made his television debut. Here he is at the age of 12 on Thames Television's daytime show, quietly talking about his participation in the Bobby Charlton Soccer School...

A lot has changed for Beckham over all these years, but his voice is still the same.

Photo: The Times via KickTV

Perhaps to show why Chelsea signed him to a one-year contract extension, adidas set up an intricate "3D infographic" representing each of his club-record 203 goals on the pitch at Stamford Bridge. Lampard's goals were plotted on a virtual 3D axis, which allowed its creators to be "pinpoint placed and showcase exactly where each goal was scored from."

The result is this...

Chelsea play Everton at home on Sunday to finish the season. Hopefully they leave this display up for it.

In other Frank Lampard goal tributes, legendary Chelsea wizard and current Watford manager Gianfraco Zola recently attempted to recreate Lampard's famous 2006 end-line goal against Barcelona in the Champions League. He didn't have much success.

To coincide with his retirement announcement, David Beckham conducted an interview with his former Manchester United teammate Gary Neville. In the interview, Beckham discussed everything from why he felt it was time to end his long and distinguished career at 38 years old to the hurt caused by his celebrity overshadowing his playing career. And how Lionel Messi is ultimately to blame for him hanging up his boots.

When asked "Why now?" Beckham replied:

"I think over the years, when I've seen players retire — when you ask them about it, they always say 'You know when you're ready.' And I think I know when I'm ready. I think I'm ready. Obviously it's a difficult decision because I still feel I can play at the top level — and still have done for the last six months. But I always secretly said to myself that I want to go out at the top."

Beckham has played these last few months at PSG, donating his wages to charity (though, as of April, that charity still hadn't been chosen yet) after his five years in MLS with the LA Galaxy. Though Beckham has only made 13 appearances with the Paris club, he still goes out as a Ligue 1 champion, adding the French title to those he won with Man United, Real Madrid and LA. And at each stop, he won a domestic title in his final season with the club.

"When did that moment come, when did it hit ya?" Neville then asked.

"Probably when Messi was running past me," Beckham joked, referring to PSG's Champions League quarterfinal elimination to Barcelona. "Playing in the MLS last year and winning the championship there and then coming to PSG and winning the French league here, it's a good way to go out."

Despite all of his achievements on the pitch — all the titles and all the caps for England (a record 115), Beckham is keenly aware that his celebrity off the pitch has cast a shadow and one that he doesn't particularly appreciate.

"I just want people to see me as a hard-working footballer," Beckham said. "Someone's that's passionate about the game and someone that everytime I stepped on the pitch, I gave everything I had."

He added:

"I think over the years, my life and my career, people have obviously looked at some other things that have gone on throughout my career and sometimes that's overshadowed what I've done on the pitch and what I've achieved on the pitch. And that's — as much as I say that that doesn't hurt me, of course it does."

"At the end of the day, I'm a footballer that has played for some of the biggest clubs in the world, played with some of the best players in the world, played under some of the biggest and best managers and achieved almost everything in football and I think of course it hurts when people, not question it, but think about other things. And to come to the end of my career now and to look back and to say I've achieved everything with every club that I've played for — played for my country 115 times, been runner-up twice for World Player of the Year to amazing footballers — I'm very proud of that."

Of course, Beckham has no one to blame but himself and the unrivaled genius of his management team for the explosion of Brand Beckham. He married a Spice Girl, endorsed products around the world, posed in his underpants and went through a myriad of highly publicized "look at me" hairstyles. His wife publicly calling him "Golden Balls" probably didn't help, either.

If he just wanted to be known for his football above all else, he could have kept his head (and his hair) down, limited his engagement with the press and just played — like former teammate Paul Scholes, who is also retiring at the end of this season. But, he didn't. And now David Beckham — a name 1,000-feet tall in glittering lights — will remain one of the biggest in the world both to fans of the game and to people who think a penalty shot involves kicking someone in the crotch, long after his playing career ends in a few weeks time. David Beckham outgrew the game. His notoriety became independent of it. For that reason, with his time now freed up from all that training and medal winning, he might now reach even greater heights of world domination.

For more, here's a documentary on Beckham from 2006...

Much has been made of John Terry's decision to wear a full kit and personalized boots to celebrate the Europa League final in which he played no part, but the Chelsea captain wasn't the only dubious person trying to collect a medal at the Amsterdam ArenA.

Sandwiched in between Fernando Torres and David Luiz in the medal procession was 11-year-old Liverpool fan Louis Kearns, who had travelled to the game with his dad and somehow ended up shaking UEFA president Michel Platini's hand in front of millions of TV viewers. The BBC reports:.

It is understood Chelsea FC has no idea how he gained access to the team.

Louis' aunt Francesca Kearns, 28, said: "I was watching the game, but I wasn't paying much attention to it. I've then seen a blond boy walk past the screen and I said 'I'm sure that's our Louis'".

"We were just laughing about it as he seems to get himself everywhere. As Torres went up to get his medal, he was waiting behind him and we realised it was him."

Louis was away from his father for "no longer than five or ten minutes" and was in sight of him at all times.

Louis' aunt explained that the Liverpool-loving youngster was a huge fan of Fernando Torres, and seized an opportunity to slip onto the pitch to get his photo taken with the Spaniard. One thing led to another and he ended up climbing the steps behind his idol.

A UEFA spokesman said Louis was "quietly removed" when he was spotted on the ceremony tribune, which is an extremely sinister way of saying someone with a headset yanked him away when he was trying to snuggle between Lamps and Luiz...

Scroll to 1.02 in the video below to see little Louis' moment in the sun...

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• Sky Sports weighs in big time on David Beckham retirement

David Beckham has announced that he will retire at the end of this season and Sky Sports News was all over the story, making sure that no matter where your eyeballs are looking, you know the news. Except for the part of the screen with former England manager Steve McClaren looking forlorn.

Beckham released a statement on his Facebook page to announce his decision. Here it is in full:

I'm thankful to PSG for giving me the opportunity to continue but I feel now is the right time to finish my career, playing at the highest level. If you had told me as a young boy I would have played for and won trophies with my boyhood club Manchester United, proudly captained and played for my country over one hundred times and lined up for some of the biggest clubs in the world, I would have told you it was a fantasy. I'm fortunate to have realised those dreams.

To this day, one of my proudest achievements is captaining my country. I knew every time I wore the Three Lions shirt, I was not only following in a long line of great players, I was also representing every fan that cared passionately about their country. I'm honoured to represent England both on and off the pitch.

I wouldn't have achieved what I have done today without my family. I'm grateful for my parents' sacrifice, which made me realise my dreams. I owe everything to Victoria and the kids, who have given me the inspiration and support to play at the highest level for such a long period. I also want to thank Simon Fuller and his team for their continued support.

I want to thank all my team-mates, the great managers that I had the pleasure of learning from. I also want to thank the fans who have all supported me and given me the strength to succeed.

Nothing will ever completely replace playing the game I love, however I feel like I'm starting a new adventure and I'm genuinely excited about what lies ahead. I'm fortunate to have been given many opportunities throughout my career and now I feel it's my time to give back.

Beckham goes out as a Ligue 1 champion with PSG, rounding out his impressive record of winning a title in his last season with each of his four clubs (Man United, Real Madrid, LA Galaxy and PSG). Beckham is also the only Englishman to win domestic titles in four different countries.

Congratulations, Rafa. You have proven that you can win the Europa League with the reigning champions of Europe. This is as impressive as Cristiano Ronaldo winning a handsome competition held under a bridge. You did something that should happen. And now you want credit for it like a 15-year-old looking to be commended for not wetting the bed during sleep time. So I will give you as much as you deserve.

People say you have vindicated yourself, Rafa. But what have you done at Chelsea? Win the Premier League twice, the FA Cup once and the League Cup twice? No. That was me. When you rubbed a magic lamp and asked the genie to turn you from a blog person back into a manager last November, Chelsea were four points out of first place and had four trophies to compete for. Then you showed up with your 1998 goatee and everything got worse.

First, you signed a contract to be the "interim manager" even though you did not want to be called "interim." Then you could not fit into any of the club's suits, so you had to wear your own. Then you made everyone think you had a brain glitch when you called Marco Materazzi a liar nine times in 30 seconds. Then you lost in the League Cup, the FA Cup and even the Club World Cup, despite watching my Inter win it in person in 2010. And in the Premier League, you struggle to finish third, 16 points behind Manchester United. That is four times more than four. Or four times the number of different countries in which I have won domestic titles. In case your forgot, you still just have Spain. I have a tiny piece of paper that says all of this.

You were supposed to fix Fernando Torres. He had six goals in the Eurjoke-a League, yes. But in the Premier League, he has not scored since December. He has seven goals. One more than last season. If anything, you have him fixed like a neutered labradoodle. Speaking of the Europa League, you beat four clubs that couldn't buy lunch at Chelsea's training ground and then one that has lost seven European finals in a row. This is how you finally won a trophy, Rafa. And you did this with a team that has regularly reached the final rounds of the Champions League in recent years, regardless of whether the manager can button his pants or not.

Is this vindication? If a chef gets a bad review and then heats up a frozen pizza without burning it, is it vindication? You have done the bare minimum with the talented team at your disposal and so you get the bare minimum credit. You didn't burn the pizza. Congratulations. Now get out of my seat and start rubbing your magic lamp again.

Chelsea are now the first club to ever hold the Champions League title and Europa League titles at the same time (for 10 days, anyway) by beating Benfica 2-1 in the Europa League final. For Benfica, it extends their streak of seven European finals without a win. The Bela Guttman curse lives on.

After an ugly first half dominated by Benfica's supernatural inability to finish, Chelsea went on the attack and Fernando Torres opened the scoring in the 59th minute with a vintage move around the keeper before burying the ball in the far side of the net (gif here). Nine minutes later, Benfica equalized with a penalty from a Cesar Azpiliqueta handball. The match seemed destined for extra time after several near misses and ignored penalty shouts, but Branislav Ivanovic floated in a glorious header off a corner kick in the third minute of injury time to give Chelsea the historic win.

It was a match that perpetuated a number of oddities. Fernando Torres' goal was brilliant and his sixth in as many Europa League matches, but he still hasn't scored a Premier League goal in 2013. Benfica haven't won a European final in 50 years despite seven chances and mostly outplaying Chelsea. And Rafa Benitez will be given credit for vindicating himself as interim manager of Chelsea despite failing in every other cup competition and only winning the Europa League with the reigning champions of Europe. Which is a bit like winning the World Cup's third-place match with the World Cup champions.

Anyway, all hail Fernando Torres (and Juan Mata): Undisputed Master of Our Strange, Strange Universe.

For the next 10 days, Chelsea's Fernando Torres is a reigning World Cup, European Championship, Champions League & Europa League winner #CFC

— BBC Sport (@BBCSport) May 15, 2013

Lyon, who won every match and only allowed five goals in their 20-match French Division 1 Feminine season, have offered to replay their French Cup semifinal against Montpellier after a referee mistake tainted the deciding shootout. Lyon won the shootout 6-5 after Montpellier's Rumi Utsugi had her first successful attempt disallowed because the ball moved just before she took her shot and her second successful attempt disallowed because the ref ruled the ball dead for hitting the post, even though it then went off the keeper's arm and in the net.

Montpellier were understandably aggrieved by this outcome and Lyon, who obviously have had no trouble winning without the help of the referee all season, have displayed an admirable level of sportsmanship by offering to replay the whole match.

From Reuters:

"Olympique Lyon confirm they have offered Montpellier a replay of their French Cup semi-final... (for reasons of) fair-play and taking into account the good relationship between the clubs," they said in a statement.

"They (the women's team) have done it like Arsenal and their coach Arsene Wenger did in 1999," Lyon added, referring to an FA Cup fifth round game against Sheffield United at Highbury.

In that FA Cup match, Sheffield kicked the ball into touch so one of their players could receive treatment for an injury. Not realizing someone was hurt, Arsenal striker Kanu set up Marc Overmars for the winning goal and sparking outrage. After the match, Arsene Wenger offered Sheffield a replay. Ten days later, the rematch was played and again Arsenal won 2-1.

The French Football Federation will reportedly decide on Thursday whether the replay between Lyon and Montpellier will be allowed.

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Fans attending last weekend's derby between FC Zurich and Grasshoppers agreed to enter the stadium 10 minutes after kick-off as a protest against increased security measures. Despite the nearly empty stands at the start of the match, chants from the non-existant crowd during this period could be heard in the highlights aired by Swiss broadcaster SRF. This, obviously, was not possible without the help of some editing room trickery, which SRF has now admitted.

From Reuters:

"In order to make the report as attractive as possible, the chants of the fans were subsequently edited into highlights of the game," SRF said in a statement on Wednesday.

"The decision was taken under great time pressure. It was wrong, we apologize for it. Manipulation of sounds or images is not allowed."

This is the part where you suggest your least favorite team with a quiet ground try this and then smugly chuckle to yourself.

There was a time not too long ago when any team on the planet would've wanted Wayne Rooney in their starting XI. But several years, a hair transplant and two transfer demands later and that isn't the case anymore. Now the teams that want him can't afford him and the teams that can afford him don't seem to want him.

Bayern Munich, for example, were recently rumored to be the 28-year-old striker's destination of choice. Matthias Sammer, the German champions' sporting director has made it clear that they're not interested, though.

From the Guardian:

"I don't know what Rooney would bring to the Bundesliga," Sammer said. "I can't answer that. I can answer that we have great respect for Wayne Rooney but there has been no contact with him. There is no contact and he's not on the agenda. No, no. Absolutely not."

When Mario Gomez, a guy who was the Bundesliga's second best scorer last season with 26 goals, can't even get regular starts then you know Sammer isn't just talking a big game.

Rooney's bigger concern should be the first part of Sammer's statement. If he's looking to leave England, that question of "can he perform in a league with a different style of play?" could limit his number of interested parties even further. His transfer request in 2010 brought death threats, but it also brought more money. This one might just bring embarrassment.

A man attempting to dribble a ball from Seattle to Sao Paulo, Brazil in time for the 2014 World Cup was hit by a car and killed in Lincoln City, Oregon just 14 days into his journey. Richard Swanson, a 42-year-old Seattle Sounders fan, began his trip on May 1 and planned visit 11 countries during his year-long adventure. He maintained a website dedicated to the experience at breakawaybrazil.com. Sadly, he didn't make it very far.

From The News Guard:

According to police, Swanson was walking south along the south bound shoulder of Highway 101 near the south city limits of Lincoln City. Swanson was struck from behind by a 1995 Nissan pickup operated by Scott Van Hiatt, 52, of Neskowin. Mr. Hiatt remained at the scene and has been cooperating with the investigation.

Medics from Pacific West Ambulance transported Swanson to Samaritan North Lincoln Hospital, where Swanson was declared deceased.

According to The Oregonian, the blue ball pictured right was found with him.

In a video introduction on his website, Swanson said he was a father of two adult sons and lost his job as a graphic designer last year. Unable to find work, he decided to carry out his dream of going to the World Cup, but since he had no income, he decided to walk. "Screw what happens, I don't even care," Swanson said of the plan. "As crazy as the idea sounds, that idea spurred on to the next leg of 'Well, since I'm going to the World Cup, I should honor it by dribbling a soccer ball.' Which even makes the trip even more crazy."

Swanson initially dismissed the idea as "lunacy," but later decided that "It felt natural. It felt like I was doing what I should be doing. That this was the next leg of my life." He sold his house and felt he was in a unique position free of responsibilities to make the trip. He was looking for sponsors, donations and places to stay along his route.

Here's the video:

Swanson was hoping to support the One World Futbol project, which made the indestructible ball he was using along the way. For every ball purchased through One World, another is donated to "disadvantaged communities around the world." If you'd like to help the cause, you can purchase a ball here.

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A mere four days after winning the first FA Cup in Wigan's history, the club also became the first to ever get relegated the same season as winning the world's oldest football competition.

Tuesday night's match against Arsenal was a must win if they were to have any hope of staying up. Lukas Podolski gave Arsenal a lead in the 11th minute on Tuesday night, but Shaun Maloney (pictured above) kept the Latics' hopeful with an exquisite free kick just before halftime. Once the break was over, Arsenal's merciless onslaught began and a 4-1 win was theirs.

Though the silverware and Europa League play next season softens the blow of relegation, it's still an absurd range of emotions to go through in less than a week's time. Here's a look at the difference a few days makes...

Saturday

Emmerson Boyce tears up as he feels the joy of a thousand babies laughing while holding the FA Cup.

Tuesday

Emmerson Boyce is too sad to wear a shirt. Roger Espinoza slowly morphs into Charlie Brown.

Saturday

Goalkeeper Joe Robles tosses manager Roberto Martinez into the air while opening his mouth wide enough for woodland creatures to dance on his tongue.

Tuesday

The woodland creatures all have mononucleosis.

Saturday

Arsene Wenger sits at home, in his puffy coat, trying not to think about how long it's been since the 2005 FA Cup final, when he won his last trophy (no picture available).

Tuesday

Wenger remembers that Alex Ferguson is retiring this weekend.

The rivalry between Galatasaray and Fenerbahce was once again accompanied by some loathsome behavior from the fans. After the 2-1 Fenerbahce win, one of their supporters was stabbed to death, allegedly by Galatasaray fans.  During the match, a Fener fan reportedly waved a banana at Galatasaray's Didier Drogba and Emmanuel Eboue.

Drogba later responded to the apparent racial taunt on Galatasaray's Facebook page, noting that both of Fenerbahce's goal were scored by Cameroon striker Pierro Webo. Said Drogba:

''You call me monkey but you cried when Chelsea beat Fenerbahçe in 2008, you called me monkey but you jumped in front of your screen when I won the Champions League, you called me monkey but you got mad when I became Champion with Galatasaray and the saddest thing is you called me monkey and forgot that you jumped my ''monkey'' brother scored twice yesterday… And you call yourself a true fan?? Check all the Galatasaray fans comments and learn from them…''

A man claiming to be the banana waver called in to a Turkish TV show and said the intent of his gesture was different from the way it was perceived. He also apologized, but not to Drogba or Eboue. From Reuters:

"I didn't wave the banana with the aim of racism, I just joined a jeering against (Galatasaray goalkeeper Fernando) Muslera," the man said during a phone-in.

"I am not like that. I apologise to Fenerbahce and Galatasaray fans," he added.

Meanwhile, in Italy, Roma were fined just €50,000 for fans who racially abused Milan players, including Mario Balotelli, over the weekend.

Scroll to 1.35 to see Carlitos hit the deck

After the embarrassment of losing an FA Cup final to a relegation-threatened side that was assembled for less than half the cost of his own Manchester City transfer fee, Carlos Tevez suffered further indignity when he took an unfortunate trip on the steps at Wembley, straight after having a losers' medal thrust in his face.

If only City had taken a more "holistic approach" to walking down stairs under Roberto Mancini, this never would have happened.

Warning: video contains NSFW language

Crystal Palace booked their place in the Championship playoff final with a 2-0 win at Brighton on Monday evening, meaning the Eagles will play Gianfranco Zola's Watford on Memorial Day for the right to return to the Premier League.

Straight after the game, winger Yannick Bolasie captured the elated mood in the locker room on his mobile phone. Future Manchester Utd forward and two-goal hero Wilfried Zaha was so excited by the prospect of a trip to Wembley that he couldn't help but drop an F-bomb. Yet Wilf's elation couldn't be matched by manager Ian Holloway, who broke into one of the strangest shaky-leg dances you're ever likely to see. Perhaps he picked up those moves on Planet Zarf.

With two matches left to play, Manchester City have officially sacked manager Roberto Mancini one year to the day after he led them to the Premier League title. Days of speculation and rumor made it seem like an inevitabality, but Man City announced the decision with a statement on their official website Monday night, the crux of which is the following paragraph:

Despite everyone’s best efforts, the Club has failed to achieve any of its stated targets this year, with the exception of qualification for next season’s UEFA Champions League. This, combined with an identified need to develop a holistic approach to all aspects of football at the Club, has meant that the decision has been taken to find a new manager for the 2013/14 season and beyond.

If Mancini did achieve the goal of Champions League qualification, then he didn't exactly fail to achieve any of the club's stated targets this year. Also, use of the phrase "holistic approach" is already being widely mocked for being nonsensical. Clearly this statement could have been written much better both in explaining why Mancini was sacked and avoiding backlash from the public and press.

The following is the statement Man City should have made...

Manchester City Football Club announces that Roberto Mancini has been relieved of his duties as Manchester City manager. We do not regret this decision. We will now tell you why if you can pay attention and wait an extra two minutes before writing your next snarky tweet about us, which we know is difficult for you.

First, the obvious: Being 13 points behind Man United in the table after winning the league last year is just unacceptable. Also, we lost to Wigan in the FA Cup final. Wigan. We'll repeat that one more time: Wigan.

When deciding whether to stick with Mancini, one of the most important questions we asked ourselves was, "Do we want to win the Champions League at some point?" The answer was a unanimous "yes" if you exclude Samir Nasri's response (which we do because he wasn't paying attention to the question and he's worthless). Given that answer, we simply could keep Mancini any longer.

Roberto Mancini has never taken a team past the quarterfinals of the Champions League. Again, we will repeat that: Roberto Mancini has never taken a team past the quarterfinals of the Champions League. Last season, we didn't even make it out of the group stage, finishing third. This season we finished dead last in our group with a humiliating 0-3-3 record. This is beyond unacceptable for the reigning champions of England. Though we have admittedly been drawn into very difficult groups these last two years, we aren't some scrappy little rag-tag club. We literally have a secret army of robot butlers.

So to recap, that's 13 points behind Man United in the league, a loss to Wigan in the FA Cup final (Wigan), and a winless Champions League group stage with no previous record of success in Europe. But results aside, it's also worth remembering that Mancini physically attacked Mario Balotelli on the training ground this season. What manager gets away with assaulting one of his own players besides Sir Alex Ferguson? Even Harry Redknapp knows you can't do that and Harry Redknapp doesn't even know how to read.

That brings the tally to: 13 points behind Man United in the league, a loss to Wigan in the FA Cup final (Wigan! WIGAN!!!!), a winless Champions League group stage and a physical altercation with one of his own players during training. Also, his style of play can be summed up in Gareth Barry. Is Gareth Barry what you pay to see? Is this a manager we should still have confidence in? Yes, it's lovely that he helped us win the FA Cup in 2011 and the Premier League in 2012 (with support from Joey Barton and Kun Aguero) and he boosted scarf sales exponentially, but it's just time to move on.

This isn't to say that Roberto Mancini is a bad manager or a bad person. But our progress has not only stagnated, but regressed and we see no hope of that changing. So instead of hoping that David Moyes poops the bed at Man United, waiting for another group-stage exit from the Champions League and letting Mancini stay just because people think change is somehow immoral, we've decided to sack him.

Disloyal striker Carlos Tevez will take interim responsibility for the remaining two games of the season and the post-season tour to the United States just because we want to make your heads explode. Deal with it.

While more experienced domestic champions Barcelona and Manchester United held relatively incident free parades through their respective cities, PSG fans celebrated their first Ligue 1 title since 1994 by busting up shop windows and fighting police.

The riots began Sunday night after PSG beat Lyon 1-0 (which was also followed by Zlatan Ibrahimovic yelling at Leonardo until he ended up in the hospital). They resumed on Monday as PSG held their open-top bus parade through Paris. The parade concluded in front of the Eiffel Tower, where the players lifted the trophy and the fans switched back into riot mode.

Some supporters threw projectiles at police in riot gear, who responded by spraying tear gas. Others used makeshift battering rams to bust the glass of shop windows. And one man even climbed atop a museum because why not?

The party was eventually cut short as police dealt with the unruly crowd, which began climbing up the temporary scaffolding on a nearby building. From Reuters:

"The scaffolding is going to collapse. We can't welcome the players in these conditions," the ceremony's public announcer said as the players were forced to leave the Place du Trocadero earlier than expected.

Riot police fired tear gas to try to disperse the crowd after up to 15,000 people -- according to police -- gathered to celebrate PSG's first league title since 1994.

All in all, it was everything Zlatan Ibrahimovic could have hoped from a victory celebration.

Video via 101gg

During an illustrious career that has lasted 21 seasons, Mark van Bommel has brought his uniquely aggressive brand of football to PSV, Barcelona, Bayern Munich and Milan. Back with PSV this season, the 36-year-old midfielder played his 350th Eredivisie game on Sunday, which turned out to be a 3-1 loss at FC Twente.

Even though he earned a red card in the 70th minute for a nasty challenge on opposing striker Dusan Tadić, Van Bommel announced his retirement with immediate effect after the game. It was the ninth dismissal of his career.

Hence, the Dutchman successfully pulled a Zidane, and his last act in professional football was a fitting tribute to his own playing style.

This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events.

H/T: 101gg

PSG finally clinched the Ligue 1 title with a 1-0 win against Lyon on Sunday. This pleased Zlatan Ibrahimovic. But as he celebrated with his teammates in the dressing room after the match, PSG director of football Leonardo attempted to tell Ibrahimovic that he had to go take an anti-doping test. This did not please Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

The players' rallying chant was cut short when Zlatan began shouting at Leonardo in front of everyone, expressing how he didn't want to get held up doing the test while his teammates partied. "You always ruin everything," Ibrahimovic shouted at Lenoardo in Italian.

The wrath of Zlatan aside, he should be pleased with this latest victory, as he has now won domestic titles in Holland, Italy, Spain, and now France. Teammate David Beckham, meanwhile, is the first Englishman to win titles in four countries (England, Spain, USA and France). Here they are celebrating their achievements together in a happier moment...

This weekend has had so many well-publicized retirements and goodbyes (Ferguson! Scholes! Van Bommel! Moyes! Mancini's Premiership career!) that Michael Owen's final home game of his career almost slipped under the radar. Particularly as the former England star spent that match — a 2-1 loss to Tottenham — as an unused substitute for the fourteenth time this season.

Before the 33-year-old striker moves on to bore the living daylights out of BT Sport subscribers, his Stoke teammates let him know they remembered he was a club employee by vandalzing his Mercedes AMG C63, giving him the ideal opportunity to employ the sorely underused #eggs&flour hashtag...

This is what I will miss once I hang up my boots! Looks like I may be delayed getting to the match. #eggs&flour twitter.com/themichaelowen…

— michael owen (@themichaelowen) May 12, 2013

Owen donned his detective hat — being careful not to pick up an injury in the process — and produced a list of suspects he had rounded down to Dean Whitehead, Glenn Whelan and Robert Huth. He then added Jonathan Walters, Peter Crouch and Matthew Ethrington to the list. So, basically just anyone who might have access to flour and eggs.

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With the Copa del Rey final to be played this coming Friday, Real Madrid decided to rest a number of regulars during their match against Espanyol. Defender Fabio Coentrao was one of those players not selected for the match, yet he still took a seat on the bench anyway. When his teammates who were supposed to be there caught on to his mistake, they had Iker Casillas inform him. Coentrao gave him the blank stare of a kid who was just asked about a homework assignment he forgot to do before laughing at his error.

Coentrao then went over to assistant manager Aitor Karanka to make sure everyone wasn't playing a joke on him and when he got his response, he immediately left the dugout and headed upstairs. Manager Jose Mourinho then joined in on the chuckles at Coentrao's expense while Cristiano Ronaldo pointed to his head as if to say "he's a dumbbell" upon being informed of what happened. And those two are good friends.

Having seen this, we now realize that one thing is certain: if Karim Benzema is laughing at you, something has gone very wrong.

After an ideal farewell in his last match at Old Trafford, Sir Alex Ferguson spoke to the seeker of harsh truths himself, Geoff Shreeves. After warming Ferguson up with a couple of softballs, Shreeves asked him why Wayne Rooney watched the match from an executive suite. Ferguson responded by confirming reports that Rooney has asked for a transfer (again) and Shreeves seemed a bit stunned by the straight forward reply. Said Ferguson:

"Well, I don't think Wayne was keen to play simply because he's asked for a transfer. I think he wants to think it through in his mind. I think that's a good idea. We're not going to let him go. And I think maybe he's a little bit frustrated that he's been taken off once or twice in the last few weeks."

On the topic of Ferguson's retirement, Shreeves brought up how unexpected the announcement was. After all, Ferguson has maintained for years now that he would continue as long as his health would allow and even wrote in his matchday program notes a mere three days before announcing he would step down that "I certainly don't have any plans at the moment to walk away." Again, Ferguson responded to Shreeves with honesty and said he actually decided to stop last Christmas for his grieving wife, who convinced him not to retire in 2002.

"Well, basically things changed when Catherine's sister died. She's isolated a lot now and I think I owe her a lot of my own time. For 47 years she's been the leader of the family, looked after our three sons and sacrificed for me and now she's got all the grandchildren, the old daughter, and I think she's lost her best friend, her sister Bridget, so I think our time — that was important. Also, to go out a winner. That is really important in this club."

Ferguson added that it was very difficult to keep the secret these last few months and that he only told his kids in March and his brother the night before he made his decision public because he wanted to tell his players and staff first.

At the end of the interview, Shreeves concluded by saying, "In a break with tradition, if you'll let me have the last word this time and say: Alex, well done." Ferguson, of course, instinctively would not let him have that last word and replied by saying, "Well done, thank you" and laughing.

Watford have reached the Championship playoff final and a chance at promotion to the Premier League after beating Leicester in the most stunning way possible. Leicester took a 1-0 lead into the second leg of the semifinal tie, but Watford came back at their home ground. With the aggregate score at 2-2 deep into injury time, Leicester were awarded a penalty for very soft foul/dive from Antony Knockaert and that's when things took a turn for the unbelievable.

[Also: Stoke players ‘decorate’ Owen’s Mercedes as retirement present]

The Foxes' advancement was virtually a sure thing as Knockaert just had to convert the penalty to seal the win, but former Arsenal keeper Manuel Almunia changed all that by making the save and then also saving his follow-up attempt. As the home fans celebrated, the ball was cleared up the pitch and Watford instantly composed themselves to mount a counter attack. A cross was played in to Jonathan Hogg, who headed the ball towards the penalty spot, where Troy Deeney drove in the winning goal in the 97th minute.

Everyone lost their minds. Watford manager Gianfranco Zola got run over by a member of his own staff, but kept on celebrating. Leicester's players were understandably stunned and Sky Sports' commentator couldn't get his words straight. Here's his perfectly bewildered call...

Watford will now play the winner of Brighton & Hove Albion v Crystal Palace in the final for a place in the Premier League while Leicester are left to wonder how that series of events could have possibly happened in real life.

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Sir Alex Ferguson's final home match at Old Trafford played out in the most Alex Ferguson way possible. Starting with a unified guard of honor from the players and staff of both Man United and Swansea, a smiling Ferguson took his seat on the bench while the home fans all waved their plastic "Champions 2013" flags and Wayne Rooney watched in exile from the executive suite prison cell. Instead of immediately chomping a wad of gum to death, he seemed a bit more relaxed. But being two matches away from retirement and just 90 minutes away from lifting the Premier League trophy for the 13th time will do that.

Chicharito scored the match's first goal in the 39th minute to give Ferguson a familiar 1-0 lead. Swansea's Michu did his best to try and taint the day by equalizing shortly after halftime. In the end, that old Ferguson magic won out as Rio Ferdinand scored in the 87th minute — his first goal in five years — to give Man United a 2-1 victory.

After the final whistle, Ferguson took the microphone and gaveFerguson paid tribute to Paul Scholes, who also announced he will be retiring for the second time at the end of the season. He also called for the fans to stand by incoming manager David Moyes just as the club did for him.

Here's his speech in full (via The Mirror):

"I have absolutely no script in my mind. I'm just going to ramble on and hope I get to the core of what this football club has meant to me.

"Thank you to Manchester United, not just the directors, coaching staff, medical staff, the players, the fans, all of you - you have been the most fantastic experience of my life, so thank you.

"I've been very fortunate. I have been able to manage some of the greatest players in the country, let alone Manchester United.

"All the players here today have represented this club the proper way. They won the championship in a fantastic fashion, so well done to the players.

"My retirement doesn't mean the end of my time at the club. I'll now be able to enjoy watching them, rather than suffer with them.

"But, if you think about it, the last-minute goals, the comebacks, even the defeats, are all part of this great football club of ours. It's been an unbelievable experience for all of us, so thank you for that.

"I'd also like to remind you that when I had bad times here the club stood by me. All my staff stood by me, the players stood by me, you stood by me, and your job now is to stand by our new manager. That is important.

"Before I start blubbing, I just want to pay tribute to Paul Scholes, who retires today. He has been unbelievable, one of the greatest players this club has had and will ever have. I wish him a happy retirement. I would also like to say a little word wishing Darren Fletcher a speedy return to our club.

"To the players, I wish them every success in the future. You know how good you are, you know the jersey you are wearing, you know what it means to everyone here and don't ever let yourselves down.

"The expectation is always there, so I'm going inside now for a while, but before I go I'd like to say thank you from the whole Ferguson family - and all 11 grandchildren! Thank you."

From there, the only thing left to do was give him the trophy that he has won more than anyone else. Instead of the club's captains lifting the trophy, they let Ferguson do it himself one last time. Unless he decides to come out of retirement six months from now.

Following Celtic's 4-0 win against St. Johntstone, they were awarded the trophy for making easy work of the Scottish Premier League. At one point, Celtic manager Neil Lennon took the trophy over to the stands, pulled his winner's medal off his neck and handed it to a young girl in the stands.

It was a move reminiscent of when Jose Mourinho chucked his Chelsea 2006 winner's medal into the stands at Stamford Bridge, but more of a tender moment than a display of swaggering brashness. Lennon, of course, already has a Scottish Premier League winner's medal from last season. Judging by the girl's reaction, she's going to give this year's medal a good home.

While trying to avoid relegation yet again in the Premier League, Wigan completed a massive upset against Manchester City to win their first FA Cup. With the score still 0-0, City defender Pablo Zabaleta was sent off in the 84th minute for a bad challenge on Callum McManaman. With the man advantage, Wigan's only substitute, Ben Watson, scored the match's only goal in the first minute of injury time to give his side the unexpected silverware.

Before the match began, there was a fresh round of speculation about City manager Roberto Mancini's job security and losing to Wigan in the FA Cup final probably didn't help his cause. For Wigan chairman Dave Whelan, who will tell anyone who will listen that he broke his leg while playing for Blackburn in their 1960 FA Cup final loss to Wolverhampton, it was literally a dream come true. From ITV:

"I thought we would get Man City in the final and win 1-0," he said on ITV Sport. "The dream has come true. I'm repaid for 1960 when I broke my leg and we lost the match."

Wigan won't have much time to celebrate this momentous occasion as they face Arsenal on Tuesday in the first of the two matches they have left to save themselves from relegation. But until then, it's time to party. Here are some pictures from the match...

With his contract up at the end of the season, Frank Lampard broke Chelsea's all-time scoring record with a brace in their 2-1 win against Aston Villa. The win virtually ensures a place in the Champions League for Chelsea next season and Lampard's two goals earned him a ride atop goalkeeper Petr Cech's shoulders.

Lampard broke Bobby Tambling's record of 202 goals scored for the club, where he played between 1959 and 1970.

From Reuters:

"It's great to get the record, especially in an important game," Lampard, who has 607 appearances for Chelsea, told the BBC.

"I'm hoping I'll be here, and at the end of the season we'll get a decision on that.

"Today was really nice not only personally but it got us into the Champions League, and a club like Chelsea need to compete at that level. Strange things have happened at this club over the years but the one constant is the success.

"The manager situation has been pretty clear for a while now so the manager and the players want to make the best of the situation. I hope to be here next year. We've got a huge week coming up and hopefully at the end of that week we can sit down and sort it out."

Aston Villa goal machine Christian Benteke opened the scoring in the 14th minute and the first half ended even worse for Chelsea when Ramires was sent off for a second booking. Benteke was then sent off himself in the 58th minute, putting each side at 10 men. Lampard scored his first goal two minutes later and added the winner in the 88th minute. As he often does, he dedicated his goals to his mother, who passed away in 2008.

"I have been here a long time ... I lost my mum a few years ago and she was my biggest supporter, so it's for her," Lampard told Sky Sports.

"It means everything, it's amazing. The support I've had from my team-mates, I think you can see that there at the end, and I am thankful to every one of them because they are the ones who put it on the plate for me sometimes.

"And the fans have all been willing me to do it for a long time and have probably been frustrated alongside me not getting there."

If/when Jose Mourinho returns to Chelsea, this could just be the beginning for the 34-year-old Lampard.

Chelsea's top nine all-time goal scorers:

Frank Lampard 203
Bobby Tambling 202
Kerry Dixon 193
Didier Drogba 157
Roy Bentley 150
Peter Osgood 150
Jimmy Greaves 132
George Mills 125
George Hilsdon 108

In honor of Sir Alex Ferguson's announcement this week that he will retire at the end of the season, Soccer AM shared never before seen video of the legendary manager doing something he'll now have plenty of time for. Filmed at his charity golf dinner in 2011, the clip shows Ferguson on stage with a band, wearing a Scottish hat with fake red hair.

The band performs The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" and Ferguson dances to the beat before attempting to sing along. "Attempting" being the key word there. Ferguson finishes off the tune by pretending to play the keyboard and then going into the start of The Bonnie Banks o' Loch Lomond. Expect to see all of this and more in a pub near you when he goes on tour next season.

Werder Bremen have denied Eintracht Frankfurt supporters' odd request to bring a concert xylophone into the away section of the Weserstadion for Saturday's Bundesliga match. Since traveling fans in Germany must get the home club's approval on items brought into the stadium for matches, the xylophone somehow made it onto the list. Bremen approved the usual megaphones, flags and drums, but the xylophone was not allowed.

From ESPN:

When the news broke late on Tuesday that Frankfurt supporters were not allowed to take any xylophones to Bremen, Frankfurt fans on the official club board laughed in disbelief, with one writing: "Xylophones are a thing of the past. Real away thugs bring their fipple flutes."

Frankfurt's fan liaison officer explained that Bremen feared that a full-scale xylophone could block emergency exits. Bremen's head of security added that he had never heard of fans trying to bring a concert xylophone into a stadium in his 20 years of doing the job.

You might be able to ban the xylophones of Frankfurt, Werder Bremen. But you can't silence the soothing twinkle of the xylophone music in their hearts.

Perhaps anticipating a less than entertaining match, Manchester City published an FA Cup final bingo board on their official website to help keep viewers alert as they play Wigan. The club enlisted the proprietor of Football Cliches to put the board together (which has become something of an Internet cliche itself) and the result is a cross-section of the familiar moments and phrases that will inevitably play out.

Have a look...

You should be able to complete the entire board within the first 30 minutes of the game, so here are a few other things to watch/listen for:

-More references to Sir Alex Ferguson retiring than to Wigan.
-"David versus Goliath."
-Roberto Martinez job speculation.
-Roberto Mancini job speculation.
-"Two Robertos!"
-Your own inner thoughts on how much you wish Mario Balotelli was taking part in the match.
-Your own mild surprise when Balotelli interrupts the match by doing donuts on the pitch in a go-kart while dressed as Toad from Mario Kart before driving back to Italy.
-Reference to Liverpool's cream-colored 1996 FA Cup final suits.
-"Noisy neighbors."
-Disinterested royals.
-Suggestions that Kate Middleton's baby should be named after Maynor Figueroa.
-David Moyes.
-Carlos Tevez looking constipated.

Warning: video contains graphic injury caused by idiotic footballer

Sparta Prague lost 2-1 to Mladá Boleslav in the Czech Republic Cup on Sunday night, but the result was overshadowed by a terrible studs-up tackle by Sparta striker Leonard Kweuke.

The Cameroonian let the ball get away from him as he advanced down the left wing in the second half, giving Boleslav defender Radek Dosoudil the chance to clear it out of touch. However, Kweuke foiled that plan by planting a horrific two-footed lunge on Dosoudil's shin, causing a double fracture of the tibia and fibula. Unsurprisingly, the 25-year-old was issued a straight red.

According to Give Me Football, the Disciplinary Committee of the Czech Federation issued Kweuke with a 12-match ban for his career-threatening tackle. Yet he is much better off than his victim, who will be in rehabilitation for the next 12 months.

This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events.

H/T: 101gg

This year marks the 90th anniversary of the first FA Cup final at Wembley between Bolton and West Ham — a scene we're unlikely to ever see again unless the zombie apocalypse happens and it turns out they really like football. So ahead of the final between Wigan and Man City on Saturday, let's take a look back at some truly wonderful images from the 1923 final.

The Empire Stadium at Wembley (which became Wembley Stadium) was built for the 1924 British Empire Exhibition and its very first event was the 1923 FA Cup final. The world's oldest association football competition had already been around for 52 years at this point and with a London club taking part in the final, there was hope that the locals could fill the 127,000-capacity stadium. The size of the crowd that arrived on the day of the match was far beyond what anyone expected, though.

Tickets were sold before the match, but were also made available at the turnstiles, and since the stadium was so easily accessible, hordes of people swarmed the venue on the day of the final. The unprepared stewards and undermanned police presence were outmatched by the massive crowd, so the stadium's gates were closed before kickoff after a large number of people already made their way in. A short time later, as kickoff drew near, the crowd still outside invaded the stadium, forcing those already in the lower level of the ground to escape a potential crush to climb down onto the pitch, engulfing it in a sea of humanity.

The official attendance on the day was 126,047, but anywhere from 150,000 to over 300,000 people were actually in the stadium (the official all-time record for a match is held by the 1950 World Cup final between Brazil and Uruguay at the Maracana, which had an official attendance of 173,850 and an estimated 210,000 people actually present). By the time Bolton arrived for the match, they couldn't get anywhere near the stadium and had to abandon their bus and then walk a mile through the throngs of hopeful spectators.

Once both teams made it in and King George V had arrived to watch, the challenge became clearing the playing surface enough to actually play a match. Cops on horseback were tasked with the job of making room. One horse in particular — a grey steed named "Billie" that looked white in pictures and film footage — became the star of the day and gave the match its nickname, "The White Horse Final." Enamored by the horse and the appeals of its rider, eventually did as they were told.

From TheFA.com:

Its rider, PC George Scorey, recalled the scene in a BBC Radio interview…

“The horse was very good, easing them back with his nose and his tail until we got the crowd back along one of the goal-lines.

"We continued up the touch-lines until some of them got a bit stubborn. ‘Don’t you want to see the game?’ I said. They said ‘Yes’ and I said ‘So do I. Now those in front join hands.’ Then I gave the word to heave and they went back, step by step, until they reached the line.”

Thanks to the efforts of Billie, PC Scorey and pleas from the players, the crowd was pushed back just beyond the touchline and the match amazingly began 45 minutes after its scheduled kickoff.

Given the conditions, playing a proper game of football was difficult and it turned out they could've used some goal-line technology, as well.

It was virtually impossible to observe the laws of the game. When a player took a corner kick, for example, the crowd was so close to the touch-line that he could not take his run until a policeman had forced people away from that corner of the field.

But Bolton managed to score within three minutes of the kick-off, David Jack smashing the ball past Hammers ‘keeper Ted Hufton.

The Lancashire side increased their lead in the second half, when Ted Vizard’s cross was volleyed against the underside of the bar by Jack ‘JR’ Smith. The referee, David Asson from West Bromwich, ruled that the ball had crossed the line before rebounding back into play. It happened so quickly that most of the crowd were unaware that a goal had been scored.

Bolton beat second-division West Ham (who won promotion to the first division shortly thereafter) 2-0 — a result many in the stadium couldn't see. Yet "only" 22 people had to be taken to the hospital for injuries.

In the wake of the match, the stadium was better fortified and the FA decided it was probably a good idea to require that tickets must be pre-purchased before gaining entry to future finals.

And finally, here's some excellent footage of the match: