NHL season previews often sell you an impressive bill of goods before you realize, at the end of the season, you're holding an empty box. Which makes using advertisements and infomercials the appropriate template for Puck Daddy's 2009-10 NHL Season Previews, presented each day throughout September.

Last Season's Ad Copy (See Also, Ducks Eulogy): Eighth in the Western Conference, (42-33-7, 91 points); lost in the conference semifinals to the Detroit Red Wings in seven games. The Anaheim Ducks went on an unconscious 10-2-1 roll to close the season and snatch the No. 8 seed, guaranteeing them the opportunity to pound their state rivals from San Jose into gelatinous goo in a first-round upset.

Round 2 saw the Ducks receive stellar goaltending from Jonas Hiller(notes) in pushing Detroit to the brink, along with such memorable moments as the officials jobbing Marian Hossa(notes) out of a goal in Game 3 and GM Bob Murray smacking a lady with furniture after losing Game 7 to the Wings.

That would be Murray's second-most peculiar of moment 2009, ranking right behind when Joffrey Lupul(notes) was traded for Chris Pronger(notes). Again.

Latest Gadgets (Offseason Additions): The Pronger trade to the Philadelphia Flyers brought back Lupul and defenseman Luca Sbisa(notes), an associate of the Corleone family who played in 39 games last season. Lupul could provide vital secondary scoring for the Ducks in his second tour of duty with the franchise, when he's not making reality television cameos on shows like the ironically titled "Sober House."

It's possible Lupul will line up with the coup of the summer for the Ducks: Former Montreal Canadiens captain Saku Koivu(notes) (16 goals, 50 points in 65 games), who spurned other offers to ink a one-year deal with Anaheim so he and Teemu Selanne(notes) can trade recipes for smoked fish. 

Having taken a hit on their blueline, the Ducks signed former Florida Panthers defenseman Nick Boynton(notes) to a one-year deal because of his physical presence and because he's such a team player. Speaking of physical, the Ducks traded Drew Miller(notes) to Tampa for linebacker-on-skates Evgeny Artyukhin(notes), a right winger who, for the record, does speak English. He'll join Ryan Carter(notes), Todd Marchant(notes) (a smart, underrated re-signing), George Parros(notes) and destroyer of Hudlers Mike Brown to fill out the forwards. 

To The Recycle Bin (Offseason Subtractions): In Pronger, the Ducks lose their sixth-leading scorer and leading skater in time on ice (26:56 per game). But they also lose a $6.25 million cap hit, a guy that would have skated away anyway next summer; and, of course, a suspension waiting to happen.

Francois Beauchemin's(notes) departure to the Maple Leafs hurts too, but the Ducks weren't matching a $3.8 million cap hit and Brian Burke's powers of persuasion (which, when quantified, equal a $3.8 million cap hit).

The Pitchman (Top Offensive Player): Ryan Getzlaf(notes). His first season over 90 points (25 goals and 66 assists) and a star-making playoff performance (18 points in 13 games). The team relied on him, and he came through, providing the engine for his line with offensive soulmate Corey Perry(notes) (32-40-72) and rookie Bobby Ryan(notes) (31-26-57 in 64 games). Sure, his July 29 surgery to repair a torn abdominal muscle is a concern. But he's coming into his own to the point where a Hart Trophy could be within reach; at the very least, he's heating up the old "who's the best player in the 2003 draft class?" argument ... even if, inevitably, he's looking more and more like he was drafted in 1993.

Introducing .... (Potential Breakout Player): Bobby Ryan. Hardly a surprise considering his Calder Trophy-nominated season of 31 goals and 57 points, but probably one more stellar season away from never having to hear about Sidney Crosby's draft position again. Another potential breakout, Andrew Ebbett(notes), could see his numbers (32 points in 48 games) dip a bit with Koivu cementing himself as the No. 2 center.

Operators Are Standing By (The Defensemen): If you had to choose one guy this season for a run at the Stanley Cup, would you choose Scott Niedermayer(notes) or Chris Pronger? The Ducks chose Niedermayer: Their third-leading scorer, an outstanding captain and the best argument in hockey against coloring your beard.

The additions of Ryan Whitney(notes) and James Wisniewski(notes) last season now seem especially shrewd for Murray after the Pronger trade: Whitney for his all-around game and ability to fill the power-play hole left by Pronger; and Wisniewski as a burgeoning heart-and-soul player on the blueline. Boynton and Sheldon Brookbank(notes) bring the muscle; Luca Sbisa, Steve McCarthy(notes), Brett Festerling(notes), Brendan Mikkelson(notes) and Brian Salcido(notes) are all in the mix for gigs, too. Mikkelson, for the record, loads a mean dishwasher.

The Spokesmodel (The Goalies): It's not an easy position to dissect, because it's not easy to deal with Jean-Sebastien Giguere's(notes) 2008-09 campaign. He lost his father. He posted his worst numbers in a decade. And after fighting off challenges from other backups during his Anaheim career, he finally lost his job to one: Jonas Hiller, whose 2.39 GAA and .919 save percentage don't begin to explain how crucial he was to the team last season.

Hiller's in the last year of his deal, and Giguere has two left at $6 million cap hit. The assumption is that it's Hiller's job to lose heading into camp. Oh, and don't forget about Leafs castoff Justin Pogge. Or go ahead and forget him. It really doesn't matter.

And Now, a Short Message From George Parros:

The Inventor (The Coach): Some had Randy Carlyle on the chopping block as early as Game No. 4 last season, but that's nothing new. He's usually on some soon-to-be-fired list until he ends up the playoffs and starts gleefully picking off "better" teams. It's Year 5 for him in Anaheim; he'll no doubt be on the "watch list" for coaches yet again. 

Earl Sleek, Battle of California, says ... 

"The story for this year's Anaheim Ducks will be surviving the post-Pronger curse -- one that kept the Whalers, the Blues, and the Oilers out of the playoffs for years after trading away Captain Elbows. 

"The Ducks' offense looks stacked, with the additions of Koivu and Lupul, plus another year in the development of young stars Getzlaf, Perry, and Ryan.  The blue line will have loads of minutes to fill with the departures of Pronger and Beauchemin (aside from Scott Niedermayer, Brett Festerling becomes the defenseman who has played the most regular season games in a Ducks uniform).  And then there's the question of goaltending -- will Hiller be as good as he was last year?  Will Giguere be as mediocre as he was last year?  Hang on and find out." 

 Josh Brewster, Host of "Duck Calls" postgame radio show, says ... 

"Saku Koivu fills a need at second line center, while natural shooter Joffrey Lupul returns to the club that drafted him. The trade of Chris Pronger yielded high picks plus defensive prospect Luca Sbisa; Nick Boynton fills the gap created by Francois Beauchemin's exit.

"Overall, while the defense adapts to new faces, the Ducks' offense will be better and its goaltending remains top-notch, with healthy competition between Jonas Hiller and J-S Giguere. A deep playoff run is again in the cards."

Don Draper Says ...

"Anaheim isn't just a hockey team; it's the aching in your arm after a bully punches you, or the quiet sniffle of a child when she realizes her favorite team was defeated by a team from a Walt Disney picture. This isn't about six professionals and a rubber disc, gentlemen ... it's a thread in the fabric of America."

2009-10 Preseason Report Card:

Forwards: B+
Defense: B
Goaltending: B+
Special Teams: B (Stellar power-play, kill ranked 23rd last season)
Coaching: B+
Management: B

Results May Vary (Biggest Issues Facing the Team): Can Koivu and Selanne provide the secondary scoring behind what is, admittedly, one of the best trios in the NHL? Will Jonas Hiller be the No. 1 goalie he was down the stretch; and if not, can Giguere return to form to save the day?

Warranty Expires (Prediction): Second in the Pacific Division and a playoff team in the Western Conference.

The scoring should be better balanced with Lupul and Koivu. Another team would have been crippled by losing Beauchemin and Pronger from the blueline. The Ducks return a solid top four, and enough young potential starters to fill out the unit. Too much talent throughout the lineup to fail, with the added bonus of Niedermayer and Selanne giving it everything in a career-concluding push for Stanley.

Related: Goons and Pugilism, Puck Videos, Season Previews 2009-10