Today's installment of "Headlines I Never Thought I'd Write, But Here We Are," brings us to this New York Times story on the inventor and progenitor of college basketball, James Naismith, who wasn't just progressive about inventing sports. No, Naismith had all sorts of experiments he thought might one day change the face of medical science. The best one? His idea that if he could somehow find a way to make babies taller, he could find more successful basketball players. Hence: baby-stretching.

No, seriously. Baby-stretching.

A minister as well as a medical doctor, he quickly realized that taller players had an advantage in basketball and wondered if there was a way to stretch babies to make them grow taller. Naismith actually conducted experiments on a machine he invented.

In 1907, he said his theory was that “the body is more or less elastic” and that “by stretching the body 30 minutes a day for six months, it will lengthen two inches.” He thought the best time to stretch individuals was from 5 months to a year old. He was worried that an individual might grow too quickly, and there would be no way to stop it from happening.

It sounds pretty ridiculous until you remember that 1907 was still before we had any sort of useful medical science to speak of. Hospitals barely existed. Doctors attempted to relieve symptoms rather than cure diseases. If you got sick, you would probably die. Modern advances in medical science were basically unheard of; you could still get away with selling tonic water and calling it medicine. So "baby-stretching," which makes Naismith sound like a crazy person to me, probably wasn't all that awful, given the surrounding medical environment. Hey, let's stretch some babies! What's the worst that could happen? OK, so it sounds crazy no matter what the era. I concede the point.

But when anyone gave Naismith a hard time, all he had to do was remind them that he had an awesome mustache and also CREATED BASKETBALL, and they'd have to immediately shut up. Because duh: basketball is awesome. So yay for James Naismith. Even if he was a crazy baby-stretcher.

Related: Peculiarity