From the Marbles - NASCAR

From the Marbles

Wed Nov 04, 2009 11:03 am EST

They make it 'cause we buy it: The Jimmie Johnson gnome

By Jay Busbee

No sport offers up a more bewildering array of souvenir crap memorabilia than NASCAR, and They Make It digs deep into the corners of the Internet to bring all that strangeness to light. Today: the finest in high-quality eyewear.

The item: The Jimmie Johnson gnome, $19.99 from CBS Sports Store

The deal: Friends, I think we've done it. I think we've cracked the code. I think we now know why Jimmie Johnson is the most dominant NASCAR driver of the modern era:

It's the gnome! It's this little guy who's bringing luck to Jimmie and woe to his mates! Seriously, look at that little ugly guy, with his bulbous nose and his not-quite-Santa-esque beard. He just screams menace, doesn't he? Just imagine waking up and seeing that guy standing on the end of your bed. Would freak you out something fierce, right? Now imagine if that guy was everywhere you were trying to be, all up in your head. Friends, after detailed review of photographic evidence, that's exactly what seems to be happening. Look below ... if you dare.

Mark Martin awaits the race, blissfully unaware he's being watched ... and stalked.

"Look, honey, Ella's found a toy ... NO! ELLA! NO! GET AWAY!!!!"

I feel rather certain that if you dug into your own photo files, you might find a gnome or two secreted away. Oh, and thanks to Art Tidesco for this find. If you've got gnome pics of your own -- or any other NASCARiana -- send it to jay.busbee@yahoo.com.

Related: Mark Martin, Jimmie Johnson

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17 Comments

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  1. Dani
    1. Posted by Dani Wed Nov 04, 2009 12:25 pm EST

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    Mark Martin is the original Gnome. Just look at his face. He's in disguise now {he shaved his beard off and colored his hair brown.}
  2. NostraChronus
    2. Posted by NostraChronus Wed Nov 04, 2009 12:59 pm EST

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    no picture of the gnome whispering into Jeff Gordon's ear to go to the Nascar hauler and ask that bump-drafting be disallowed in the corners at Talladega? Could it be that Martinsville was not the former champ's coup de grace in terms of whining about beating and banging?
  3. cg5995
    3. Posted by cg5995 Wed Nov 04, 2009 2:01 pm EST

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    I want one of those for Christmas, it will look great in my garden come springtime!!
  4. brinirmess
    4. Posted by brinirmess Wed Nov 04, 2009 2:52 pm EST

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    I would like to give that gnome a swift kick to Never-Never-Land
  5. miss priss
    5. Posted by miss priss Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:45 pm EST

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    brini - wouldn't you like to say "drive that gnome home"
  6. Jim T.
    6. Posted by Jim T. Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:27 pm EST

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    I think I'll get Brini a couple of them for Christmas.
  7. cg5995
    7. Posted by cg5995 Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:53 pm EST

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    Dani I told my son awhile ago that Mark Martin looked like one of my garden gnomes lol
    JimT I dare you, you would look pretty funny with one sticking out of each end of you!!
  8. Willy Doer
    8. Posted by Willy Doer Wed Nov 04, 2009 10:20 pm EST

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    Hey JimT...Brin said she needed a couple of em.... One to sh_t on, and the other to cover it up with! LOL
  9. RICK C
    9. Posted by RICK C Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:45 am EST

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    Let it be gnome, I won't buy one.
  10. brinirmess
    10. Posted by brinirmess Thu Nov 05, 2009 7:16 am EST

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    No, I would really use them. My bull pees all over my garden stones and kills plants every year. I would definetely enjoy having one. Nothing could be sweeter than a porch swing, a cup of java, and seeing JJ getting pissed on daily. Now as cg stated, I'd find another use for the other one. A trip to Ky anyone? Any ideas on which orifice itty would get Jimmy?
  11. Jim T.
    11. Posted by Jim T. Thu Nov 05, 2009 7:33 am EST

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    cg- I think she would really like it. Do they have a matching Chad Knaus gnome?
    Willy- I hear the Tony Stewart gnome is a lot bigger(32 lbs) and has a removable head. She would only need one of those.
  12. Jim T.
    12. Posted by Jim T. Thu Nov 05, 2009 8:22 am EST

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    Brini- I have to ask whats your bull doing in your garden? Why don't you put him in the house where he can't get in the garden. LMAO Do you think that bull pi$$ would work better than the vodoo pins?
  13. Willy Doer
    13. Posted by Willy Doer Thu Nov 05, 2009 9:53 am EST

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    JimT- LOL
    Brin- I just drove through Ky on my way back from Indiana....just missed it!
  14. brinirmess
    14. Posted by brinirmess Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:49 pm EST

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    Jim- Bull dog, and he like to piss on POS. So yeh, send me one.
  15. Oliver Klosov
    15. Posted by Oliver Klosov Thu Nov 05, 2009 4:03 pm EST

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    haha... haha..haha... ummmmmmmmmmm just not funny....
  16. cg5995
    16. Posted by cg5995 Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:35 pm EST

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    Hey Brini, Im bettin it would be the bottom orifice lol
  17. brinirmess
    17. Posted by brinirmess Fri Nov 06, 2009 7:24 am EST

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    You think cg ? Good bet!

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