Welcome back to Pit Chatter, where we learn the truth about what goes on behind the scenes with your favorite drivers. Today: the name game.

[Scene: The Hendrick secret lair. Jimmie Johnson, Jeff Gordon and Mark Martin are sitting in thick, comfortable leather chairs watching a 120-inch plasma flatscreen television. Ken Burns' Civil War documentary is on.]

Mark Martin: Okay, wait for it ... wait for it ... THERE! There I am! See? On the fourth horse to the left!

Jimmie Johnson: Who sponsored that horse, Mark?

Mark Martin: See, that's just silly. Sponsoring a horse? That just makes no sense. Not even funny.

Jimmie Johnson: Couldn't line up a sponsor, could you?

Mark Martin: [sighs] Nope. Fat Jack's Hardtack said I was too old.

Jeff Gordon: People can be so cruel.

[Dale Earnhardt Jr. bursts into the room.]

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Howdy, boys!

Jimmie Johnson: Good lord, Dale! What's that on your face?

Dale Earnhardt Jr. [patting his face]: What? My face?

[Jeff takes one look at Dale's face and starts crying. Mark pats him on the shoulder.]

Mark Martin: There, there, laddie. Dale, son, your face -- it's all wrinkled and scrunched. Looks a whole lot like the skin on my --

Jimmie Johnson: That'll do, Mark.

Mark Martin: -- backside!

Jimmie Johnson: Ugh. You went there.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Wrinkled ... ? [He runs his hands over his face, then nods.] Oh, I gotcha. Fellas, this is a smile!

Jimmie Johnson: Of course. Been so long since we've seen one on you, we thought you'd been in a wreck or something.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Not in the last couple days. Fellas, I'm smiling because I got great news! I got into the Hall of Fame!

[Silence as the other three drivers look uncomfortably at each other.]

Jimmie Johnson: Um, Dale, I don't think you got in ...

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: No, I did! It was the Frances, and Richard Petty, and Junior Johnson, and me!

Jeff Gordon: Oh, boy.

[Mark Martin begins whistling a Civil War-era tune.]

Jimmie Johnson: Dale, I'm not sure how to tell you this. You didn't get in.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Sure I did. Dale Earnhardt. Everybody heard it.

Jimmie Johnson: Dale ... they were talking about your dad.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Daddy? Huh. I thought it was kind of weird that I got in already, before you guys, but I wasn't going to say anything.

Mark Martin: Well, son, winning isn't everything.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Winning?

Jimmie Johnson: It isn't?

Mark Martin: It's like I told George Washington Jr. -- if you want to escape your father's shadow, you've got to go create your own! Make your own name great, even if you have to change it!

Jeff Gordon: What did George Washington Jr. change his name to?

Mark Martin: Milford Hodgepot.

Jimmie Johnson: Never heard of him.

Mark Martin: Yeah, the system doesn't always work the way it's supposed to. Point is, Junior, if you want to make the Hall of Fame without coasting on the Earnhardt name, you're going to have to do something different.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Something different ... [Junior thinks for a long time, then snaps his fingers.] Got it! Thanks, guys! [He dashes out of the compound.]

Jimmie Johnson: If the boy needs wins, I could've given him a few of mine. They're making a real mess in the house.

Jeff Gordon: Shut up.

[Cut to driver introductions on Saturday night at Lowe's Motor Speedway. Jimmie, Jeff and Mark are already out, having entered to varying degrees of cheers and boos. And then the strains of Snoop Dogg's "What's My Name?" begin wafting over the audience.]

Jimmie Johnson: Oh no.

Announcer: AND NOW ... DRIVING THE NO. 88 AMP ENERGY CHEVY ... WELCOME DALE FRANCE!

[The other Hendrick drivers shake their heads in disbelief as Dale points at them and grins wider than he has all year.]

Jeff Gordon: Got to give him credit. If there's a name that'll get him into the Hall faster than Earnhardt ...

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