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Big League Stew

Mon Nov 09 11:12am EST

Not to worry, Sammy Sosa is just rejuvenating his skin

By 'Duk

It looks like we finally have an explanation behind that widely-circulated picture in which Sammy Sosa(notes) appears as a combination of a Twilight extra, a big Charlie Chaplin fan and someone who is taking the death of Michael Jackson just a little bit too hard. 

According to a friend of Sosa's, the former Cubs slugger is (thankfully) not suffering from Vitiligo or another type of disease. Sosa's appearance, rather, is a result of an elective "rejuvenation process" for his skin and he was apparently "surprised" when he came out looking whiter than his old home run buddy, Mark McGwire.

The Chicago Tribune has more:

"He's not trying to be Michael Jackson," said former Cubs employee Rebecca Polihronis, who talks frequently with Sosa.

"He is going through a rejuvenation process for his skin. Women have it all of the time. He was surprised he came out looking so white. I thought it was a body double. Part of (the photo appearance) is just the lighting.

"He is in the middle of doing a cleansing process to his skin. The picture is deceiving. He said, 'If you saw me in person, you would be surprised. When you see me in person, it is not going to seem like the picture ... People who saw him in person did not react the same way. He can't believe it is such a big deal."

Sosa may say he's not as white as he appears or that it's not a big deal, but that doesn't change the fact the whole process is creepier than "Mad Men's" Pete Campbell.

As our own Dave Brown points out, Sosa has started wearing green contact lenses and it's possible that all his money and ego are conspiring to turn him into a Dominican version of Jerry Jones, Wayne Newton or Joan Rivers. That's a pretty scary thought.

Of course, this wouldn't be the first time Sosa has tried to achieve better living through chemistry, so should it really shock us that he's trying to rejuvenate an already-resilient organ with a process normally reserved for vain women? What a strange dude.

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