Some notes: this is a moderated chat, which means your comments don't automatically get through as soon as you type them. Intelligent questions and funny one-liners work well; shout-outs and "WHY CAN'T I SEE WHAT I'M TYPING" don't.

So get ready to waste your next two lunch hours. See you at 11:30!

Yahoo! Sports' Brian Murphy: Ernie Els, Phil Mickelson, Sergio Garcia
The nine dudes at CBS: Eight different players. Only Sergio mentioned twice.
Sports Illustrated: Sergio Garcia, Jim Furyk, Lee Westwood
Golfweek.com: Sergio Garcia, Ernie Els
Deadspin: An unknown like Andres Romero, Lee Westwood and Nick Dougherty
ESPN.com's Jason Sobel: Jim Furyk, Sergio Garcia, Robert Karlsson
PGA Tour.com: Bart Bryant, Matt Kuchar, Doug Labelle II
Golf Observer: A past Major winner with a strong record in British Opens

Over in the betting column, Sergio is getting 10-1 odds, with Phil Mickelson (12-1), Padraig Harrington (15-1), and Justin Rose (20-1) following closely behind.

So, consensus is that pretty much everyone thinks this is Sergio's year. Nice as that would be, Sergio doesn't often bear up well under that kind of pressure. (Rumors and Rants has more on this issue, with a touch of that salty NSFW language.) We're approaching the ten-year anniversary of the Van De Velde debacle; let's hope for Sergio's sake that there's no similar meltdown in the works for this weekend. And when it's all said and done, let's make sure to check this post to see how well our pundits fared.

My pick? I'll say Adam Scott, just because nobody else has.

And so when Kenny Perry, the hottest golfer on the planet Earth at the moment – I say that because Phil Mickelson is slumping and is from Pluto – had to make a big decision recently, I waited breathlessly. I use the word "breathlessly" because my son Dennis is fat and was sitting on my chest. (The weight problem doesn't bother me as much as the fact that he's 37 and still collects Beanie Babies.)

Anyway, here was Perry's dilemma:

With a victory in last week's big PGA tournament, the Mule Deer Open or something like that, Perry got an invitation to this week's British Open. This is one of golf's majors and will be played at Royal Birkdale in England (proud national motto: "Taking A Big Mouthful of Warm Beer and Not Spraying It Back Out of Our Nose Like Most People Would").

However, Perry had already told officials he'd play in the PGA event this week in Milwaukee ("Gateway to Oshkosh"). Footnote: I love Milwaukee, home of my alma mater – Marquette University. It's because of those four years in Milwaukee that I say now, with great pride, that I am currently No. 14 on the National Liver Transplant Waiting List.

The point is, Perry – who has won three of his last five tournaments – chose the U.S. Bank Championship in Milwaukee over the British Open.

And he is being grilled like a bratwurst on a cool Kenosha evening in mid-September, whatever the hell that means.

From Perry, who also won the Memorial this year and is now ranked second behind Tiger Woods in the FedEx standings: "I committed to all these tournaments when I was ranked 100th in the world. And now all of a sudden I've won twice. I'm not going to back out on them."

Pretty admirable.

Or not.

"To the best of my knowledge you can't win if you don't play," snapped Jim Furyk. "I'd have a difficult time staying home when I had a chance to play in a major."
And from England's Justin Rose, at Royal Birkdale: "He's arguably the best player in the world right now and I find it amazing he's not here. I couldn't imagine opting out of majors. It's what I want to judge myself on by the end of my career."

There are, of course, other measuring sticks.

"I don't want to live in a fishbowl," said Perry, 47. "I don't want Tiger status. My goal was never to be a superstar. I just wanted to make a living and support my kids."

So instead of blasting him, countrymate Furyk and Englishman Rose might want to salute Perry this week. Perhaps they could acknowledge a guy with some principles. Perhaps they could even raise a glass, make a toast and take a big gulp of beer.

Although if I were Rose I'd stay at least 10 feet away from Furyk's nose.

Eubanks: Perry isn't at Birkdale for one simple reason: He doesn't feel he can win. And at this stage in his career, he isn't playing for show. Also, by the time you hit your late 40s, eight-hour flights, five-hour time differences and spotty restaurants cause the shoulders to slump and the chin to sag. He's not going because he has nothing to prove and would rather get ready for the PGA Championship, the Ryder Cup and a run at the FedEx Cup.

Arkush: Of course he can win. The way he's playing these days, he can win anywhere… against anybody. Furthermore, at this stage of his career, he should be playing in the oldest major of them all. At 47, he won't get many more opportunities. Ask Curtis Strange. Two decades later, the former U.S. Open champ still regrets that he skipped the British Open three times during his prime. I suspect Perry will feel the same way someday. There is plenty of time to get ready for the Ryder Cup. It's two months away!

Eubanks: Some players like links golf and others don't. Sam Snead and Ben Hogan didn't care for it. Neither came back after winning a British Open. Perry seems very comfortable with his decision to stay in the States this week, and we should respect that. Nobody knows his capabilities better than the player himself. If the man thinks it's in his best interest to skip the British, we should salute his decision and let it go.

Arkush: Salute him? Salute his decision, at the peak of his powers, to skip a great championship and tee it up instead in Milwaukee? That's outrageous. Perry will be on the Ryder Cup squad and he might even win the FedEx Cup, but because of this decision and his unwillingness to try to qualify last month for the Open at Torrey Pines, the victories won't be the only memories we have of Perry's 2008 season. We will also remember that he didn't take on the world's best in the biggest events.

Last week, brothers Davis and Hanks Massey, aged 9 and 11, respectively, pulled off a feat that borders on the unimaginable for golfers of all ages: They both hit holes-in-one in succession at the Par-3 third at TPC Sawgrass. (Couldn't do it on the Island Green, huh? Shame.)

How amazing is such an occurrence? This amazing:

The odds of two players in the same group making a hole-in-one have been estimated at 17 million-to-1 by Francis Scheid, a retired Boston University math professor who was commissioned by Golf Digest to calculate hole-in-one odds under various scenarios. The odds for a PGA Tour player have been pegged at 3,700-to-1 and a handicap golfer at about 13,000-to-1.

The odds at hitting the big prize in the Florida Lottery are about 22 million-to-1. Various Internet sites put the odds at being struck by lightning in Florida at 240,000-to-1 or being bit by a shark at 11 million-to-1.

Right now, some of you are thinking, "Wow, what an amazing couple of lads! What a heart-warming story!" And others of you, quite reasonably, are thinking, "What a load of ... " (We'll stop there. This is a family-friendly post, after all.)

So I checked with the writer of the story, Garry Smits at the Florida Times-Union. He thinks it's got the ring of truth, for three reasons. First, the kids' father, who watched the whole show, is PGA Tour Marketing Vice President Scott Massey, and in addition to the, uh, questionable judgment a PGA VP would show by lying about this, Smits said that a former colleague of his attested to Massey's upstanding character. Good to know.

Second, you can't just go out and blast a hole in one and expect the USGA to register it; it has to come as part of a legitimate round of either 9 or 18 holes. The Masseys were going out to goof around for a couple evening holes and happened to hit these shots, but in order to make them count, they had to be part of a full round. Problem was, darkness had already set in by the time they were done celebrating. So they contacted the USGA, found out that they could in fact resume the round the next morning, and thus went out and played holes 4 through 9 to make it a legitimate round.

Finally, as Smits says, "All of golf is an honor system. It would be hard to get three people to lie like this. Ultimately, we have to believe them."

[Jacksonville.com via Deadspin]

Got a tip / post / link for Devil Ball to check out? Click here to hit up Jay Busbee with the scoop.

Friends, we have reached that tipping point here. Farewell, Yahoo! Golf Experts Blog. Hello, Devil Ball Golf!

We at DBG plan to be your first and best source for all that's right in the world of golf -- the personalities, the amazing shots, the meltdowns, the golf-cart massacres. Our foursome includes Yahoo! Golf Editor Michael Arkush and writer Steve Eubanks, two guys who, between them, know everything there is to know about the game and its history. There's funnyman Rich Tosches, whose off-kilter take on the world of golf lets a lot of the hot air out of the game.

And then there's me, Jay Busbee. That's me there at right, rocking the godawful matador golf swing. I already run the NASCAR blog at Yahoo! Sports, and to answer the most common comments right off the bat: yes, I do get paid for this. And no, I couldn't come within twenty strokes of the golfers I'll be poking fun at here. Hell, probably thirty.

There's also you, dear reader. You're kind of like the gallery that gets to come inside the ropes and take a couple hacks every now and then. Seen a great golf story online? Had a wacky, once-in-a-lifetime round? Gotten bombed with John Daly and Kid Rock? Bring us in on it! Send us your links, photos, stories, suggestions, all-expenses-paid tournament entries, et cetera by clicking right here.

(Oh, and as for why "Devil Ball" -- Devil Ball's a best-ball-type game, where three players play as a team and the fourth plays his ball -- the "devil ball" -- all alone. Triumph or disaster, no middle ground. Appropriate, no?)

There are two kinds of golfers. There are the ones who test the wind, who fret over club selection and slope rating, who demand absolute silence when they address the ball. And then there are those who'll step up and hammer a tee shot right into the middle of those guys. Which foursome would you rather hang with?

But standing tall above them all is Rick Rhoden, the former Dodgers pitcher there at right who's now won seven of these bad boys with his performance on Sunday. Rhoden totaled 68 points in the Stableford scoring system: six points for eagle, three for birdie, one for par, none for bogey, and minus-2 for double-bogey or worse. (Barkley, the worst golfer on earth, totaled a minus-81.)

These celebrity deals are usually a lot of backslapping and fan-lovin', so it's good to see some celebs can actually play a decent game. (Rhoden won with a final-round 70.) Unfortunately, there's always drama; in this case, it came in the form of Tony Romo, who fell into a pond after a bunker shot during Saturday's action (which, for some reason, completely unhinged this particular writer). No word on whether Jessica Simpson was to blame for the splashdown, but Cowboys fans probably assume she was.

I'll announce exact times once we see what the pairings are this week. Get your questions, witty comments, and "Where's Tiger?" queries ready!

It's always good to take the pulse of the commentariat when writing a blog, and when you're writing a golf blog, there's no better way to see what people are thinking than to write a sharply angled Tiger Woods post. Writing a story about how Tiger Woods will soon be a billionaire fits the bill nicely. Tons n' tons of readers and 850-plus comments later, here is what we've learned from that post:

1. Tiger deserves his money.

2. Tiger doesn't deserve his money.

3. Communists have no sense of humor.

But let's dip a little deeper into the well, shall we? Let's see just what the public at large thinks of Tiger Woods getting rich, about Michael Schumacher being the first billionaire athlete ... and about me, too, especially about my joke about how if you don't like Tiger's money, you're a communist:

"Just a reminder to you Jay Busbee, the McCarthy era is over! Is it some kind of threat or shame to say that one who does not believe in capitalism is automatically branded a communist? And what's wrong with communism besides the countless myths churned out by American news media?"

That sounds like communist talk, mister. Are you now or have you ever been ... ?

"Whe the hell is Michael Schumacher?"

Oh, great. Like Europe doesn't hate us enough already. Thanks, dude.

"jay busbee.. that communist comment was pretty ignorant ... that's why you'll probably never write for the new york times or the wall street journal or anything of great significance!"

The No. 1 sports site on the Internet and the No. 1 golf blog on the Internet would like a word with you, sir.

More, if you dare, follows ...

"Unfortunately, Mr. Woods (along with other financially-successful individuals in the United States) never truly get to appreciate most of what they earn, for the democrats in government always want their piece of the pie first! These tax and spend liberals do NOT believe in capitalism."

Whoa! Who left the talk radio on? Megadittoes, homes!

"just because one is in favor of a redistribution of income when 1% of the population earns over 50% of the nation's income and owns over 70% of the nation's wealth does not make one a communist. communism refers to public ownership of capital, redistribution of income is consonant with keynesian economic theory which is mostly applied to capitalistic societies. "welfare states" and "communism" are not synonomous terms ... "

Aw, hell. This is like one of those dreams where you're in class but haven't studied for the final. Strangely, even when I'm awake I'm still sitting around in my underwear ...

"what a crappy article. Like who hasn't broken down a billion dollars by the minute or second before? As for calling people communists if they don't like your opinion- that's a throwback from the 60's! Dude, keep your day job at Walmart.."

I've got one hell of a comeback to write, but that Huggies display isn't gonna stack itself. When I get a break, though, Mister ...

If I had a billion, I would be giving away a million a month to children's hospitals and I would do nothing else but that. At least I would be remember for something more than just being worth a billion. What will you be remembered for?

Um ... being the best blogger that works at Wal-Mart?

"He earns three dollars and seventeen cents per second. That means, hypothetically speaking, if Tiger was walking up the fairway in a tournament and saw a $10 bill lying there, he'd make more money by walking right past it."

"I hate that example. People used to use it for Bill Gates, saying that it wasn't worth his time to pick up a hundred dollar bill. You've gotta be an idiot to think that. The only way that stands true is if he DOESN'T stand to make his 3.17 per second by bending down to pick up the $10 bill. BUT THESE AREN'T SUBSTITUTES. The $10 bill is additional income to his $3.17/sec. WHY WOULDN'T HE PICK IT UP?"

Because he's in the middle of a tournament, silly! (That, and it's a hy-po-the-ti-cal.)

barberism,greed and hate will always prevail,we are doomed,and the more war and evil i see the better it makes me feel.I just pray for nucleonic dets,yeehaw!

Yeehaw indeed, strange commenter person. Yeehaw indeed.

All right, let's take one more:

"you are an idiot blogger with an mind of an retarded kid. your articles suck and this is my first time reading ur article. get an another job, loser!!!"

Love you too, Mom. Seeya!

The tournament began in 1984 when "Klinger" asked some of his celebrity friends to join him for four days of golf. That didn't work out very well because of the tens of thousands of deep, gouging high-heel marks the guys left on the greens.

Nevertheless, today we're in the midst of the 24th Jamie Farr tournament, with the actor schmoozing at the Highland Meadows Golf Club in Ohio, shaking hands and posing for photos with some of the best women golfers in the world. (In the group photo he's second from the left in the next-to-last row – or the only one in a dress.)

Anyway, if a guy who was a cross-dressing soldier during the Korean War can pull this off, well, there are plenty of other 1970s TV folks who are just as deserving and should have their own tournaments. Here are some possibilities:

The Lou Ferrigno Classic. Named for the original TV "Incredible Hulk." The host could even play, giving us a glimpse of a man who can hit a golf ball out of sight but, when angry, becomes a raging monster who can't control himself and couldn't make a 10-foot putt to save his life. Of course this might not be all that new, in the sense that we already have Sergio Garcia.

The Merlin Olsen Invitational. Named for the ex-NFL great and actor who played poor, hard-working farmer Jonathan Garvey on "Little House on the Prairie." As a bonus, fans could show up a week before the tournament and watch the host use mud and pine branches to build the 250,000-square-foot clubhouse.

The C.P.O. Sharkey Invitational. We should get this one started right now so the main character from that show, Don Rickles, could actually attend for a year or so. Let's face it, the guy's old. What a hockey puck. Just between you and me, he's starting to look like Gene Autry's saddle. Frankly, I'd like to be there when Kevin Stadler is in his backswing and the host bellows, "Hey, Stadler, when's the baby due?"

The James Garner Classic. Named for the "Rockford Files" star, a private investigator who, despite earning a lot of money, lived in a trailer. This one, obviously, brings an automatic lifetime exemption for Daly.

The Archie Bunker Open. Sure, Carroll O'Connor is gone. But his name can live forever with his own PGA event. The tournament would have billboards right out on the course with some of Archie's best lines, such as, "In 50 years he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse." Or "Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side." Or "For too long they've been getting the short end of the totem pole."

This would give tournament spectators something to laugh at until Anthony Kim showed up with the big belt buckle.

The tournament began in 1984 when "Klinger" asked some of his celebrity friends to join him for four days of golf. That didn't work out very well because of the tens of thousands of deep, gouging high-heel marks the guys left on the greens.

Nevertheless, today we're in the midst of the 24th Jamie Farr tournament, with the actor schmoozing at the Highland Meadows Golf Club in Ohio, shaking hands and posing for photos with some of the best women golfers in the world. (In the group photo he's second from the left in the next-to-last row – or the only one in a dress.)

Anyway, if a guy who was a cross-dressing soldier during the Korean War can pull this off, well, there are plenty of other 1970s TV folks who are just as deserving and should have their own tournaments. Here are some possibilities:

The Lou Ferrigno Classic. Named for the original TV "Incredible Hulk." The host could even play, giving us a glimpse of a man who can hit a golf ball out of sight but, when angry, becomes a raging monster who can't control himself and couldn't make a 10-foot putt to save his life. Of course this might not be all that new, in the sense that we already have Sergio Garcia.

The Merlin Olson Invitational. Named for the ex-NFL great and actor who played poor, hard-working farmer Jonathan Garvey on "Little House on the Prairie." As a bonus, fans could show up a week before the tournament and watch the host use mud and pine branches to build the 250,000-square-foot clubhouse.

The C.P.O. Sharkey Invitational. We should get this one started right now so the main character from that show, Don Rickles, could actually attend for a year or so. Let's face it, the guy's old. What a hockey puck. Just between you and me, he's starting to look like Gene Autry's saddle. Frankly, I'd like to be there when Kevin Stadler is in his backswing and the host bellows, "Hey, Stadler, when's the baby due?"

The James Garner Classic. Named for the "Rockford Files" star, a private investigator who, despite earning a lot of money, lived in a trailer. This one, obviously, brings an automatic lifetime exemption for Daly.

The Archie Bunker Open. Sure, Carrol O'Connor is gone. But his name can live forever with his own PGA event. The tournament would have billboards right out on the course with some of Archie's best lines, such as, "In 50 years he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse." Or "Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side." Or, "For too long they've been getting the short end of the totem pole."
This would give tournament spectators something to laugh at until Anthony Kim showed up with the big belt buckle.

And you know what second place is, don't you? Right: the first loser.

Just take a look at Ms. Creamer's comments after the round: "I didn’t know it was a par 71," Creamer said with a laugh. "I thought it was a par 72. If I would have known that, who knows?" She didn't know? How could she play in a tournament and not know the par? Is this the low standards we're allowing for our professionals these days?

Of course, what are we to expect when we're talking about the Farr, named for an actor whose most famous role involved dodging military service? (Jamie Farr, we're talking about. I'm not familiar with Owens Corning's film or TV work.) Max Klinger would be proud of you, Ms. Creamer, but we're not.

...okay, that's enough. Did you read this far without blasting out a furious comment? Congratulations. And HUGE congratulations, too, to Ms. Creamer for her exceptional round! A deep tip of the Toledo Mud Hens cap to the Farr Classic! Everything above? Flip it. And anyone who doesn't think women can golf to the level of the men? Flip them off. (Can I say that?)

Way to go, Paula! Go for the 59 today!

After the jump, Stewart Cink gets his groove on.

Winner, Baller8184198:
Stew Cink does his Carlton Fisk imitation. The ball missed the green by 73 yards.

And sdjerk pulls up just in time:
"From the windows, to the walls, till the sweat..."

A new Forbes report reveals that Woods is on track to become the world's first billionaire athlete by 2011. That, friends, is nothing short of astonishing. We all know about billionaires who've made their money through skyrocketing IPOs or entrepreneurial sellouts -- shoot, I'm one, aren't you? -- but for Woods to make his billion through nothing but paychecks is pretty damn amazing.

[UPDATE: Some reports have Michael Schumacher as the world's first billionaire athlete, as of 2005. No idea why Forbes didn't mention that.]

But a billion is such an abstract number. Let's break that down. Tiger is on pace to make about $100 million this year between endorsements and winnings, even considering the fact that he won't play in another tourney. $100 million a year equals $273,972 a day. $11,415.53 an hour. $190 a minute. He earns three dollars and seventeen cents per second. That means, hypothetically speaking, if Tiger was walking up the fairway in a tournament and saw a $10 bill lying there, he'd make more money by walking right past it.

Does he deserve that money? Hell yes, he does; he makes far more than that for other people and corporations. Is it right that he deserves that money? Well, that's the foundation of a capitalistic society, isn't it? Like it or not. (Yes, teachers and doctors deserve more, but they don't get it.) So, bottom line: If you don't think Tiger deserves to be rich, you're a communist. Plain and simple.

Hey, Tiger? Next time we go out, none of that "I can't find my wallet" nonsense. Not when we know you can buy the restaurant, dude.

Got a tip / post / link for the Yahoo! Golf Blog to check out? Click here to hit up Jay Busbee with the scoop.

The clubs that have hosted the Open include the following nine in the current rotation:

• Old Course at St. Andrews: The "Home of Golf" and one of the most famous courses in the world, it has hosted the Open since 1873.

• Carnoustie Golf Links of Scotland, the host of the 2007 event, first hosted in 1931.

• Muirfield, in Scotland, first hosted the championship in 1892.

Royal Birkdale Golf Club, the current host, has been a part of the Open rotation since 1954.

• Royal Liverpool Golf Club in England has hosted 11 tournaments between 1897 and 2006.

Royal Lytham & St. Annes Golf Club in England has hosted tournaments since 1926.

• Royal St. George's Golf Club in England was the first Open course outside Scotland when it hosted a tournament in 1894.

• Royal Troon of Scotland has hosted since 1923.

• The Westin Turnberry Resort of Scotland will be hosting the event in 2009 for the first time in 15 years.

The courses dropped from the regular rotation include the following:

• Prestwick Golf Club, dropped in 1925 after hosting 24 Opens.

• Musselburgh Links, replaced by Muirfield.

• Royal Cinque Ports Golf Club, which hosted two events in 1909 and 1920.

• Prince's Golf Club in England and Royal Portrush Golf Club in Northern Ireland, which each hosted only a single event.

Future sites include Turnberry (2009), St. Andrews (2010), Royal St. George's (2011) and Royal Lytham (2012). Not a bad rotation, eh? Any favorites among them for you?

He has tried all the usual boredom-fighters: counting the bathrooms in his house, playing games (he particularly enjoys Guess the Names of the Servants and the blindfolded game Pin the Tail on Phil), trying to one-hop golf balls across the half-acre living room and into the Ming vase and, of course, curling up on the sofa, picking up his copy of "Harry Potter" and handing it to J.K. Rowling so she can read it to him.

(For a while he had Stephen King read to him, but doctors said all the screaming, jumping off the couch and crashing through the sliding glass door wasn't doing his knee any good.)

And sure, the big guy gets outside once in a while. But the knee puts quite a limit on what he can do out there. And take it from me, shuffling down to the moat in your $40,000 silk bathrobe and spraying WD-40 on the drawbridge gears, well, that gets old in a hurry.

From his website: "I'm wearing a full leg brace and will be on crutches for a few weeks. To be honest, I'm not sure when my rehabilitation will start. I can't put weight on my leg yet."

That news did little to cheer up his longtime caddy, Steve Williams, who managed a smile and endured some good-natured ribbing from the other guys in the unemployment line, specifically Brett Favre, Michael Strahan and Barry Bonds, who sipped Dom Perignon and munched on $1,200-a-pound cheese as they waited for the next window to open.

On a more positive note, Tiger's post-op plan made it impossible for him to attend the tournament he sponsors, the AT&T National, over the weekend – a small blessing that spared him the ungodly sight of tournament winner Anthony Kim's belt buckle, which looked like something Liberace might have worn to the rodeo.

Actually, the giant, expensive jeweled belt buckle with the initials "AK" was terrific and Kim didn't mind all the jokes the players made about it, and Monday morning he quietly offered it to Ashton Kutcher (a.k.a.  Mr. Demi Moore) for $5.

Anyway, there are hints that Tiger is fading, slowly, from our thoughts. The actual website xRank, which keeps track of Internet searches for sports stars and other celebrities, reports that he dropped from second place right after the U.S. Open to 20th place this week. This puts him a few places behind Britney Spears and Paris Hilton and just ahead of someone named Usher, who I believe is the guy who showed me to my seat at Coors Field last Friday night.

And after we were reminded of his fierce competitive nature during the U.S. Open – and after he hears about this xRank thing – I think we can all assume how the greatest golfer on earth will spend 18 hours a day for the next six months: hunched over his computer, relentlessly conducting searches for "Tiger Woods."

Hey, it's almost time for another major, and next up is the British Open - or, as they call it in Merrie Olde England, "The Open Championship." Kicking off a run of British Open-themed posts here at the still-unnamed Golf Experts Blog with these cool and fascinating facts about the tourney. So grab your kippers and your bangers and mash and take a lorry to the loo or whatever. Away we go...

• The British Open is the oldest of the four majors, and while its purse has historically been the lowest of the crew, since 2002 it has been the highest.

• That dapper fellow there at right? No, it's not the Gorton's fisherman, it's the immortal Willie Park Sr., who won the first Open on October 17, 1860.

• The first Open was pros-only, and the field totaled eight, including a wheezing Colin Montgomerie. The field played all three rounds of the tourney at the Prestwick Golf Club in a single day; Willie carded a 174.

• The initial prize at the tourney was a big ol' boxing-style Champions' Belt, pictured at right on Willie's belly. The first cash prize was rolled out in 1864, and totaled the princely sum of £6. That's six pounds, or about $3.6 million in today's limp dollars.

• Record scores at the Open are held by a couple of familiar names: Greg Norman recorded an aggregate 267 in 1993, and in 2000 a fella by the name of Tiger Woods shot a -19, which happens to be the record for all majors.

• Expecting another round of Monday golf if we end up tied? Don't hold your breath. The Open's method for determining a champion is a four-hole playoff, with sudden death following if the match is still tied.

• The Open rotates between nine hallowed courses in England, with the iconic St. Andrews hosting the tournament every fifth year.

• The earliest winners of the Open were all Scotsmen, and included everyone from greenskeepers to club makers. Scotland still leads all nations in the number of wins at 42, with the U.S. in second at 41. Proving, as always, that if it's not Scottish, it's crap.

Arkush: Great choice but I'll go with another that featured Nicklaus in a losing role, the 1972 Open at Muirfield. The Golden Bear, going for the third leg of a Grand Slam that seemed quite attainable, was trailing by six strokes heading into the final round. He then mounted one of his typical charges. Yet, amazingly, Lee Trevino holed out from the bunker at 17 for a par, and prevailed by one shot. Nicklaus vs. Trevino, both in their primes. You can't get any better than that.

Eubanks: Good call, but the "can't get better than that" line is not accurate; 1977 was better. In the final hour of the final day in 1972, the match came down to Trevino and Tony Jacklin, great champions but not the caliber of Nicklaus and Watson at Turnberry. Conversely, in 1977, Jack holed a huge birdie putt on the final green after driving it in the right rough, which forced Watson to follow with his own birdie. It was a battle for the ages, one that we'll remember as long as the game is played.

Arkush: Imagine if Nicklaus had somehow overtaken Trevino on that final day at Muirfield. Imagine the anticipation everyone would have felt leading into the PGA at Oakland Hills. It would have been unprecedented. We'll never know, of course, because of the magic displayed by one of the game's all-time characters, Trevino. For him to pull it off, on that stage, against the greatest player ever, with so much at stake, remains just as captivating as the historic duel at Turnberry.

My Yahoo! colleague Brian Murphy is already asking if Kim qualifies as a possible heir to Tiger. He recounts a cell phone conversation at the end of the tourney between Tiger and Kim that seems like a real-world version of those Charles Barkley / Dwyane Wade cross-generational plays, one in which the mythical torch is passed (though we hope that Kim brings a little more to the table, personality-wise, than the linoleum-esque Wade.)

Anyway, while the Tiger's-heir thing is an interesting angle, and one that no doubt will plague Kim for the rest of his playing days, what I want to know is, where the hell does Anthony Kim get his wacky belt buckles, huh? The top pic there at right is from this past weekend's tourney, while the lower one is from The Players' Championship. Shoot, with that kind of buckle, Kim doesn't belong on a golf course; he ought to be on a riverboat somewhere fleecing folks at a poker table, with a little pistol concealed in one boot.

Is Kim the Tiger rival we've been waiting for since Day 2 of Tiger's arrival? We won't know that until Kim and Woods sprint for the finish on some Sunday in Augusta. But what we do know is that Kim is setting a new standard for fashion on the links. Rocco Mediate's peace sign? Pfah. So June 2008. We fully expect someone to be wearing a trash can lid as a belt buckle by the British Open.

(A quicker and more spectacular way to fall off the face of earth, of course, is to be actor Michael Richards and decide to give stand-up comedy a shot. But today we'll stick with the LPGA and Lewis.)

As you recall, the 23-year-old Lewis lit up the Open last week. Just 19 days after she turned pro she pounded the Interlachen links. After a third-round 67 she led the whole darn thing by a stroke.

TV couldn't get enough of the jump in her walk and her Hollywood smile and the relentlessly grinning guy – her father – lugging her golf bag. Lewis was stealing the show and making people forget Lorena What's-Her-Name and Annika somebody. On Sunday, though, Lewis shot a 78. She finished five strokes behind the winner. TV announcer Johnny Miller, though, labeled Lewis the next LPGA superstar.

And the LPGA was so excited about the meteor named Lewis that it promptly put her, figuratively, on singer Kenny Rogers' train bound for nowhere. (Footnote: Judging by the plastic surgery, it's possible Kenny also has a dream of playing on the LPGA Tour.)

So, despite her dazzling performance at the Open, Lewis has disappeared. There's no mention of her on the LPGA website. She is not on any list of statistics and not, for crying out loud, even on the list of LPGA Tour rookies, a list that includes:  Chris Brady (I believe she was Marsha's youngest sister, Amie Cochran ("If the Foot Joy-brand calfskin golf glove doesn't fit, you must acquit"), Germany's Sandra (Oh What A) Gal and fellow German Anja (More Fun Than a Barrel of) Monke, and even Thailand rookie Onnarin Sattayabanphot, who suffered a minor back injury last week when she tried to put on her name tag.

But Stacy Lewis' name appears nowhere, even though she won some $162,000 in last week's Open – a one-event figure that would have put her 80th on the LPGA's money list for the entire 2007 season. The U.S. Women's Open, however, doesn't count on the LPGA list because it is not co-sponsored by the LPGA. This leaves Lewis likely heading to the Tour Qualifying School so she can play a full schedule next year.

"The only thing that could have helped me was to win," Lewis said after the Open.

She's playing this weekend in the Northwest Arkansas Championship, one of six events she can play this year – including the Open – to earn enough "real" money to get her exemption from Q school. The LPGA policy protects the established players and tries to prevent someone like Lewis from blasting through the Open and earning her tour card without the weekly grind.

But Lewis is the real thing. Last year, as a junior at the University of Arkansas, she tied for fifth at the Kraft Nabisco Championship. And then she won the NCAA championship.

Current star Ochoa, as she showed at the Open, won't win every week. Sorenstam is leaving. Lewis has all the tools and personality to be the next streak of light on the Tour.

And the LPGA is going to send her to Q school. Great idea.

Then again, just like the men's tour these days, it can have the perfect scenario: A Sunday leaderboard that looks like it was stolen from the federal witness protection program.

From Steady Burn comes this tale of golfing woe. It happened in Milwaukee, but it could happen to you. Seems some folks were playing at the Brynwood (not to be confused with Bushwood) Golf Club and...

When the party of six, four golfers and two caddies, reached the 16th tee shortly after 11 a.m. a lone gunman emerged from nearby woods and said, "Give me your money," according to police. Armed with a handgun and covering his face with a mask, the gunman robbed two of the golfers and one of the caddies before fleeing into the woods at the club ...

Best part of the story? The guys kept on playing. Now that's dedication! Who's going to let some punk thief deprive you of the final two holes of your round?

The gun would appear to be an essential aspect of the crime; you don't want to go challenging golfers with just a knife, seeing as how they've got a lot more reach with their driver.

Let's hope this doesn't become a trend; golf is already difficult enough to explain away to our significant others without having to add on the fact that we lost the cash and credit cards to some random thug.

Then again, there are other golf course crimes that some would call victimless, and other golf course victims whose crime remains unsolved. Sounds like a job for CSI: Nineteenth Hole to me.

"When I'm done (urinating) into the cup who fixes the two huge depressions in the green where my knees sunk in?"

"If I want to pee into the cup while I'm still in the fringe can my caddy leave the flag in?"

Ok, I obviously made those up. Except for the second one. (That Daly. What a nut).

Anyway, this is indeed an historic week, a time when pro golfers join athletes in other sports such as baseball in saying, "We are athletes and we are drug-free and we are proud and… wow, is that a hot air balloon or is Barry Bonds wearing a brightly colored hat?"

Last year each golfer got a 40-page manual detailing which drugs are allowed and which are not. On the approved list are most over-the-counter pain relievers such as Tylenol, while heavy-duty, pain-killing, mind-numbing narcotics such as morphine are not allowed. Although an exception to that rule will be granted for any player who is paired with Sergio Garcia.

Not everyone, as you might guess, is happy. Take U.S. Open runner-up Rocco Mediate, who said this: "This is the biggest joke in the history of the world." (Footnote: This knocks the one about "a priest, a rabbi, Jack Nicklaus, Abraham Lincoln and a monkey named Kenny walk into a bar" down to No. 2 on the list.)

More from Rocco, who has, according to TV announcer Johnny Miller, repeatedly tested positive for high levels of chlorine from falling into Tiger Woods' pool: "It's stupid. There's nothing we can take to help in golf. We're not Olympians here. If I take steroids, I'm not going to shoot better scores."

Which is probably true.

But I think I speak for many of us who love the game when I say this about steroid use: After you miss that next three-foot, $25 putt, think of how much better you'll feel when you scream, "$8%#%$" whirl around twice and throw your putter 1,500 yards.

Arkush: Seeing the game grow around the world is one thing; seeing the U.S. being so thoroughly dominated is another. Just like in women's tennis, when there are few Americans competing for the top prize in major championships, women's golf suffers in pure drama, and the LPGA can not afford a dip in that area if it wants to attract a greater fan base. It already is far overshadowed by the Tiger Tour. American players comprise an essential part of the landscape. They don't have to win the big events all the time, or even half the time, but eight of 35 is pathetic.

Eubanks: Last time I checked Maria Sharapova and Ana Ivanovic were pretty popular. And just like women's tennis, the international influence in women's golf has opened a treasure trove of riches unseen a decade ago. Korean television rights are a huge cash cow for the LPGA, and people from Stockholm to Tokyo tune in every week to watch the women's tour, a phenomenon the men would love. As for winning more majors, there's one easy answer for the Americans: just play better. Lowest score still wins.
 
Arkush: The average fan in the United States could care less about how much money the LPGA takes in every year. The average fan cares about personalities they can better relate to. No doubt Lorena Ochoa, Annika Sorenstam, Se Ri Pak, and a sizable chunk of the other elite foreign players have become compelling characters to follow in women's golf. But the scarcity of top-level American competitors–there are only three U.S. players in the top 15 in the latest world rankings–leaves a definite hole in the sport.

So for those of you Tiger-starved fans, here are some tidbits for you to chew on, digest, and regurgitate. Those of you who aren't Tiger fans can skip right to the regurgitation:

• Did you buy tickets to the AT&T National in Bethesda, Md. hoping to see the tournament's host, one Mr. Woods, in action? Hope you can scalp 'em, because Tiger has decided to rest and won't be making the trip.

• Along those same lines, CNBC's Darren Rovell questions whether sponsors should be entitled to some of their money back if their big-name attraction decides not to show up.

• ESPN's Jason Sobel believes Tiger will come back stronger than ever. He'd better, or golf won't make Sportscenter ever again.

• Interested in the technique used to repair Woods' knee? It's called a "double-bundle," and if it works, it's going to make its creator a very wealthy doc.

That's it for now ... stay tuned for our plan to actually auction off excess chunks of Tiger Woods' knee cartilage. (No, not really, of course. But somebody would if they could.)

However, he's also riding at the top of the golf world right now following a win at Sunday's Buick Open. That makes two tournament wins in June and six top-six finishes for Perry in his last six tourneys. Not bad for a guy within spitting distance of 50, huh? Perry is now ranked third in Ryder Cup standings and second in the FedEx Cup standings, assuming Tiger Woods sticks to his word and doesn't come back until next year.

Here's another interesting fact about Perry. Seems he tried and failed twice to reach Q-school. On his third attempt, a benefactor staked him $5,000, with the stipulation that Perry didn't have to pay him back, just pay 5 percent of his lifetime earnings. It turned out to be a great deal; Perry passed $20 million in career earnings in 2006. The money goes to the benefactor's alma mater, Lipscomb University.

So if all of Perry's competitors for the Fedex Cup end up kneecapped, and Perry takes home the $10 million prize, I'd start looking right here for suspects.

Stacy Lewis, in her first tournament as a pro, is currently leading the U.S. Women's Open. Not bad, huh? Amid all the Ochoa/Wie/Annika hype -- in which, yes, we participate -- Ms. Lewis is on the brink of stunning the golf world. Can she keep it going for one more day? Is she a female Rocco? (Would you even want to see a female Rocco?) Will one of the announcers figure some way to slag her heritage? Tune in and see. And voice your thoughts on the tournament right here. Tee off!

Oops. My mistake. That's not what happened.

I must have been thinking of this week's U.S. Women's Open.

Imagine this: LPGA superstars Lorena Ochoa and Annika Sorenstam didn't really show up for the Open. At the halfway point neither was in serious contention. It was shocking. Like finding out Ian Poulter is not in contention in the Funny Pants Contest. Or that Jack Nicklaus isn't in contention in the Good-God-How-Long-Can-You-Stand-Over-A-Three-Foot-Putt Contest.

Or that I'm not in contention in the Idiot Contest.

The men's U.S. Open a couple of weeks ago reminded us of a few things. One, of course, is that Tiger Woods could apparently beat every other golfer on earth even if he had a wooden leg and a parrot on his shoulder. ("Squaawwkk! Phil's in the rough again. Squaaawwkkk!")

The other reminder was that top-level drama requires the right actors. In that amazing men's Open – decided on the 91st hole – we had Woods playing the role of Zeus, the most powerful god. And, and according to TV announcer Johnny Miller, we had Rocco Mediate playing the role of Chlorinaeus, the guy who cleans Zeus' pool.

Now we have the women's Open, where a whole bunch of Davids were duking it out. Meanwhile, Goliath has spent a lot of time over there in the trees, thrashing around in the tall grass and mumbling in Spanish. And Zeus, well, Zeus has a bad case of the yips and looks about as comfortable on the greens as a guy in a nudist camp who's just been told he's the catcher on the baseball team.

Ochoa came into the Open on a breathtaking run. She had won a startling six of the 10 tournaments she entered this year, a feeding frenzy not seen since the night the owner of a fish and chips diner in London accidentally welcomed Colin Montgomerie on all-you-can-eat night. (A week later the London Times ran this story: "Puzzled Biologists Say Haddock Now Extinct").

Anyway, Ochoa was smoking hot.

"I'm ready for this one," she said before the first round.

Uh-huh.

And then there's Sorenstam. Retiring, you know. Her 15th and last U.S. Open. Nostalgia. Sentiment. Final hurrah and all.

But golf, as anyone who plays the game knows, doesn't much care about any of that. What it mostly cares about is putting. And Sorenstam has putted in the 2008 Open like someone who is being Tasered.

She needed 66 putts in the first two rounds. By comparison, the great Tiger also had 66 putts. Between 2001 and 2006. (I'm just kidding, of course. He had 67 putts during that span.)

Sorenstam, the 10-time major winner and three-time U.S. Open winner, said this about her putting stroke: "It's short and jabby and then the ball sometimes jumps and you don't get the roll you want."

I think I speak for all of us who love the game so much when I say this to the talented and brilliant Swede: "Velcoom tu zee klubb."

Lonnie Nielsen -- not, of course, to be confused with Leslie Nielsen of Airplane! and Naked Gun fame -- is the defending champion at this weekend's Commerce Bank Championship in New York. And it's easy to see why -- while his highest finish in a major was a tie for 11th at the 1986 PGA Championship, the dude is friggin' money in New York tournaments. All but a fraction of his 36 professional wins have come in New York; he's like some kind of superhero whose powers don't function once he gets outside the Empire State.

At this writing, Nielsen is only one shot off the lead, and if I were the field, I'd be terrified. You're on Lonnie Nielsen's turf now, guys. And remember, if you're thinking of challenging him ... he knows Nordberg. I think.

Enter the Wilhelmina 7 -- not to be confused with the Oceanic 6 -- a group of seven LPGA pros who are now being represented by Wilhelmina Artist Management, part of the same group that also includes Fergie and Heather Graham in its stable. (Hmmm ... should I say "stable" when referring to women? Let's just say "roster" instead.)

Anyway, where you stand on this issue probably depends on where you stand on women's sports as a whole. If you prefer the sporting aspect and believe that the gender of the participant is irrelevant, this is probably the kind of thing that makes your blood boil. On the other hand, if you think of sports as part of the total female package, so to speak, you're probably cool with it. The Wilhelmina 7 (which does not, by the way, include Gulbis) will be posing in all kinds of cute outfits, including swimsuits, evening gowns, and other glamorous apparel that isn't seen often on the links. (Check that: isn't seen often enough.)

Me, I'm for anything that raises the profile of the LPGA. And yes, it's very easy to say that this is exploitative of women, but the Wilhelmina 7 don't exactly resemble a group of kidnapped golfers smuggled here in a shipping container. (Jezebel has a different take on the issue, and makes a good point about the skeeviness of the guy in charge of the whole program.)

We shall see if a similar program makes its way over to the PGA. Phil, don't spend too much time sitting by the phone.

Got a tip / post / link for the Yahoo! Golf Blog to check out? Click here to hit up Jay Busbee with the scoop.

"I want to be more consistent!" I hear this from so many of my students. Consistency is almost impossible in the game of golf. Even Tiger can shoot 62 one day and 72 the next. Is that consistent? The bottom line is that we are human, and our bodies are different every day. We do our best to swing consistently, but it does not always happen. That is what makes the short game so important, as it helps us make up for full-swing mistakes.

The one place I think a golfer can be consistent is what he does before he hits a ball. The way I look at it, poor aim and alignment is a mental error while hooking or slicing is a physical error. Observe how to set up for proper aim and alignment:

You should practice this like you would practice your swing. If you go to a tour event, you will see all kinds of alignment aids on the ground on the practice tee. Tour players are so good that they can make their balls go to the target even with poor aim and alignment. Unfortunately, they have to alter their swings to make this happen, which eventually leads to poor swing mechanics. Setting up correctly matches up with good swing mechanics, and now you are well on your way to better golf.

It is important to realize that on the golf course, we tend to aim and align ourselves based on our ball flight tendencies. If you are a right-handed golfer who hooks the ball, you will tend to aim right. If you are right-handed golfer who slices the ball, you will tend to aim left.  In short, correct aim and alignment does not guarantee good swing mechanics, but it helps! My recommendation is to spend some of your practice time with an alignment aid so it becomes more second nature on the golf course. 

The players with the best alignment tend to be the straight hitters. Annika Sorenstam and Fred Funk tend to be good aimers. They also tend to hit a very straight golf ball. Spend some time with your teacher learning how to swing on plane and square up your clubface at impact. Hitting it straight will lead you to better aim and alignment as well.  I'll never guarantee consistency, but I'll guarantee that improved aim and alignment will lead to better golf.

For more from Josh, visit Zander Golf or check out his instructional videos and stat-tracking program at My Smart Golf.

Here now, and we are not kidding, is part of the story from the World Golf Ranking website (www.franklyevenwedontunderstandthis.com.):

"The official events from the six professional tours together with the Canadian, Nationwide and European Challenge Tours are all taken into account and ‘Ranking Points' are awarded according to the players' finishing positions and are generally related to the strength of the field based on the number and ranking of the Top 200 World Ranked players and the Top 30 of the Home Tour players in the respective tournaments (Event ‘Rating Values')."

In other words, the World Golf Rankings committee sits around with newspaper clippings from golf tournaments and then, in accordance with Rule 7653-BH-2, they pull golfers' names out of a hat.

More from the actual explanation: "The World Ranking Points for each player are accumulated over a two year ‘rolling' period with the points awarded for each event maintained for a 13-week period to place additional emphasis on recent performances. Ranking points will then be reduced in equal decrements for the remaining 91 weeks of the two-year Ranking period."

This mathematical formula is known as the System Analysis Yield Within Heuristic Adjustment Transaction or SAYWHAT?

As for Cink, well, he has been a pro since 1995 and has won a grand total of only five PGA Tour events.

By way of comparison, Tiger Woods somehow won two PGA Tour events on Tuesday while he was undergoing major knee surgery. (According to the World Golf Ranking system, Woods will remain No. 1 on the list for approximately 125 years after his death or until our sun burns out.)

Seriously, Cink moved from No. 12 in the world rankings with his victory last Sunday in the Travelers Championship. He now has a "points average" ranking of 5.41 and has 281 total points in the system, a gain of 197 points since last year. The only other golfer to post that kind of gain has been John Daly, who has gained 197 pounds since last year.

Cink now trails only Woods (21.14 points average), Phil Mickelson (10.08), Adam Scott (5.75), Geoff Ogilvy (5.74) and Ernie Els (5.65.)

Footnote: According to the World Golf Ranking system, Mickelson is eligible for two bonus points if he can find his driver before next Tuesday and an additional bonus point if he "stops acting so weird."  Also, Australians Adam Scott and Geoff Ogilvy were each awarded a "cute bonus point" last week for playing all four rounds of a tournament with a baby kangaroo or "joey" peeking out from a pouch on their golf bags.

Seriously, here's what we know about Cink:

He lost to Woods in the final of the WGC Match Play event in February, tied for third in the Masters and tied for 14th at the U.S. Open. But last week at the Travelers he defeated golfers named Tommy, Hunter, Heath and I believe 12 guys named Doug for his first victory since 2004.

This somehow vaulted Cink to No. 6 in the world. I have nothing against the guy and he is obviously an extremely talented player who has represented the U.S. well in team competitions. He is sure to be a member of this year's Ryder Cup squad.

But No. 6 in the world?

Using the current world ranking system, I firmly believe that if we dig up Ben Hogan he'll be No. 8.

(Visor tip to AOL FanHouse for the find.)

Got a tip / post / link for the Yahoo! Golf Blog to check out? Click here to hit up Jay Busbee with the scoop.

After the jump, Tiger makes the foliage float.

A very Zen-like caption from Chas db MacDuff:
Tiger slowly but gently crushes the grasshopper
which unknowingly landed on the line of his putt.

And some good eyes from golfguy:
Lady in the Straw Hat thinking...."Nike butts drives me nuts"

(Visor tip to The Sports Hernia for the altered -- or was it? -- photo.)

The first hole announced was the 17th at Warwick Hills in the 2009 Buick Open. Future holes will be announced later this year at kodakchallenge.com. Here's hoping the 4th at the Callaway Gardens Puttin' Patch is one of the choices. Man, I can smoke that freakin' hole.

Anyway, some enterprising fan grabbed the discarded apple core -- "I never touched the core, Scooped it up in a empty beer cup, as not to disrupt the DNA," he says -- and put it for sale up on eBay. (Hat tip to The Big Lead for the find.)

Bidding ended on Wednesday morning, reaching $36,000. You'd think it was a fake bid, but there were 102 before it, escalating way upward from the starting price of $100. [UPDATE: Looks like eBay pulled the listing.]

Bidding on an apple core. And yet again, we wonder why they hate us. Then again, maybe if it does have the sanctified attributes of Tiger Woods Himself, perhaps we all should be bidding.

Got a tip / post / link for the Yahoo! Golf Blog to check out? Click here to hit up Jay Busbee with the scoop.

Eubanks: Golf produced one of the best sports stories of the year at Torrey Pines, and good thing, because the rest of the major season won't be the same without Tiger. Sure, the winners of the British Open and PGA will have their names engraved on the trophies like everyone else, but those victories will always have invisible asterisks beside them. With the best player on the disabled list, it's hard not to think of these last two as the "also ran" majors.

Arkush: Last time I checked, Tiger Woods does not win EVERY major. In fact, even with his remarkable performance at Torrey, he has won six of the last 14. So there is no guarantee that he would have prevailed at Royal Birkdale or Oakland Hills. Years from now, when we put in perspective the players and their major victories, we won't take anything away from whoever captured the last two in 2008. In other words: No Asterisk! The game is bigger than any one player.

Eubanks: No, he doesn't win them all, which makes the victories by guys like Trevor Immelman and Angel Cabrera all the more special. They know they won with Tiger nipping at their heels. As for history, does anyone remember who won the NBA championship the year Michael Jordan played baseball in Birmingham? Anyone? This year's remaining majors will be sort of like that.

Arkush: The Houston Rockets did, and believe me, Hakeem and his teammates are never giving their rings back to the NBA. Whoever conquers Royal Birkdale and Oakland Hills will richly deserve their rewards because, facing enormous pressure, they will have outdueled excellent fields on demanding layouts. They will be major champions forever.

Ecstatic over her win, she offered up one of the great Yogi Berra-isms of recent years: "If all the tournaments are like today, I could probably win more." Indeed. She could very well win every tournament where she's a winner.

So, congratulations are in order for Ms. Ji, who's part of a wave of young golfers who are looking to fill the vacuum that Annika Sorenstam will leave, and will make life a bit less comfortable for the ladies accustomed to being at the top of the leaderboard.

In related news, somebody was VERY excited that Eun-Hee captured her first win. (A little bit o' NSFW language, though it WAS on ESPN.)

Kind of, uh, puts things into perspective, doesn't it? Oh, lord, we're wasting our lives ...

After the jump, Stuart Appleby gets down.

Winner and still champion, hugsx5:
The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff. Here, I've got pounds of this. [Ed. note: Kids--stay in school. Don't do drugs.]

Runner-up, Philip B:
Caddie looks up in horror and shouts out: "He's playing an NXT Tour!"

And Jed Leland with the Jedi encouragement:
"No, you cannot touch her ... but you can encourage her to fly".

People scream about Wie receiving favoritism and kid-gloves treatment from the media, and they're right. Thing is, she's a fascinating study in too-much-too-soon: qualifying for an LPGA tourney at age 13 but failing to win even a single tournament since then will do that to you. She's got her chance right now to make good; if she can stay in the hunt and keep a few strokes off the lead, she'll garner acres of goodwill. But if she falls apart and misses the cut, it's going to be hell for her to be taken seriously anytime soon.

And, naturally, since somebody has to get offended at everything, two Italian-American groups protested that Miller had crossed that ever-shifting line of sweet decency. "We are certain that NBC and Mr. Miller meant no harm and was simply having some fun at the expense of Italian Americans," the National Association of Italian Americans wrote in a statement. "Nonetheless, this type of humor is problematic as it reinforces a demeaning and damaging stereotype about an entire ethnic group.”

This, friends, is what the French would call le merde du cheval. (I don't know what it would be in Italian.) Miller was not having fun at the expense of Italian Americans; he was having fun at the expense of Rocco Mediate. And I think Rocco's tough enough to handle it.

Let's look at what Miller said. First off, if there's a stereotype about Italians cleaning pools, I damn sure haven't heard it. And while guys named Rocco may not get their names on the U.S. Open trophy, neither do guys named Jay Busbee, and you don't see me crying to NBC. (Though I would if I thought it would help.) It was an Everyman joke, not an Italian-American joke. If Rocco Mediate had been named "Bubba McCoy," the same joke would've applied in exactly the same way.

Look, there are plenty of mainstream pop-culture references that Miller could have been more directly offensive to Italians than the offhanded remarks that he made. When Rocco and Tiger were caught on camera chatting, Miller didn't say "Rocco's going to make Tiger an offer he can't refuse." When Rocco celebrated after knocking down a solid putt, Miller didn't say, "Ah! That's-a spicy meatball!" There were no references to Tony Soprano, cannoli, lasagna, horse heads in beds, pasta, "Mamma Mia!", or mob-related whackings.

I appreciate what the Italian-American groups are doing to protect their heritage, and as a Southern American who likes NASCAR, I'm pretty well familiar with mindless stereotyping. Problem is, by creating controversy where none existed, this event will bleed yet another bit of life out of a sport that already makes vanilla look like Tabasco sauce. (And no, fellow white people, that is not a coded racial metaphor.)

Got a tip / post / link for the Yahoo! Golf Blog to check out? Click here to hit up Jay Busbee with the scoop.

So now it's your turn. Comment live on the tournaments as they're happening. Who's the favorite? Who's stinking up the course? Write here and let the world know your thoughts.

For some six hours a day nearly every day for the past 25 years or so, Singh has pounded golf balls on practice ranges around the world. At tournaments he frequently hits balls for three hours before his round and three hours after. PGA champ Steve Elkington once said of Singh's sessions: "It's mindless. He just hits his driver all day."

Elkington's statement is, of course, completely and totally untrue. According to witnesses, on Aug. 14, 1994, from 1:54 p.m. to 1:56 p.m., Singh hit nine practice balls with a three-wood and then briefly fondled his 7-iron before picking up his driver again.

Anyway, Singh's ant-like obsession and dedication to hard work has made him famous. (By way of comparison, just before 3 p.m. MDT last Tuesday I briefly considered removing my bathrobe.)

The downside to Singh's single-minded dedication to smacking range balls is that, by most assessments, he is to charisma and personality what a rainbow trout is to the clarinet.

And so, when Singh told the London Telegraph last week that English golfers are, well, lazy, you knew the Brits would fire back.

Paul Casey, for example, a steel-bellied chap with little body fat and Popeye-like forearms, hinted this week that for a guy who works so hard Singh sure seems to look a lot like a summer squash. You know, if a summer squash had legs and a scowl.

"I would invite Vijay along to do exactly what I do on weeks off and see how he goes, invite him to the gym with me for instance," Casey said on Friday after he shot a 68 in the second round of the BMW International Open in Munich.

Here's what Singh had said at the U.S. Open about British golfers: "Lots of them start out with the right intentions and the opportunities are there for them to become great. Once they're on Tour, though, they find themselves having a fine time and wondering ‘Why should I bother to work hard?'"

Singh then excused himself from the interview and hit 435,000 golf balls down the middle of the practice range before lunch.

"My coach's mantra has always been, you prepare for events," said Casey. "You put all the work in when you're in your off-weeks. Behind the scenes. Stuff nobody sees. On weeks off I'm in the gym by seven, at the golf course by 10 until 4 o'clock and I ride my bike in the evenings."

Not that Singh doesn't work out, too. His training consists of daily sessions in which he raises his arms high over his head with the palms facing backwards and then repeatedly moves the arms in a back and forth motion.

Almost like he's helping the driver back up toward the practice range with a dump truck full of golf balls.

Rocco Mediate
Pros: Took Tiger an extra 19 holes in the U.S. Open, which means he's currently only one stroke worse than Tiger, right?

Cons: What if he can't find another vial of whatever Super Magic Go Juice he drank just before this year's Open?

Rannulph Junuh
Pros: A decent, honorable fellow who would represent the United States well in international competition.

Cons: Kind of freaks out when he ends up in the woods. Also apparently relies an awful lot on his caddy.

Roy McAvoy
Pros: Insanely talented, unconventional golfer with the potential to win a match with nothing but a 2x4, a yardstick, and a fishing rod in his bag.

Cons: Has a bit of trouble with the approach shots. Also occasionally takes the game a bit less than seriously.

Charles Barkley
Pros: The single greatest person in the history of the planet to have in your foursome. Possibly even including Jesus and Buddha.

Cons: He's a turrible golfer. Just turrible.

Happy Gilmore
Pros: Crazy long off the tee. Lord knows how many drivers (and wrists) have been snapped trying to imitate his run-up swing.

Cons: Just plain crazy. Got a soft spot for his grandmother. Don't mention Bob Barker to him, either.

Ty Webb
Pros: Unbelievably skilled golfer with a putting stroke that Sergio Garcia would kill for.

Cons: Just doesn't care all that much. Also can be distracted by a pair of lacey underalls, so to speak.

Sam Alexis Woods
Pros: DNA. Even if her age costs her a couple strokes, she's still ten ahead of the field.

Cons: That whole prejudicial "no babies in the PGA" stance. Fight the power!

Any other choices? Fire away. And if you've got a tip / post / link for the Yahoo! Golf Blog to check out? Click here to hit up Jay Busbee with the scoop.