Puck Lists: 9 best parts of the Crying Jeremy Roenick video

(As the NCAA hockey season is done, our own Ryan Lambert needed something on which to opine. Say hello to a special series from yer boy RL, PUCK LISTS, in which he arbitrarily lists hockey things.) 

In 2010, NBC Sports analyst Jeremy Roenick got emotional after his former team defeated his former team for the Stanley Cup.

The moment happened live on the air with Dan Patrick and Mike Milbury, and lives on forever via YouTube:

Here are the 9 best parts of the Crying Jeremy Roenick video:

9. That it exists

Yo it gets real dusty around me when anyone wins the Stanley Cup or NCAA title. If I watched the Memorial Cup it would probably be the same thing. And it's not just hockey, or sports in general. Sad movies? Happy movies? Forget about it. It is 150 percent totally fine for a man to cry about anything he damn well pleases. It's 2016.

So like, I get it.

However, today we're not talking about just “a man.” This is Jeremy Roenick. Dude presents himself in all forms of media — Twitter, television, podcasts — as the ultimate tough guy, and dismisses anyone who might criticize him for literally any reason or in any way as a punk and an idiot. You never played the game so you wouldn't understand.

Which is why it was truly incredible that he cried about Chicago winning its first Stanley Cup in recent memory back in 2010. Again, totally get it. But because Roenick would almost certainly make fun of literally anyone else for doing the same thing on national television, poking a little fun seems like more than fair game. Any time Roenick gets poked, it's pretty funny.

All of this occurred to me, by the way, because over the weekend Roenick posted a picture of himself and some buddies (including John McEnroe) with Patrick Kane landlord and presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, who owns the course and seems to be a somewhat frequent JR golf partner.

And fair enough, Roenick is an established Obama-disliker (he was a Rubio supporter for a while there, which seems not to have gone well).

Seeing him with Trump thing that I immediately thought of was, “This is a picture ripe for getting Crying Jordaned.”

But then I remembered: It could be Crying Roenicked. And what joy the Crying Roenick video brings.

8. The harrowing realization

He starts out fine. Totally fine. No big deal, just talking about his former team winning the Cup.

Then a pause. He was fully aware what was going to happen next. And he was not very comfortable with it. There is, or at least should be, no crying in Being Jeremy Roenick. He jumps on alligators in his spare time. Crying on TV doesn't compute. This was very off-brand for dude and he knew it.

In fact, and this is delightful to me in so many ways, Roenick recently said on a radio interview with Boomer and Carton in New York, by way of defending himself I guess, “I didn't bawl. I didn't bawl.” It's true, you didn't. And that for sure would have made the mockery from all parties, including the one to his immediate left, much worse.

But again, let's just be thankful that hockey — and certainly hockey in 2010 — was nowhere near as (relatively) popular as it was today. Because the Crying Roenick meme would absolutely be a thing.

7. A helping hand

During that Boomer and Carton interview, JR said that the Crying Roenick incident is the reason he and Mike Milbury always seem so combative on TV. To quote Roenick at multiple points during the interview, Milbury is “a douche.”

Which is why when Milbury bullies him about crying on TV, it is so nice to see Dan Patrick swoop in with a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Don't listen to that guy, JR. We all know he's a jerk.” That was very nice, but again, doesn't help the Roenick brand at all.

6. “Can't see this enough, Dan.”

What a way to wrap it up, really. “This is me trying to get you to move on.” No good way to get back on track, and frankly I'm surprised Dan Patrick didn't have them cut elsewhere sooner than that.

5. The kid

What seems to really get Roenick going in all this is the memory of a child crying as Chicago lost the Cup Final in 1992 to Pittsburgh, in a horrifying sweep. Chicago gave up 15 goals in four games. I'd cry too.

It is, again, actually kinda nice that Roenick remembers that kid and hopes he's happy 18 years later when the team finally lifts the Cup. Near as I can tell, no one ever tracked that kid down for an interview or to get the two together for a photo op. Just JR and some dopey 26-year-old, reminiscing about seeing Chicago get smoked by Mario Lemieux (1-2-3 and seven shots on goal in Game 4).

But hey, Roenick scored two goals himself in the losing effort, and 10 more in the team's other 17 playoff games. It's sometimes easy to forget that behind all the modern-day intolerability, Roenick was a hell of a goddamn hockey player.

Never let your idols get old.

4. “, man.”

Had Roenick simply said, “It's the Chicago Blackhawks,” and left it at that, this would not have been nearly as impactful as appending the “man” ended up making it. That's trying to Tough-Guy it up. “I'm cool, bro. I'm good, dawg.”

3. Milbury goes way the hell in

The 100 percent no question about it star of this video is Mike Milbury. This is quintessential Milbury here, being, to reuse JR's word, “a douche.” Like, this should be in the Mount Rushmore of Dumbass Milbury Stuff right alongside hitting the guy with the shoe, making bad trades, and putting hands on a child in public.

Milbury sees the slightest bit of weakness and off he goes, right for the jugular. Look at the three-shot right before “It's the Chicago Blackhawks, man.” Milbury doesn't really have much of a look on his face one way or the other as Roenick gets a little emotional. But that hitch in his voice must have made Milbury's eyes go dinner-plate sized.

During the following pause, Milbury just starts [expletive]ing bellowing.

“Well I didn't [win a Cup] either, and I'm not gonna cry.”

Roenick is clearly not happy, but Patrick laughs off-camera, probably happy that someone broke the tension a little bit. Even after Milbury tries to soften it up with the “ya had a helluva career, kid!” talk, and the pat on the shoulder from Patrick, the damage was done.

Here's Roenick on Milbury going in on him, like five and a half years after the fact:

“What a douche. He ruined a perfectly great moment on television, and just squashed it, right? But, you know what, that's Mike right there. That is Mike to a T. He played like that, and that's why you love him. Or hate Mike Milbury. I love Mike Milbury to tell you the truth, I really do. There's times we go at it and I just want to pull every hair out of my head sometimes when I work with him, but I do love him.”

Thin line, man. Thin line.

2. “I'm proud, I'm happy, I'm proud. I'm proud, I'm happy.”

This is the real-life equivalent of, “Actually, I'm laughing about it. This is very funny to me. I'm not mad at all.” Not a good look for JR. Ten words, right in a row, that were really just three words. My man was reeling.

1. Dan Patrick with the snowball that starts the avalanche

“Why's it affecting you?”

Wooooooof.

Talk about going in. Roenick was initially a little emotional. Getting dusty, like I said. Things were mostly fine. He was gonna hold it together. Then came the moment from every bad movie with a psychologist: The Big Breakthrough.

“Why's it affecting you?”

There was only one way this was gonna work out, and Patrick had to know it. Low-key dirty veteran move. He knew exactly which buttons to push. David Frost didn't do as good a job in the Frost/Nixon interviews.

This is an all-time great hockey thing specifically because Dan Patrick stuck his thumb in Roenick's eye, Ric Flair-style. Then Milbury came in with the steel chair.

Ryan Lambert is a Puck Daddy columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here.

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