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Ban curling? Run out of stones? April 1st in the world of the roaring game

Don Landry
Could a granite shortage endanger the sport of curling?
Could a granite shortage endanger the sport of curling?

April 1st has become a far-reaching bit of mischief in this modern world of electronic tentacles.

What used to be the sole domain of radio morning show hosts, newspapers and television news shows is now a game anyone with a laptop and a twitter account can play. Pranking the world might not be exactly what Marshall McLuhan had in mind but, nevertheless, here we are.

Fans of the game of curling got into the spirit on this day of wool and pulling and covering of eyes and such.

A ban on the sport by Wisconsin Republicans is one of my favourites from today (although, generally speaking, there are a few juicy headlines I'd like to have seen but did not. You can read them, below).

A blog page called "The Progressive Midwesterner," penned by Aaron Camp, carried this headline today:

WISCONSIN REPUBLICANS MOVE TO BAN CURLING IN WISCONSIN

 

Wait, what?

In his post, Camp - who describes his views as "very progressive" - lampoons Republicans as wanting to ban curling in the state because “the vast majority of curlers and curling fans are liberal Democrats." New legislation would call for those caught enjoying a slide to be imprisoned for up to three years.

Camp did a nice job with his piece, densifying it with the kind of paragraph you'd expect to see in a typical legislative story and the interest groups involved in its debate:

The International Olympic Committee (IOC), the United States Olympic Committee (USOC), the World Curling Federation (WCF), the United States Curling Association (USA Curling), and the Wisconsin State Curling Association (WSCA) issued a joint statement strongly condemning the proposed legislation, calling the legislation “straight out of medieval times” and “an attempt to criminalize a great sport played by many Wisconsinites”.

You can read the entire piece here.

Meanwhile, the Canadian Olympic Committee jumped in with their own bit of jokesterism with this:

In a COC website story, written by Asif Hossain, the future of the game is said to be in doubt due to a worldwide, looming shortage of the raw material used to make the sport's stones. Citing a growing demand for granite as a resource for putting the finishing touches on homes the world over, the COC story quotes Olympic champion skip Brad Jacobs as saying “I don’t think I’ll ever look at my marble kitchen countertop the same way again.”

The full story can be read here.

Nice job, everyone. BUT, I'm still left a little unsatisfied.

Here are some April Fool's curling headlines I did not see, but would have liked to:

VIC RAUTER SUSPENDED AFTER USING PROFANITY AS 'SECRET WORD' ON BROADCAST

GLENN HOWARD REPLACES SON, SCOTT, WITH BROTHER, RUSS

NORWEGIAN CURLING PANTS PROVEN TO CAUSE STERILITY

CURLING CANADA REBRANDS AGAIN; CHANGES NAME TO 'STONER'S CLUB OF CANADA'

SAULT STE MARIE AND ST. JOHN'S TO JOINTLY HOLD 2017 BRIER

CURLING CANADA WIDENS RELEGATION PROCESS; ONLY DEFENDING CHAMPIONS GUARANTEED SPOTS IN SCOTTIES, BRIER

SHOCKER: KEVIN KOE LEAVES TEAM TO REJOIN SIMMONS, RYCROFT AND THIESSEN

CURLING'S FUTURE: PROPANE-POWERED, HEATED BROOMS TO REVOLUTIONIZE THE SPORT

CONTINENTAL CUP 2018 AWARDED TO DUBAI

TEAM MUIRHEAD WANTS A SCOTTIES TITLE; MOVE EN MASSE TO CHARLOTTETOWN