Getty Images[Author's note: Power rankings are usually three things: Bad, wrong, and boring. You typically know just as well as the authors which teams won what games against who and what it all means, so our moving the Red Wings up four spots or whatever really doesn't tell you anything you didn't know. Who's hot, who's not, who cares? For this reason, we're doing a power ranking of things that are usually not teams. You'll see what I mean.]
9. Those lazy best players alive
The fact that some of the best players on the planet aren't scoring at will in these Olympic games have led to the much-publicized problems with their teams' offenses in general, and if they were any good at all he'd have a million goals by now against these crumb-bums from Latvistan or whatever.
Take, for example, Alex Ovechkin, who's choking in a tournament once again, like he always does. In much the same way he is not carrying the Capitals to a playoff spot — like a loser — he has also scored just two points in four games. Why can't he be a consummate leader like Alex Radulov?
Meanwhile, that awful loser Sidney Crosby has just two points and no goals in three games. This seems like things are shaping up to be just like the last Olympics, in which he was terrible in only getting a point per game and scoring the goal the clinched the gold medal.
He is, frankly, why Canada has been underwhelming, and this has nothing at all to do with...
8. Mike Babcock's roster selection
Mike Babcock is widely considered one of the best coaches in the league for the same reason that Ken Holland is widely considered one of its best GMs. It doesn't take a lot of good thinking to send Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg and Nicklas Lidstrom over the boards every couple of minutes.
And one wonders if he's going to be in much the same boat with Canada in these Olympics. Coaching the Canadian Olympic team is so easy Lindy Ruff could do it, and in fact, he is. You put about two dozen of the best players in the world on a roster, then you put pretty much all of them on lines together. You don't worry about anything but getting a million goals, which is something Canada should be capable of scoring. And yet they haven't. The reason why is because Babcock is overthinking the hell out of this, just like Canada does with every international hockey tournament.
He's already learning the error of his ways in bringing along Chris Kunitz. They included him to be Sidney Crosby's linemate — because it's suuuuuuper hard to play with him — and ended up dropping him from that line almost immediately because, guess what, he's not good. Wow. Who could have guessed? But that didn't work either, and so now when Canada plays Latvia Wednesday, look who's back on Crosby's line simply because they have nowhere else to put him. That thing about Crosby not scoring enough points? Maybe it's because he's saddled with a stiff.
Then there's the matter of the perfunctory P.K. Subban inclusion, which was, it's now apparent, done to mollify the masses rather than give Canada the best chance to win. Subban's ice time through the firs three games of the tournament checks in at 11:41 a night, seventh among Canadian defensemen. That's a decent number if you're rolling seven, except he has only played one game so that Babcock can, instead, give Dan Hamhuis — get this — less than seven minutes a game in the other two.
The good thing is it's not like he's an elite offensive defenseman on the planet and Canada has gone wanting for offense. They scored a combined nine goals in three round robin games against the iron of the Olympics: Norway, Austria, and Finland. And only six of them have come from the same two guys.
Nothing to worry about, Mike. You'd doing a great job.
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